Category: Mailbag

Christmas, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Christmas Potpourri

Michelle Lesley

Merry Christmas! Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

Christmas Theology and Bible Questions

Christmas Mythbusters

Christmas Trees

What do you think about having decorated Christmas trees in the sanctuary / on the platform at church?

It’s a great question, because we want every aspect of our worship services – even the decor – to honor God and be conducive to worship.

Assuming they’re tastefully decorated in an understated way, I don’t personally have any problem with a Christmas tree at the front of the sanctuary for decoration. I’ve seen some lovely ones that were decorated with all white ornaments of biblical symbols (crosses, doves, stars, etc.). I don’t really see any theological difference between a Christmas tree, a holly garland, candles, poinsettias, flowers on the altar every week, ficus trees, potted plants, backdrops, banners, or any other tasteful, reverent, non-distracting piece of decor. They’re just inert objects that somebody thought would spruce things up a bit (yeah, I went there) and make the space pretty. There’s nothing wrong with that. I mean, have you read God’s instructions for the design of the tabernacle and the temple? Lots of flowers and tapestries and gold and all kinds of other pretty stuff. God invented beauty. He is OK with His house being beautiful as long as that beauty honors and points to Him.

God invented beauty. He is OK with His house being beautiful as long as that beauty honors and points to Him.

But there’s something else we need to take into consideration…

All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.

1 Corinthians 10:23-24

We have good brothers and sisters in Christ in our churches whose consciences, for various reasons, just can’t handle Christmas trees. And having Christmas trees in the sanctuary would distract them from worship. So you know what we do to love and honor them? We lay aside our “right” to have Christmas trees on the platform and either don’t decorate or find another way to decorate. Many churches have found lots of different ways to tastefully decorate for Christmas that don’t involve Christmas trees.

Does Jeremiah 10:3-4 (and other passages) prohibit Christmas trees?

The short answer is no. It should be obvious to anyone who reads Jeremiah 10:3-4 in context that the passage is talking about the crafting of wooden idols, not Christmas trees. And other passages – such as Deuteronomy 12:2, which refer to idol worship taking place under “every green tree” – don’t prohibit Christmas trees either, despite the fact that “every green tree” sounds like “evergreen tree”. These passages, read in context, are all referring to a location where idol worship takes place.

For the longer, more detailed answer, check out my article, Christmas Mythbusters.

Christmas Decorations

I have a statue of Joseph and Mary holding baby Jesus. It’s in a corner year round in my living room. As a former Catholic, I’m questioning myself if I should even have it at all?

Let’s first focus on the fact that you don’t have to buy, keep, or display any decoration for any reason. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can get rid of it. If you no longer have room for it, you can get rid of it. If it clashes with your couch, or takes too long to dust, or the dog has chewed Joseph’s toes off, you can get rid of it. This is your house. You get to decide how to decorate it (within biblical parameters, of course: e.g. no pornographic images, no profanity, no Buddha statues, etc.)

I’d suggest praying about it and even discussing it with your pastor, if you like, and certainly with your husband if you’re married. You may want to prayerfully consider…

When you arrive at the biblical answers to those questions, you’ll know whether or not to keep it or let it go.

(If you’re concerned that the statue might be a violation of the second Commandment, you might want to check out my article Nativity Scenes and the Second Commandment.)

I haven’t seen any of your articles that specifically mention what kind or types of ornaments we should decorate our Christmas trees with. While it’s certainly a personal preference for everyone, I just wanted to get your input about them. Through the years I’ve seen many trees with favorite sports team ornaments to baby or pet pictures, cartoon characters, White House ornaments, angels, snowmen, snowflakes, and many more. While these may not have intended to be anything other than a person’s preference, shouldn’t everything we do even regarding this, be done to honor and point to Christ in celebrating His birth and life? Are decorations that have nothing to do with Jesus, or who He is, wrong?

I think you answered your own question very well. It’s a matter of personal preference. If you’d like for all of your Christmas decorations to point to Christ, that would be a lovely way to honor Him and celebrate His incarnation.

Other sorts of decorations (again – as I mentioned in my answer to the previous question – within biblical parameters, of course: e.g. no pornographic images, no profanity, no Buddha statues, etc.) are also fine.

