Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er, kinda? sometimes?😀) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.
I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
I recently commented on a post on X regarding a husband determining how his household votes and I took the position that if the husband votes against biblical principles, the wife should not have to also do so.
After reading your article I “feel led” in a different direction from my husband, I think my position is wrong. My husband generally votes liberal and I conservative. I try to keep quiet regarding my opinions which do not align with his, but my husband knows how I vote and he does not like it. Like the lady in the article, I would like to know that I am doing the right thing if I vote according to my husband’s choices.
Great question! I’m so glad you’re trying to think this through biblically and that you want to submit to your husband.
There’s a pretty big difference between the situation the lady in the “I ‘feel led'” article was asking about and the situation you’re asking about.
Her husband wasn’t doing anything sinful or unbiblical. He was doing something morally neutral and potentially beneficial for his family. Your husband is doing something sinful and unbiblical (especially if he professes to be a Christian), and potentially harmful to thousands or millions of people. Remember this paragraph of the article?
Unless your husband is…encouraging you to do something sinful, God’s will is for you to graciously submit to his decisions. Denying your request to move to another state may not make you happy, but it does not qualify as…sin.
Your initial position was correct. No Christian should vote for things that conflict with rightly handled, in context Scripture, and that includes Christian wives whose husbands vote in favor of those things. No, you would not be doing the right thing if you vote in favor of unbiblical issues simply because your husband does.
God is a God of order who established and runs His world according to a hierarchy of authorities that we are to submit to. The Christian woman’s hierarchy of authorities to submit to looks like this:
God
Your husband
Other authorities in their appropriate spheres
(your pastor, the government, your boss, etc.)
You should absolutely submit to your husband, even if your husband isn’t a Believer. But God outranks your husband, and if God tells you to do something (in rightly handled, in context Scripture), and your husband tells you to do something else, you submit to God, not your husband. As Peter said in Acts 5:29, “We must obey God rather than men.”.
Sit down with your husband and have a conversation about this. Acknowledge that you’re aware he doesn’t like the way you vote, but that you can’t vote for things that are unbiblical. Reassure him that you will never lie to him about how you plan to vote and that you will vote the way he does on any issue that does not conflict with Scripture.
But on the items that do conflict with Scripture, there are two options on the table:
- You can continue to vote on the issue in alignment with Scripture
- You can refrain from voting on those items
Let him know you’ll graciously abide by whatever he decides. That way you will be submitting to him, but in a way that doesn’t cause you to sin against your conscience.
I would encourage you to also listen to our A Word Fitly Spoken podcast episode Should Women Vote?
I have followed you for 6-7 years (or more-time flies!) and have learned so much about false teachers and discernment. This has also cost me many friends. I am deeply sad that so many are led astray. Would you please read the following Facebook post that my friend posted and comment on how you would respond to this? Thank you for your time and consideration.
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and for being a loyal follower!
Yep, that’s me – if you have too many friends or too many social media followers, just start sharing my articles with them. I guarantee that will whittle your friend list down to an easily manageable number!😀
This is one of those things that sounds kinda “Christiany” on the surface, but the minute you start giving it any actual biblical thought, it collapses like the house of cards it is. I mean, just take the very last sentence.
Do you think any evangelical woman who swears by all this stuff -let’s call her “Vivian Virtue Signaler”- is going to find joy by surrounding herself with me (or any other doctrinally sound Christian who would tell her this is all a bunch of holier-than-thou hoo hah)? I give Vivian five minutes before she takes a swing at me – someone who, undoubtedly, lives “differently” than she does.
This is a classic mixture of truth and error. It mirrors Satan’s approach in the Garden. It’s unbiblical hubris disguised as an angel of light.
BEFORE READING FURTHER, let me issue all of my readers a little challenge. Go through each of the points listed on the meme, read them carefully, and see if you can explain – from rightly handed, in context, chapter and verse Scripture – why each statement is either biblical or unbiblical. Then, read my answers below and let’s see if we’re on the same page!
Here we go!
The title of this meme, “I Care About You,” is a lie for any Christian who agrees with many of the things listed in items 1-9.
- Who you choose to love, and how you love, is your business.
Anyone with a pulse knows this is code for, “Homosexuality is fine, and nobody better say any different.”. It’s a veiled threat. No one who’s actually been born again would ever say something so hateful to someone enslaved to the sin of homosexuality or any other sexual sin. When we see someone who desperately needs a Savior, it’s our business to call that person to repent and believe the gospel.
Furthermore, Vivian, if someone chooses to “love” your husband, your nine year old, or your dog in a sexually immoral way, is that still just his or her business? I think you’d say that’s now your business.
X - I respect your pursuit of happiness.
Again, this is code for, “Sin all you like, in any way you like! I’ll never confront you!”. How is that “I care about you,” for a Christian?
