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I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause I’d rather have Jesus than worldwide fame I’d rather be true to His holy name
We sang this lovely hymn in church the other day, and it was perfect timing. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking about women I’ve known across the years, women I’ve known of (but not personally) across the years, and the woman I’ve known best across the years, me. And I’ve been thinking about how and where we find our worth, fulfillment, and contentment and where we should find it: in Christ.
I don’t know about you, but one of the sins I constantly struggle against is coveting. It’s a sin we don’t think about very much. A private one that, often, nobody knows about except God and me.
Coveting is a sin we don’t think about very much. A private one that, often, nobody knows about except God and me.
And you know what I covet? What I think we all covet? Men’s applause. Worldwide fame. Or, at least, fame in my little corner of the world.
When we were children in Sunday school, coveting was sometimes explained to us as “wanting for ourselves what someone else has.” Her new doll. His fancier bike. It’s a decent kid-level definition, but in the same way that Jesus reminded us that the root sin of murder is hate and the root sin of adultery is lust we need to mature in our understanding of coveting, and realize that it also has a root sin: discontentment. Sometimes, it’s discontentment with what we have (greed), and sometimes it’s discontentment with who we are.
And who are we?
As Believers, we are children of the God of the universe who, despite our sin and rebellion against Him, loved us enough to lay down His own life to rescue us. He listens to us. He accepts us. He provides for us. And don’t even get me started on Heaven.
And if contemplating all that isn’t enough, the Bible tells us to be content. So why aren’t we? Why woud we rather have Jesus and men’s applause, and worldwide fame?
Because, as John Calvin so aptly put it, “Man’s nature, so to speak, is a perpetual factory of idols.” Our sinful flesh is always looking to gratify itself rather than glorify God. Any time our hearts say, “God’s not enough. I want more,” we’re committing idolatry, because whatever the “more” is, it’s other than God and lesser than God, and we’re seeking it instead of seeking God. And, as women, one of the biggest “more” idols we seek is feeling good about ourselves, or feeling worthy of love and acceptance.
Our sinful flesh is always looking to gratify itself rather than glorify God.
But instead of looking to Christ and letting Him define for us a right perspective of ourselves, we hit the crack pipe of the praise of men. It’s fast. It’s cheap. It’s easy. And the high is nearly instantaneous.
Instead of looking to Christ and letting Him define for us a right perspective of ourselves, we hit the crack pipe of the praise of men. It’s fast. It’s cheap. It’s easy. And the high is nearly instantaneous.
How? Allow me to introduce you to some frenemies of mine:
Marla MegaMom-Marla lives for and through her kids. Their successes are her successes. Their failures, her failures. She subtly or overtly pressures her kids to achieve because if they fail she’s afraid others won’t see her as a good mom. And being a failure as a mom means being a failure in life.
Dina Diva-Dina literally seeks the applause of others. She’s the top church soloist and the star of every Christmas production. She’s a public speaker or an instrumentalist or an actress, anything that can be done on a stage. Dina doesn’t feel good about herself unless people are clapping for her.
Veronica Victim-Poor Veronica. Everything in her life is always going wrong at home, at work, at church, with friends, with her health, with her car, with her dog. Nobody understands just how hard Veronica has it, so she makes it her life’s mission to let people know. In every story she tells, Veronica is the victim, and somebody else (or everybody else) is the bad guy. Please feel sorry for Veronica, because that’s the only way she can feel better about herself.
Helen the Heroine-Helen is Veronica’s cousin. In every story Helen tells, she’s the heroine, the paragon of virtue, the one who did everything right – short of severing a limb – to make everything work out, and somebody else is the bad guy. Helen is divorced and the bad guy is usually her ex-husband, but she’s versataile enough to apply her story telling skills to situations at work, church, with friends, etc. Helen thinks if you don’t see her as a heroine, she’s worthless.