A few little nuggets to think about:

  • When you decorate for Thanksgiving, does everything you put out have a Bible verse on it, or in some way explicitly point to Christ? Or do you maybe decorate with pumpkins, turkeys, stalks of wheat, a cornucopia, etc.?
  • We are supposed to be living testimonies to Christ 24/7. Does every item of clothing or jewelry you wear have a Bible verse on it or in some way explicitly point to Christ?

I don’t ask these questions to discourage you from using only Christ-centered decorations at Christmas – as I said, that’s totally fine – but rather to help you think through why this concern would be restricted to Christmas and not apply to other situations or times of the year. We don’t want to be accidentally hypocritical, but rather, biblically consistent with our beliefs and practices.

You’re absolutely right that everything we do should “be done to honor and point to Christ”. But as Christians, that’s not primarily about the exterior trappings of our lives like decorations, jewelry, or clothing. We honor and point to Christ by living in the world He created and being obedient to Him in our thoughts, words, and actions. And it’s OK with Him for us to do that while wearing hoop earrings and the promotional t-shirt we got from the grand opening of a local chicken joint, or putting an LSU Tigers ornament on our Christmas tree. To be “in the world, not of the world,” as the old saying goes.

Honoring Christ is not primarily about the exterior trappings of our lives like decorations, jewelry, or clothing. We honor Christ by living in the world He created and being obedient to Him in our thoughts, words, and actions.

I thought you might enjoy this little video I made. It was for a Christmastime women’s meeting at my church (so I’ve clipped out the first few seconds for privacy reasons). We all brought something to demonstrate how we “keep Christ in Christmas” in our homes. Maybe it will give you an expanded perspective on decorations.

Santa Claus

The Mailbag: What should we tell our kids (and grandkids) about Santa Claus?

The Mailbag: My kid knows the truth about Santa. What if he tells his friends who don’t?

This image was shared on Facebook (not by the person credited for the image) as a response to my article The Mailbag: What should we tell our kids (and grandkids) about Santa Claus?. I would encourage you to read my article for the context of my response. (Since she simply posted the image without any explanation, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was sharing this as an example of what not to teach your children about Santa Claus, but unfortunately, that turned out not to be the case.)

Thanks for sharing. This is a great example of what not to do. I don’t know if these parents are Christians or not, but they have taken a really unbiblical approach. There’s no such thing as some sort of spirit of Santa Claus, so they’re still lying to their child.

And to say that Santa “lives in our hearts” is actually worse than telling their child Santa is a real, discrete person. It’s not only going to confuse Ryan more when his parents start talking to him about inviting Jesus into his heart (“What? You said Santa lives in my heart. Isn’t it going to be crowded in there?”), it’s just as blasphemous for Santa to take Jesus’ place in the heart as it is to ascribe omniscience to Santa (as I explained in the article).

And the parting thought that believing in Santa, whom you can’t see, will help you to believe in God, Whom you can’t see is unbelievably blasphemous and unbiblical. It elevates Santa above God and trivializes all God has done to reveal Himself to man, especially the life, death, burial, and resurrection of Christ.

I’m sure the parents were trying to be loving to their child and cushion the blow that Santa isn’t real, but they did it at the cost of the glory of God, the truth of Scripture, and the opportunity to lay a biblical foundation for their child’s future salvation. That’s an expensive Santa Claus.

I’m sure the parents were trying to cushion the blow that Santa isn’t real, but they did it at the cost of the glory of God and the truth of Scripture. That’s an expensive Santa Claus.

This is why you don’t lie to your children about Santa Claus. It’s unbiblical for all the reasons I gave in the article, and when you come up with solutions like this to finally tell your child the “truth” without hurting his feelings, that’s unbiblical too.

Christmas Music

What do you think about the Christmas song, The Little Drummer Boy? I’ve always loved that song but I recently read an article stating that we shouldn’t sing it because it’s not biblically true.

It depends on what the article means by “not biblically true”. If they mean it conflicts with, denies, or twists Scripture in some way, I don’t see that in the lyrics. If they simply mean there’s no mention in Scripture of a little drummer boy visiting Jesus as a baby, that’s correct.

However, it’s reasonable to assume friends, family, and possibly even curious strangers (spurred on by the shepherds’ amazing story) visited Jesus and His parents in the days after His birth. In fact, for such a corporate and family oriented society, it would have been unthinkable that only the shepherds, and later, the wise men, ever visited them.