Vivian, what if my “pursuit of happiness” includes stealing your car, drowning kittens, or correcting all of these unbiblical beliefs you hold? You’re going to stand by and joyfully “respect” my pursuit of those things without telling me to stop? I don’t believe that for a second.
X - I will live and let live.
Riiiiiiight. No one who has ever said this truly believes it or lives it out. No one. Eventually, everyone confronts someone about something and tells him to stop. Why? First, because the law is written on our hearts. We all have a basic sense of right and wrong, justice and injustice. We’re not going to “let live” someone whose “pursuit of happiness” includes harming someone we love. Second, we idolize the comfort of our own flesh. If someone walks up to you and starts repeatedly poking you in the arm, exactly how many pokes will it take before “live and let live” goes right out the window?
(How ya doing over there, Vivian Virtue Signaler? Finding a lot of joy in this dismantling of your ridiculous and unbiblical platitudes?)
X - I will follow my faith, knowing that Jesus calls me to love.
Yo Viv, how about you follow the Bible, knowing that your “faith” is in the world’s definition of “love”. I got your love right here:
Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. 1 John 2:15-16
You love the world and its ideologies. You love people thinking you’re a wonderful person. You don’t love Christ and His Word.
Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
You won’t even lay your life down enough to call sinners to repent and believe the gospel. You hate them by leaving them to die in their sins.
X - I will try to use my time on this earth wisely, choosing understanding over judgment.
This whole screed is you judging other “Christians” who aren’t as awesome and virtuous as you are. It’s dripping with unbiblical, hypocritical judgment against the Christian clodhoppers who are so backwards and hick as to actually believe the Bible and do what it says.
You have no wisdom or understanding, because the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding, and, based on this meme, you clearly don’t fear Him or know Him in any substantive way. And you also don’t know what biblical judgment is. So you’re not equipped to do any of those things.
X - I will not name call or belittle.
This is a great – and, in fact, biblical – aspiration, Vivian, but this entire meme implicitly belittles everyone who isn’t as wonderful as you are. Furthermore, it’s the very “Christians” who say things like this and parade their awesomeness around in front of everybody who are the first to attack doctrinally sound Christians for humbly obeying Scripture and calling others to do the same.
X - I am not better than you.
This is a true and biblical statement, Vivian. If you believed this, you wouldn’t have created and posted this virtue signaling meme.
X - We are all humans, created by God, not robots programmed to think, act, or live the same way.
Accurate, at least on the surface. But in the context of all the other things Vivian is saying in this meme, what she seems to mean is that, for example, living as a Satan worshiping, transsexual, abortionist is just as valid a way of life as living as a genuinely regenerate Christian who thinks, acts, and lives according to Scripture.
It’s not. There’s a vast difference between “not thinking, acting, or living the same way” when it comes to morally neutral life choices like urban vs. rural, vegetarian vs. carnivore, or white collar vs. blue collar, and “not thinking, acting, or living the same way” when it comes to life choices that are not morally neutral, like Satanist vs. Christian, homosexual vs. heterosexual, or drunkenness vs. sobriety.
When it’s a matter of “not thinking, acting, or living the same way” as the Bible commands, that’s sin. And people living in sin must be called to repent and believe the gospel. That’s the only way “I Care About You” can be true.
X
X - I will love you as you express your kind, honest, true self.
Well, Viv, I’ve expressed my kind, honest, true self to you, and I am kindly, honestly, and truly telling you that you need to repent of all these unbiblical notions and of the pride that motivated you to create and post this meme. Do you love me?
From experience, I’ve found joy in surrounding myself with those who live differently than I do.
I don’t, because, broadly speaking, people who “live differently than I do” with regard to those life choices that aren’t morally neutral, aren’t saved.
And I find no joy in surrounding myself with sinners who are determined to fling themselves into the bowels of Hell for all eternity.
I find that heartbreaking.
I want them to know Christ. I want them to know the same forgiveness, peace, love, and hope I found when I came to know Him.
That’s what “I Care About You” means for a Christian.
Now, my dear reader who submitted this question, you asked how I would respond to this. The above is how I respond to the content of the meme.
If you’re asking how you should respond to your friend who found this meme somewhere and shared it on Facebook, I would take into consideration your friend’s spiritual state (lost or saved?) and, if she’s saved, her level of spiritual maturity, and I would most likely just scroll on by without comment.
If, for some reason, you do find it necessary to discuss it with her, I would do so privately and in person. Just take her through the various points of the meme, kindly and patiently ask her questions about what she understands each statement to mean, and point her to Scripture.
Be prepared for her not to react well. Maybe she’s just a young Christian who doesn’t know any better and will be thankful to learn from you. I hope that’s the case. But she could also be someone who’s entrenched in this drivel, doesn’t want you raining on her parade of good vibrations, and will not take kindly to anyone contradicting it. Don’t let her reaction deter you from standing firmly, yet kindly, on the truth of Scripture.