Photo courtesy of CostumeCollection.com.au
Sally Superwoman-Sally does everything, and she does it superbly. She’s employee of the year at work and world’s best wife and mom at home. She’s a gourmet cook, flawlessly recreates every cake and craft on Pinterest, and her house looks like a photo shoot for Better Homes and Gardens. Other women know she’s got it all together, so she keeps all her plates spinning at a furious pace, because if one of them fell where would she be?
Popular Polly-Polly is everybody’s friend. She’s one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet with never a cross word for, or about, anybody. She agrees with (or at least doesn’t obviously disagree with) whatever is being said by the person she’s talking to at the moment, so it can be hard to pin down what she really believes. When someone unfriends/unfollows Polly on social media, she takes it personally, wondering what she did wrong. She only likes herself if enough other people like her.
Know It All Nettie-Maybe she’s got multiple degrees, or maybe she’s just well read, but Nettie is an expert. In everything. She sees it as her calling to educate people, starting a lot of sentences with, “Well, actually…” and rarely asking questions that would reveal her lack of knowledge on a subject. Ignorance is a weakness in Nettie’s mind, and she wants to be seen as strong.
Maisy the Martyr-Whenever there’s a request for helpers at church, someone to pull overtime or fill in for a co-worker, volunteers at the soup kitchen, the fulfillment of the smallest need of her family, Maisy will be there, working tirelessly. She secretly gets angry when no one recognizes her for all her hard work or when people take advantage of her, but she’s afraid to say no because she’s afraid people will be upset with her, and what kind of person would she be then?
Let’s Get Physical Phyllis-Whether she’s one to wear revealing clothes so all the men stare or she’s an organic, vegan workout queen, or she’s a clotheshorse, Phyllis is all about one thing: her body and how it looks. Did a construction worker whilstle at her today? A co-worker compliment her outfit? If not, maybe Phyllis had better lose a few more pounds or get that plastic surgery she’s been considering. After all, if people stop looking, she’s nothing.
Man-datory Maude-Maude always has a man. Always. Preferably an awesome one, but even a mediocre or lousy man is better than no man at all. Why? It’s tangible proof somebody wants her. Otherwise, how will people be able to see she’s a worthwhile person?
Take Charge Tallulah-Follow? You must be joking, darling. Tallulah was born to lead and plays second fiddle to no one. She’s the chair of every committee she’s on, and always the one to round up the worker bees and start doling out orders. No points for second place. If you’re not first, you’re last. Tallulah needs the submission of others to feel self confident.
Are you one of these women? Or, if you’re as Sybil as I am, maybe you’re all of these women to one extent or another. Little women, all. Little, because Maisy, Helen, Sally, and all the rest are coveting and settling for crumbs of approval from others when God is offering them the whole bakery of His delight in them. Little, because they’re zeroing in on one tiny aspect of their lives to earn the praise of men instead of lifting their eyes to the broad expanse of Heaven and focusing on the Christ who loves them and has set them free to rest in His acceptance of them through His shed blood.
There’s nothing wrong with eating right or being friendly, or serving, singing, or teaching. Those are all good things. But just as God can take the most evil things and use them for good, we, because of our sinful nature, have a tendency to take good things and use them for evil. And evil isn’t too strong a word when we’re talking about taking the good gifts and talents God has given us and using them to pursue idolatry.
Just as God can take the most evil things and use them for good, we, because of our sinful nature, have a tendency to take good things and use them for evil.
So what can we do? Romans 12:21 tells us, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” When that evil coveting of praise and notoriety rears its ugly head:
Overcome it by confessing your coveting and idolatry and asking God to forgive you for it.
Overcome it by asking God to help you do everything for His glory, so that men will praise Him and make His name famous instead of yours.
Overcome it by letting go and saying no. If you’re Dina, it’s OK to let somebody else have the leading role. If you’re Maude, it’s OK to stay home on date night. If you’re Veronica and someone asks how you’re doing, it’s OK to smile and say, “Fine.”
Overcome it by preaching the gospel to yourself. Remember how big God is, how small and weak you are and the lengths of love that He went to to save you anyway. Not because of who you are, but because of who He is. Rest in that, and praise and thank God for it.