Could one of those visitors have been an impoverished little boy who wanted to play a song for Jesus on his drum? And Mary consented? And Jesus smiled? I don’t see why not. None of that conflicts with Scripture, and it’s all within the realm of possibility (except for the ox and lamb keeping time – I’ve never known a barnyard animal with good rhythm).

Did the article you read mean that “we” (as in the congregation, choir, soloist) shouldn’t sing that song in the worship service because it isn’t drawn from Scripture? I would fully agree with that. All of the elements of our worship services should be drawn from, and centered on the Word.

But as far as personal or family use goes, if the song makes you uncomfortable in some way, you don’t have to sing it or listen to it. (It’s certainly not one of my favorites.) I guess the decision you would have to make is whether you’re only comfortable with songs that come straight from Scripture or whether you can be comfortable with a song about something that could have happened, but isn’t in Scripture. And either way is totally fine. It just depends on your heart and your conscience.

Is there anything biblically wrong with singing Christmas hymns during worship? Our church refuses and only reserves them for our Christmas service.  Just odd to me. But they decorate with a big ole Christmas tree and wreaths in the sanctuary.

No, there’s nothing biblically wrong with singing Christmas hymns in the regular worship service. I’ve never heard of a church that reserves them only for the Christmas service (especially a church that sees nothing wrong with decorating for Christmas) but there’s nothing unbiblical about that either. I would encourage you to kindly, gently, and lovingly ask your pastor about it.

Christmas-Related Activities

I’m a member of a doctrinally sound church. That’s why it was a little confusing when all of a sudden, from the pulpit, they announced that we were going to have a float in our upcoming Santa Claus Parade.

When one brave soul asked why we would participate, the answer was: we need to look at the “greater good” – it’s getting the gospel out – which we are doing with tracts and Christmas candy.

While I was happy to be a part of printing off the material in hopes of getting it into the hands of as many people in our city, I won’t be participating in handing it out in the parade.

Am I wrong to feel this way? I know I should be asking our Pastors about this – but frankly, after that one person asked, she was told that we were going through with it…that they valued her “opinion” on the matter – but that they (as well as the Deacons that discussed the matter), see nothing wrong with participating in such an event. Why couldn’t we have a “booth” that was away from the parade route, and hand out literature there, instead of “being in the thick of things…”

(You didn’t say exactly how your church is going to distribute the tracts and candy, but in our local Christmas parade, the float riders throw their candy and other goodies to the watching crowd, so that’s the assumption I’m working under with my response.)

It’s always a good thing to carefully think things through whenever we bump elbows with the world. We want to impact the world with the gospel, but we want to be careful not to become worldly. “In the world, not of the world” as the saying goes.

But from everything you said in your email, I’m going to have to go with your pastors on this one. (In fact, I’ve been recommending for years that churches participate in Christmas parades as an evangelistic outreach.) It sounds to me like they’re taking hold of a golden opportunity to share the gospel and let people in the area know about your doctrinally sound church. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do as Christians? “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.”?

If you’re going to share the gospel with sinners, you have to go where sinners are.

If you’re going to share the gospel with sinners, you have to go where sinners are. And if you’re invited by the sinners, so much the better. The parade organizers have invited your church to participate, or, at least they haven’t told your church it can’t participate. Why would your church not joyfully accept that invitation? Your area may be progressive, but it’s not so progressive that they’ve banned churches from participating in the Christmas parade (wouldn’t that be hypocritical?) yet. Jesus said, “We must work the works of Him who sent Me while it is day. The hour is coming when no man can work.”. We’ve got to take advantage of these gospel opportunities while we still have them.

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world.

And as Jesus reclined at table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were reclining with Jesus and his disciples. And when the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” But when he heard it, he said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.’ For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”

1 Corinthians 5:9-10, Matthew 9:10-13

Why couldn’t we have a “booth” that was away from the parade route, and hand out literature there, instead of “being in the thick of things…”

Because the parade is where the people are! If you’re there to share the gospel, why wouldn’t you want to be “in the thick of things”? “Yes, we’d like to come to your parade and share the gospel, but please put us in an out of the way area where fewer people will be.”? Hon, I am not trying to be harsh with you, believe me, but I say this to you in sisterly love: Most of the people who will be at that parade are on their way to an eternity in Hell. Have you really thought about that? Does that not grieve you? Don’t you want to rescue as many of them as possible with the gospel? An out of the way spot? Jesus said:

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

Your pastors are trying to set your church on a hill and shine the gospel forth from it. Don’t ask them to put it under a basket. From everything you’ve said, they’re good, trustworthy doctrinally sound pastors. You don’t have to personally hand out materials at the parade (you wouldn’t have to even if you were 100% on board with all of this), but trust them and submit to their leadership.