My question is, for childrens ministry, is it appropriate or biblical to have Sunday lessons as well as Wednesday night lessons for the children? I find myself being stretched thin and believe the responsibility should be for parents to primarily teach their children. I think of Titus, where Paul exhorts the older women to teach the younger women. I believe that though I have a passion to teach both women and children, I am being led to teach the mothers to teach their own children. While still continuing in Sunday lessons at least until the kids reach 12 yrs.
I think I understand what you’re asking, but I’m going to have to read between the lines a bit, because a few key pieces of information seem to be missing. So please forgive me if I misread between the lines.
There is absolutely nothing wrong or unbiblical, and everything right and biblical, with a church that has children’s Bible classes on Sunday morning and Wednesday night, just like they might have adult Bible classes on Sunday morning and Wednesday night. In fact, among the churches I’m familiar with, this is exactly what most of them do.
I’m inferring from your statements about being “stretched thin” and your passion for teaching children that perhaps you are the only one teaching the children’s classes and you’re starting to get a little burned out or your life has gotten busier and you no longer have time to prepare for and teach both Sunday and Wednesday.
If that’s the case, there are two separate issues at play here, and I would encourage you to keep them separate in order to handle each of them biblically.
First, while it’s important to keep our commitments, to be women of our word, and to follow through with things we’ve agreed to do, sometimes life just happens. This is why it is important to make sure our priorities in life are in a biblical order and that we learn to say no to lower priority things that impinge on higher priority things.
A Christian woman’s priorities and obligations should be:
Her personal relationship with Christ
Her husband (if she’s married)
Her children and grandchildren (if any)
Her church
Relationally close extended family / loved ones
Her job or other work outside of managing her household
Leisure, hobbies, optional volunteer work
Naturally, emergencies and other situations may temporarily shift some of these things around a bit. Caring for an aging parent may force you to miss church sometimes. If your neighbor’s house is on fire, the Lord does not want you to finish your morning Bible study time instead of helping them.
But if, for instance, you’ve entered a season of life in which your children or husband need more of your time at home, it’s OK to finish out, and cut back on, your commitments (those that are over and above attending Bible study and worship service) at church.
Too many Christian women do not know how to say a holy “no,” and end up overextending themselves in a way that is a disservice to themselves and their families, and is actually displeasing to the Lord. You do not have to say “yes” to everything you’re asked to do. (And trust me, the more you say yes, the more you’ll be asked.)
When someone asks you to take on a long term responsibility like teaching a class, or serving on a committee, or cooking the Wednesday night fellowship meal, or whatever, your immediate response should be something along the lines of, “I’m honored that you asked me. Let me talk to my husband about it and pray about it. Could I get back to you next week with my answer?”. And then take that time to think, pray, and discuss with your husband whether or not this new responsibility would be a fit for you, your family, and your schedule.
If it’s not, there’s no shame in that, and you don’t need to make up excuses (which can turn out to be lies, if you’re not careful). All you have to say is, “Myrtle, I’m so honored you asked me to teach the three year old class every week, but after discussing it with my husband, praying about it, and evaluating my schedule, I’m afraid I can’t commit to that right now. I’ll pray with you that you’ll find just the right person for the job.”.
Just because there’s a vacancy or a need doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be the one to fill it.
So if that’s the type of situation you’re in – you’re overextended, or you’ve been teaching the children forever and you just need a break, or God truly is changing the direction He wants you to go in serving Him (from teaching children to teaching adult women) that’s OK in and of itself. You don’t need to lean on “parents should be their children’s primary Bible teachers” or any other “loftier” theological reason to cut back or shift gears.* Prayerfully and honestly decide what you need to do to honor God, finish out your commitment or give plenty of notice, and do it.
*(I’m not saying the lady who asked the question is doing this, I just know that among hard-working, constantly serving Christian women, sometimes we feel like we have to have some sort of super spiritual sounding reason for saying no to something. We don’t. Keeping your priorities in a biblical order is a “super spiritual” reason.)
The principle of parents needing to be their children’s primary Bible teachers is a separate issue. Yes, parents should be pouring the Word and prayer into their children every day. Two Bible classes a week at church is not going to prevent or interfere with parents who are committed to doing that.
For parents who are not already committed to teaching their children the Bible at home, but are relying on the children’s Bible classes at church to do their job for them, canceling one or both of the classes is not the answer. That’s not going to suddenly inspire those parents to start teaching their children the Bible. All it’s going to do is reduce or eliminate the only Bible teaching the children are currently receiving.
My advice (depending on what your husband and your pastor say, of course – you’ll need to check with them first) would be to find however many people you need to either help you with or take over the children’s classes, and then begin discipling the mothers to teach their children the Bible at home during the week. Or maybe do both. Disciple the mothers, but also have them come with their children to either or both of the weekly classes so they can learn how to teach their children the Bible. Maybe even have the moms rotate teaching the children’s classes so they can get some “on the job training”! That might be a good way to get the help you need in the children’s classes.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