I just noticed that I didn’t get last week’s Sunday School lesson posted. I have a good excuse, though. It was my 21st anniversary, and my husband and I went out to dinner :0) Please excuse my tardiness in getting this posted.
These are my notes from my ladies’ Sunday School class this morning. I’ll be posting the notes from my class here each week. They will be in outline form, so if you have any questions or need more details, please feel free to leave a comment below.
Godly Womanhood – God’s Role for Women in the Church Part 2- Opportunities to Serve
Titus 2
Last week, we talked last week about the “forbidden fruit” in the Garden of women’s service in the church. This week, we’re talking about all the other fruits God has lavished on us.
Titus- Background: Titus is a pastoral epistle written by Paul to Titus circa A.D. 62-64. Titus had worked with Paul at the church in Crete and was left there by Paul to continue pastoring that church. Paul instructs Titus on structure in the church (Ch. 1- qualifications for elders, Ch. 2- mentoring and teaching) and emphasizes the importance of Christians living godly lives. (Ch. 2-3) in order that God’s word may not be shamed and that it may attract people whom God wills to save.
Titus 2:
1- Who is “you”? What does it mean to “teach what accords with sound doctrine”?
“You” refers to Titus specifically, and pastors in general, though it applies to everyone who teaches God’s word. (Of course, it would not make sense that pastors are to teach sound doctrine, but others can teach false doctrine!) “Sound doctrine” means biblical teaching that matches God’s word in context.
2-3- How are “older men/women” to conduct themselves?
“Likewise…reverent” refers back to the list of characteristics in v. 2. “Older” generally means those 60+ who no longer had (for women) child-rearing responsibilities. We are all older than someone and should be working towards this little by little as we age.
When have children still home, our primary mission/teaching field is those children. God does not want us neglecting our families in order to train/serve others. However, it is important for children to see a godly example of service to church/others. Children can even be included in some acts of service (making meals, visiting elderly, etc.). There has to be a balance with our families coming first (another important reason for men not to shirk leadership duties- women don’t have to do all the church work AND all the child rearing).
“Empty nesters” and single women have the blessing of being able to devote much more time and energy to serving the church.
Anna (Luke 2:36-38)– Anna was a good example of godly older single woman and how she served in the “church”. Contrast Anna’s “giving thanks to God and speaking of Him” to Titus 2:3’s “slanderers and slaves to much wine”
“Teach what is good”– “Good” goes back to v.1- sound doctrine. We are to teach younger women to fulfill the special roles only women are uniquely created/crafted/shaped by God to fill. These things are “good” and also necessary, or Paul would not have mentioned them. They are not to be scorned in favor of the forbidden fruit of instructing men.
4- Why do younger women need to be trained to love their husbands and children? (Luke 9:23, Matthew 22:39, Luke 10:25-37) Somehow, we have the misguided notion that love is a simply a feeling and that it comes naturally. But, we are to love like Christ. We are to deny ourselves and take up the cross daily, love neighbor (family) as self, and be a Good Samaritan to our nearest neighbors- our families. It is a huge responsibility and sphere of influence.
5- Self-control in all areas: anger, modesty lust, selfishness, etc. Purity in thoughts/deeds: self-righteousness, selfish motivations. Working at home: making a peaceful, gospel-centered home where Christ is honored. Hospitality to the lost, ministering to church/neighbors out of your home, mentoring younger women- showing them an example of a godly home, and more.
Why are we to teach/learn to be self-controlled, pure, etc.? That the word of God may not be reviled. The world is watching. Live in obedience to God’s word as living testimonies to its truth in all aspects, but especially the gospel. Uphold the beauty and truth of God’s word by living it.
Other ministry opportunities for women: This is not an exhaustive list, just some things that class members have asked about, things suggested by Scripture, and common areas of church service that are not in conflict with God’s role for women’s service in the church as specified in 1 Timothy 2:12 and other Scriptures.