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.

Hebrews 13:17

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Christmas, Mailbag

The Mailbag: My kid knows the truth about Santa. What if he tells his friends who don’t?

Michelle Lesley

Originally published December 3, 2018

We have raised our five year old to know that Santa Claus isn’t real. Now that he’s getting old enough to have conversations with his little friends, how do we explain to him what to say to them when they talk about believing in Santa? I don’t want him to crush their dreams but I also don’t want to teach him to perpetuate the lie for his friends.

This is a great question, and one my husband and I also had to address with our own children, since we raised them to know that Santa Claus isn’t real.

Before I tackle your question, I’d like to address Christian parents who tell their children Santa Claus is real, that he is the one who brings their presents, etc.:

I’m sure you have the best of intentions and only want to make Christmas fun for your children, but when you tell them these things about Santa Claus, you are lying.

Santa Claus isn’t real. If you tell your children he is, or that he is the one who brings their presents, or that he knows whether they’ve been naughty or nice, you’re lying. The Bible says that lying is a sin, period. There’s no exception for jolly old elves who pass out toys (or for tooth fairies or Easter bunnies, either, for that matter). And not only is lying a sin, it is extraordinarily hypocritical to lie to your children about Santa Claus and then turn around later and punish them when they lie about something. Lying to your children about Santa Claus teaches them that it’s OK to lie (i.e. sin) when you want to or when it would be to your advantage.
Excerpted from: The Mailbag: What should we tell our kids (and grandkids) about Santa Claus?

And this reader has raised another ripple effect of your sin of lying. You’ve now put your brothers and sisters in Christ in the difficult position of figuring out how not to blow your cover when their child (who knows the truth) interacts with yours. Do they teach their child to take part in your lie, or do they risk their child telling the truth, disappointing your child and possibly angering you? And think about the pressure on a five year old child to try to keep something like that a secret, knowing someone will be disappointed if he doesn’t. You’ve created a no-win situation for people you are supposed to self-sacrificially love, encourage, and edify.

Our sin always negatively affects others.

Our sin always negatively affects others.

We did our best to thread the needle by teaching our children to stay out of it. Every year, we reminded our kids – before family gatherings, play dates, etc. – that some kids believe Santa is real. If a friend inquired, “What did you ask Santa for this year?”, our kids could reply, “I asked my parents for a bike.” If any of their friends asked them if Santa was real, we told our kids to tell their friends to ask their parents.

You might want to give something like that a try, or maybe you can come up with a different solution that’s helpful to the situation. Don’t fret about it, though. Most kids learn the truth about Santa between ages 5 to 10, and most of them learn it from their friends. If you have a friend who freaks out at you because your five year old told the truth about something, it could be time to reevaluate that friendship, or at least the level of intimacy of that friendship. (And if it’s a family member, well…this, too, shall pass.)

If you have a friend who freaks out at you because your five year old told the truth about something, it could be time to reevaluate that friendship

However you teach your child to handle the situation, be sure you’re not conveying the idea that we cover up the sin (the lie that Santa is real) of others. We tried to go at it from the angle of our kids telling the other kids, “That’s a topic that should stay between you and your parents.” It’s pretty much the same way we later handled the situation of what to do if your friends ask you where babies come from (“You need to ask your parents about that.”)

Also keep in mind that, even though it may feel like you’re the Grinch if your child spills the beans about Santa, you’re not, despite the fact that others may treat you that way. If you’re humbly doing what is right in God’s eyes and the other person is doing what is wrong, you’re not the problem in that situation.

Even though it may feel like you’re the Grinch if your child spills the beans about Santa, you’re not. If you’re humbly doing what is right in God’s eyes and the other person is doing what is wrong, you’re not the problem.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Christmas, Mailbag

The Mailbag: What should we tell our kids (and grandkids) about Santa Claus?

Michelle Lesley

Originally published December 4, 2017

Merry Christmas! Starting today, we’re back to Monday through Friday blog articles for the holidays!

As Christian parents, is it OK for us to tell our children about Santa Claus?

As Christian parents, is it OK for us to tell our children about Santa Claus?

Christmastime can be so much fun when you have children. Many of us remember the excitement of Santa, the Christmas tree, and presents from our own childhood. They’re happy memories, and we want to recreate those for our children.

But as Christian parents, our first priority isn’t fun, it’s obedience to Scripture. Yet, is there a way to make Christmas merry for our children while still upholding God’s Word? Is Santa patently unbiblical?

No, he doesn’t have to be, as long as he keeps his sleigh parked inside the parameters of Scripture. Let’s take a look at some of the ways Santa can be unscripturally naughty, and how godly parents can keep him nice and biblical.

Santa Claus isn’t real. If you tell your children he is, or that he is the one who brings their presents, or that he knows whether they’ve been naughty or nice, you’re lying. The Bible says that lying is a sin, period. There’s no exception for jolly old elves who pass out toys (or for tooth fairies or Easter bunnies, either, for that matter). And not only is lying a sin, it is extraordinarily hypocritical to lie to your children about Santa Claus and then turn around later and punish them when they lie about something. Lying to your children about Santa Claus teaches them that it’s OK to lie (i.e. sin) when you want to or when it would be to your advantage.

The Bible says that lying is a sin, period. There’s no exception for jolly old elves who pass out toys (or for tooth fairies or Easter bunnies, either, for that matter).

Don’t lie to your children about Santa Claus. Tell them the truth: he’s a fun, fictional character that we can enjoy reading stories and singing songs about, just like Goldilocks or Superman or Old MacDonald. As for the presents, maybe you’d like to handle it similarly to the way my husband and I did with our children. When they were very small, my husband or I would don a Santa hat on Christmas Eve and say something like: “You know how you like to play pretend? Well, mommies and daddies like to play pretend, too, especially at Christmas! Now it’s time for you to go to bed so we can pretend to be Santa Claus.”

Santa Claus isn’t omniscient. 

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good, for goodness’ sake!¹

Uh uh. No way. Omniscience is an incommunicable attribute of God. He is the only One who has the power to see and know all things, and it is an insult and an affront to Him to even suggest that a mere mortal – let alone a fictional character – has the same power and knowledge that He has. In reverence and awe for God’s preeminence, we should never ascribe to others the things that belong to God alone.

Teach your children about the attributes of God. When you read your children stories about Santa Claus or hear Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town on the radio, it’s a perfect opportunity to teach them about God’s omniscience and power. “Did y’all just hear that? That song said Santa Claus can see you and knows how you’re behaving. Is that true? Who is the only One who always sees you, cares for you, and knows what you’re doing and thinking? Can anybody else besides God do that?”

Santa Claus teaches works righteousness. In St. Nick’s economy, good behavior earns a reward (presents). Bad behavior earns punishment (coal). If you’ve ever shared the gospel with anybody, that will probably sound familiar. Most lost people think that’s what Christianity is. If you’re a “good person” God is happy with you and you’ll go to Heaven. Hell is the punishment for “bad people”: Hitler, murderers, and rapists. This is not what the Bible teaches, either about salvation, or about why children should obey their parents.

Teach your children the gospel. Again, this whole “naughty or nice” part of the Santa Claus narrative is a perfect gospel-teaching opportunity. Take advantage of it! Ask your child to be “nice” for one whole day. At bed time, take a few minutes to talk about the times she messed up and was “naughty” when she was supposed to be trying to be “nice.” Nobody can be nice and obedient all the time, no matter how hard we try. We are all naughty – sinners with coal black hearts deserving the punishment of Hell. Jesus came and lived a life of perfect “niceness” (obedience), died on the cross to take the punishment for our naughtiness, was buried, and rose again. He did that, not because we earned it with good behavior, but because of His mercy and grace. And then He gave us the greatest gift ever. A gift we naughty people don’t deserve: salvation and eternal life in Heaven. And it is because of our love and gratitude to Christ for saving us that we obey Him, not so that He will give us what we want. Indeed, the Bible tells us that the more obedient to Christ we are, the more persecution we will face.