1. Raising up the next generation of godly men and women, and teaching children in the church (1 Timothy 2:15).
2. Correcting false or inaccurate Bible teaching (Acts 18:24-26) Notice: 1.) Priscilla does this in a support role to her husband, 2.) They take him off to the side, alone, not in front of others, or in a church service 3.) This is a temporary, needed at the moment, situation, not an ongoing office held by a woman. Ideally, a godly man will step up and handle situations like this, but in some cases a man is not available. Certainly women are to teach other women sound doctrine and to denounce false teachers, male or female.
3. Missions and evangelism (Matthew 28:18-20) The Great Commission is not limited to men. Women missionaries to women are needed, especially in Muslim countries in which women aren’t permitted to talk to men. Male missionaries to men are needed in these countries for the same reason. Married couple mission teams are also needed.
4. Hospitality and ministry support (Romans 16, Acts 16:15) Paul mentions several women he is thankful for who served in the church. Churches met in their homes (which was dangerous at that time), and they took in traveling missionaries/pastors (also risky). V. 13- Rufus’ mother was a “mother” to Paul (probably housed and fed him, did his laundry, etc.) Today, this could mean the same (taking in traveling minister) or serving your own pastor/his wife- type up the bulletin, babysit for pastor’s family, cook for them, etc.
5. Ministering to widows, orphans, the sick, the poor, and those in prison (Matthew 25:34-40) Food pantries/clothes closets or just giving of your abundance to those in need, working at orphanages/foster care, food/comfort for the bereaved, visiting in the hospital/housework while someone is sick, visiting at the women’s prison.
6. Financial support of others’ ministries (Luke 8:1-3, Acts 16:14)
7. Music (Ephesians 5:18-19)
8. Prayer (Acts 16:11-15) There were not 10 Jewish men (heads of household) in Philippi required to establish a synagogue, so the women were meeting out by the river to pray/worship.
9. Building and grounds upkeep.
10. Committee work and administration. As long as male leadership is not usurped, there are many committees women can serve on and some they can even chair.
11. Disaster relief
12. Special projects. Fundraising, dinners, collections for military care packages, outreach, VBS, etc.
Lots of areas of service in the church are biblically open to women, many of them needful of a woman’s special touch. Women’s service in the church is vital. It is not less important just because it does not include teaching and holding authority over men.
These are my notes from my ladies’ Sunday School class this morning. I’ll be posting the notes from my class here each week. Click here for last week’s lesson.
Background on 1 Corinthians: Written by Paul to the church in Corinth (in southern Greece) circa A.D. 55. Aphrodite (Greek goddess of love) worship was the major religion. Gross immorality and drunken debauchery included: fornication, adultery, homosexuality, polygamy, concubinage, prostitution, and incest. Ch. 7 was in response to a previous letter from the church to Paul asking questions about marriage/sex.
7:1-2- What is the Corinthians’ question? Why would they ask this? How did Paul answer?
v. 1- Paul is restating a quote from their letter, not giving instruction himself. Because of the extent of the sexual corruption in Corinth (most in the church had grown up in this environment and didn’t know any differently), the baby Corinthian church has a skewed, confused understanding of sex and thinks maybe Christians should stay away from it altogether (even inside marriage). Paul has to hit the “reset button” on their theology of sex and show them it is a good gift of God in its proper context.
7:2-5- Parameters for a biblical theology of sex:
1. Sex is only to take place between a man and a woman who are married to each other. (2ff)
V. 2- “Each man his own wife/woman her own husband.” V.3ff all continue to assume sex inside heterosexual marriage as evidenced by the terms “husband”/”wife”. This automatically precludes homosexuality, prostitution, adultery, fornication, etc.
2. Both husband and wife have a right to reasonably expect regular sex in their marriage (3). (Assuming the health and capability of both.)
Notice that the husband is mentioned first- emphasizing that the husband should fulfill the wife’s sexual needs, not just his own. As in all other aspects of marriage, we serve each other unselfishly, and don’t use each other for our own gratification.