Santa Claus doesn’t automatically have to be on the Christian parent’s naughty list. There are lots of ways to enjoy the fun of Santa and even turn him into an opportunity to teach your child biblical truth, all while being obedient to Scripture. But if Santa makes you biblically uncomfortable in some way, then by all means, don’t go against your conscience. Whichever way you decide – after prayer, study of the Scriptures, and discussing it with your spouse – do not judge other Christian parents by your personal convictions about Santa Claus.

Any advice for grandparents about Santa? Our son wants our grandchildren to believe in Santa. How do we respond to a grandchild who asks of the reality of Santa? I will not lie, but I want to keep peace with my son.

Thank you for being a godly grandma!

I think the solution to this dilemma is going to start with being a godly mom. Is your son a Believer? If so, you might want to show him all of the information above and talk to him about any Scriptures he’s violating. Let’s pray that will be convicting to him and he’ll decide to handle Santa in a godly way with your grandchildren.

But if he’s not convinced, or if he’s not a Believer, talk to him about your convictions about not lying to his children. Explain the difficult position he’s putting you in. He’s essentially asking you to choose between pleasing him by sinning (lying) or pleasing God by not sinning.

If he still won’t relent, the only solution I can see that keeps you from sinning yet doesn’t go against your son’s wishes is to put it back on him. When your grandchild comes to you and asks, “Grandma, is Santa Claus real?” you reply, “That’s a great question, but I think you should ask your mom and dad about that. How about some hot chocolate?”.

Your son made this bed. You shouldn’t have to lie in it.

Additional Resources:

Santa Pause with Justin Peters at A Word Fitly Spoken

¹Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town. John Frederick Coots and Haven Gillespie, 1934.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag, Thanks/Thanksgiving

The Mailbag: Teaching Children Gratefulness

Michelle Lesley

Originally published November 22, 2021

Do you know of any Biblically sound books that will help teach a 3 yr old how to have a grateful heart? My daughter is trying to cultivate that in my 3 yr old grandson.

Awww, how sweet! What a blessing that he has a godly mommy and Grammy (or Mimi or Mamaw or…).

My youngest child is 18 so I’m not familiar with whatever is currently popular and available, although I’m sure there are some good, doctrinally sound children’s books out there. (Readers, if you have any suggestions, let this sister know in the comments.)

But if you’ll indulge me a trip down memory lane to wallow in sentimentality for just a moment, this was my daughter’s favorite book when she was a toddler (and all her little brothers loved it too!). It combines counting skills, thankfulness, and a hymn – pretty great, if you ask me!

Count Your Blessings by Donna D. Cooner, 1995

Now, it’s just sitting in my closet waiting for my grandchildren to enjoy it…❤

If you decide to buy some toddler books on gratitude, I would just caution you to vet the authors of any book you’re considering just like you would vet the author of a book for adults. There are many false teachers – Priscilla Shirer, Sarah Young, and Sheila Walsh just to name a few off the top of my head – who have branched out into writing children’s books.

But honestly, I think this is a great opportunity for you and your daughter to start teaching your grandson the Bible, Scripture memory, and prayer as it relates to being grateful to God.

This is a great opportunity to start teaching your child the Bible, Scripture memory, and prayer as it relates to being grateful to God.

Read some stories about people in the Bible who were thankful – the thankful leper, Zacchaeus, Noah, Daniel, rebuilding the temple…really any story in which God acts, provides, or protects and people thank Him for it – and ask a few simple questions.

  • What did the main character in the story need or ask God for? What did God do?
  • What did the main character say or do when God acted, provided, or protected?
  • Has God ever acted, provided for, or protected you like that? How can we tell Him thank you?

Grab your concordance and look up some words and phrases like “give thanks“. Find a simple verse(s), talk about what it means, and practice saying it together. You might be surprised at just how quickly he can memorize those verses! The Bible verse memes in my article Top 10 Bible Verses on Giving Thanks are perfect for printing out or copying to your phone or tablet for this.

Another way to reinforce giving thanks to God is through music. You may find something helpful at Seeds Kids Worship, or just create your own playlist on your favorite music platform.

One way I helped my children remember to be thankful (and let me tell you, it didn’t just help my children!) was with a simple little game I called The Gratitude Game. It’s kind of like playing “I Spy.” Just look out the window when you’re driving around in the car, or look around as you’re taking a walk, and take turns thanking God for what you see: “Thank You, God, for making birds.” “Thank You for ice cream.” “Thank You for police officers who help us.”

Be sure to model thankfulness, too. When you or your daughter say bedtime prayers or the blessing before meals with your grandson, be sure to spend some time thanking God for things and acknowledging Him as provider, protector, the Giver of blessings, and so on. Remark thankfully on various things throughout the day: “I’m so thankful God gave us a warm day to play outside,” “Thank you, God, for sending the ice cream truck our way!” Also make sure you’re showing gratitude to people. Set the example for your grandson of saying “Thank you,” sending thank you notes or gifts, and demonstrating appreciation for others.

Books can be fun and helpful, and I hope you find a good one for your little sweetie, but you can’t beat stories and activities that center on Scripture itself.

When it comes to teaching your little ones gratitude, you can’t beat stories and activities that center on Scripture itself.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag, Worship

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Boundaries… Submit vs. address sin?… Discernment- Who do you think you are?)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

This comment was left on my article, Taking Offense:

Thank you for this biblical truth: “Jesus taught us to…love our enemies, do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse us, pray for people who abuse us, turn the other cheek, give to those who want to take from us, treat others the way we want to be treated”. Are boundaries biblical then? Do we stick around when someone is pouring out non-stop criticism and verbally abusing us or talking behind our back? Family members can be the worst. People who are not following Jesus and who are consumed with darkness, hate people who are walking in the Light. I understand not taking offense, but in my experience, when I turn the other cheek to abusers, they keep abusing and hate you more. It is not good to allow them to sin against us because when their sin flows freely, it not only harms me but it harms them too. Thoughts?

Great question! It’s one Amy Spreeman and I have received numerous times over the past few years, so we’ve recorded a podcast mini-series on it!

Beautiful Biblical Boundaries- part 1 deals with the Scriptures and biblical precepts addressing boundaries. We discuss how and when to erect boundaries (and how and when not to). This episode is currently scheduled to drop next Wednesday, November 12.

In Beautiful Biblical Boundaries- part 2, we’ll answer listeners’ questions about boundaries in their own lives and relationships. This episode is currently scheduled to drop in about two weeks, on Wednesday, November 19.

Please note that the links above will not work until the dates specified.

This comment was left on my article, Marriage: It’s My Pity Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To ~ 7 Ways to Take Your Focus Off Yourself and Put it Back on Christ (By the way, yes, I realize that the length of the titles of some of my articles rivals those of many of the Puritans’ books and pamphlets. I’m OK with that.😀)

I have a question about number 7…

This article pertains to normal, relatively healthy, Christian marriages. In other words, not abusive marriages. If you are being abused, get yourself and your children to a safe place, and call the police, your pastor, or a loved one for help.

Of course, I agree that we should be subject to our husbands. However, are we not to call them out gently on their sin when they are acting like “an ungodly jerk” according to various verses such as Proverbs 27:5, Luke 17:3, Matthew 18:15, and Galatians 6:1? I guess I’m just confused because both commands seem to contradict each other.

This is another super question! The short answer is, “Yes,” but as Ecclesiastes 3:1,7 tells us, “there is a time for every matter under heaven…a time to be silent and a time to speak,” and in the moment when your husband is acting like “an ungodly jerk,” he’s apt to respond poorly to his sin being exposed and corrected, which just compounds his sin. (And frankly, we wives usually respond just as poorly in that moment when the shoe is on the other foot.)

In that moment, generally speaking, it’s usually a time to be silent, and, assuming he’s not asking you to sin, do whatever it is he’s gruffly or impatiently asking you to do with a gracious, kind, willing, and loving attitude and demeanor, as opposed to pouting and feeling sorry for yourself – which is the theme of the article (and also why #7 focuses on the “a time to keep silent” aspect of submission rather than the “a time to speak” aspect of addressing your husband’s sin).

Have you ever heard the phrase “killing someone with kindness”? God has an amazing way of taking our example of godly obedience, kindness, and refusing to retaliate, and using that to convict the other person of his sin. He does that Himself with us:

Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?

Romans 2:4

So, yes, there’s a time to speak and – approaching your husband the way you would want to be approached – kindly and humbly address his sin. That time is usually… later. Not in the moment.

What makes you confident in your ability to determine who is a true or false teacher of the Bible? Are you a theologian or do you have background in studying theology and the Bible? Just curious.