3. Sex is a gift that both spouses should give generously, and as an act of love and service, to one another (4).
This is the other side of the coin to #2. There should be a healthy and mutually agreeable balance, but we are not to be stingy in responding to requests for sex. Sex shouldn’t be dependent on the whims of “mood”. God gave us our bodies to serve in all aspects of our marriages, including sex.
Think about it: there are a lot of times we don’t especially feel like doing the dishes, cleaning up after the kids, etc., but we do it anyway and with a good attitude. What does it say to our husbands when they see us doing all those things because they’re important, but constantly turning down sex because we’re “not in the mood”? What if he constantly wasn’t “in the mood” to say “I love you,” or listen to you when you need to talk?
Notice that the wife is mentioned first here for emphasis as this can be an area more in need of improvement for women than men.
4. Do not deprive one another (5).
Sex, as in #3, is a gift we freely and lovingly give to one another. It is not a weapon, a reward, a bribe, or a bargaining chip. Would we use food as a reward, bribe, weapon, etc? Any break in normal sexual activity must be by mutual agreement, and even then only for a short time for SPIRITUAL PURPOSES. (Again, assuming the health of both. This particular verse doesn’t address the incapacitation of a spouse.)
5. A godly sex life inside of marriage is a safeguard against temptation to sexual immorality (2, 5-9).
Yes, there is sexual temptation even in the best of marriages, but how much more would there be without a godly sexual relationship in marriage? We are not just serving a physical need, but also a spiritual one- helping each other avoid temptation.
Being single is a good gift of God, and there are advantages to it (later in chapter), but if the temptation to immorality is too great, it is better to get married and have that sexual outlet in place.
7:10-11- We are not to desire and seek out divorce. Related passages: Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-9, Genesis 2:24, Malachi 2:16
“Not, I but the Lord” Paul is reiterating what God has already spoken. Repentance and reconciliation is God’s desire, not divorce.
7:12-14, 16- What if one spouse isn’t saved? Related passage: 1 Peter 3:1-2
“I, not the Lord”: New revelation. God had not previously spoken on this. New Corinthian believers were confused and thought perhaps they should divorce unsaved spouses to marry saved ones. Just as 1 Pet. 3 says, spouses and children can be won to Christ through the testimony/behavior of the saved spouse.
“Made holy” doesn’t equal “vicariously saved.” It means God will be working in lost spouse’s/children’s lives toward salvation through the testimony of the saved spouse. They will also benefit from the blessings that go along with being married to someone who is saved (having a spouse who is faithful, kind, forgiving, etc.) and constant exposure to the gospel.
7:15- God does not hold divorce against a Christian (as sin) in this situation.
There are only two instances for “biblical divorce”: Infidelity (see Matthew passages above) and an unbelieving spouse leaving. In this situation, it is not the Christian seeking divorce, but the lost spouse. The Christian is a victim of divorce, not the initiator. The Christian spouse should be living in obedience to the Lord and doing everything he/she can to keep the marriage together, but notice: “God has called you to peace” Every situation is different, but a point comes when continuing to fight for the marriage can violate the peace God calls you to, and you have to let go and leave things in God’s hands.
7:17-24- God saves people “where they’re at” for a reason.
God knows the situation/time of your life you’re in when He saves you. One reason for this is so that people in your life (spouse, co-workers, friends, etc.) can see the results of Christ saving you, which can open the door for you to share the gospel with them. God doesn’t save you just to save you- He saves you to save the people around you. One of those people could be your lost spouse.
Unless your hobbies/job/friends are inherently sinful (you’re a hit man who likes to hang out with dope dealers at the strip club), you don’t necessarily have to dump everything in your life when you get saved. You don’t have to quit your job to become a missionary or dump all your old friends and replace them with church friends. You could be how God saves them.
7:6-9, 25-40- Singleness and marriage are both good gifts given to different people for God’s sovereign purposes.
Marriage is a good gift for protecting from temptation and for raising Godly children. Singleness has the wonderful advantage of allowing one to concentrate more time on prayer, study, and ministry.
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