(I’ve distilled this question down from a much longer laundry list of complaints from a follower about a Facebook post in which I warned against false teacher Priscilla Shirer. It’s hard to tell from the wording in the brief excerpt above, but this was not a genuine, good faith question from someone desiring to grow in her discernment skills. It was tossed out in a snarky, accusatory, “Who do you think you are?” tone. My tone below, per Proverbs 26:5, is a biblically appropriate response to hers.)

The Bible makes me confident in my ability to determine who is a true or false teacher of the Bible. And if you’re a genuinely regenerated Christian, it should make you confident too.

Our authority as Christians comes from God’s Word, not from a seminary. You don’t have to go to seminary to be a discerning Christian (in fact, many seminaries are so rife with false doctrine that you’d better be discerning before you get there). If you think about it, none of the people who wrote the Bible’s teachings on false teachers and false prophets ever went to seminary, including the Bereans, whom God praised for their discernment.

Scripture tells us:

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

1 John 4:1


Examining teachers and comparing their teaching and behavior with Scripture is a command from God for Christians, not an option, and certainly not something for Christians to criticize and scorn other Christians for doing (as long as they’re doing it biblically, which I am).

So the question here is not why am I obeying God’s Word, testing this spirit against Scripture, and when she’s found to be a false teacher, warning other Christians about her. The question is, if you’re a Christian, why aren’t you? Why aren’t you studying your Bible so that you understand it, and can see how Shirer’s words and actions conflict with it? Why aren’t you warning others against her? I would be very concerned about that for my own spiritual life if I were you.

I hope this resource will answer any other objections to the Bible’s command for discernment that you may have.

I later added these remarks (slightly edited here) to the remainder of the commenters on that post:

I would encourage you younger ladies (especially those who have been commenting in the “Where do you get off?!?!” vein to me) to consider this:

“When one becomes so familiar with His Word you can spot a false teacher a mile away – I told my girls that when you walk close to God and His WORD you become sensitive to the clanging gong of false teachers.”

This quote is from a 70+ year old “Titus 2:3-5 woman” who has been walking with the Lord and a passionate student of God’s Word for over 50 years. And she’s right. And as a younger woman (I’m 56), I’m very thankful for the wisdom she just spoke into my life.

As I said, I’m 56. I have been a faithful member of decent churches since 9 months before I was born. I’ve been saved since I was 12. That means I’ve been walking with the Lord and studying His Word at church, a Christian high school and college, in other Christian organizations, and on my own for 44 years. Longer than many of you have been alive. Furthermore, I’ve been blogging and “doing discernment ministry” for over 17 years.

If you had a doctor with 44 years of training and 17 years of diagnostic experience and he gave you a diagnosis you didn’t like, would you immediately throw it back in his face with a sassy, disrespectful, “What qualifies YOU to say so?” or “What makes you so sure you’re right? MY opinion is…”. I doubt it. You might respectfully ask him some questions or request some resources to help you understand. You might even politely seek a second or third opinion, but you would not be so brash and arrogant to immediately assume he has no idea what he’s talking about and is just being mean to you, and you know better than he does.

I’m not saying this to toot my own horn or “look down on anyone’s youth” (that would be out of context, anyway), and I’m certainly not saying I’m without sin or never make mistakes. I’m saying there’s a reason Titus 2:3-5 specifies that older women are to train younger women. (Which implies that younger women should listen to older women instead of immediately dismissing us out of hand when we say something you don’t like – especially when it’s backed up with rightly handled Scripture and other mature, doctrinally sound Christians corroborate it.) Younger women do not have the same spiritual maturity, life experience, wisdom, and biblical training that older women have who have been walking with the Lord for decades. (I definitely didn’t have it when I was a younger woman!)

By all means, get a second opinion from rightly handled, in context Scripture. Politely ask questions. Do the research on your own. But stop being so reactionary and lashing out every time you hear something biblical that you don’t like. All you’re doing is showcasing your spiritual immaturity and ignorance of Scripture and your lack of self control. Or, worst case scenario, you’re bearing the fruit of someone who isn’t saved.

I’m far from perfect, but I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck and start slinging the label of “false teacher” around willy nilly. By God’s incredible grace, mercy, wisdom, and sanctification, I’ve been doing this a long time, and I know what I’m talking about – all glory to Him.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.