Author: Michelle Lesley

Servant of Christ, wife, mother, churchwoman, women's discipleship blogger, podcaster, and speaker.
Abortion, Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Ectopic pregnancies… Selfie vanity… Staying single… Devotionals)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

A question on your post regarding abortion if I may. I am most definitely pro-life. You stated that every attempt should be made to save the life of the mother and child — including in cases of ectopic pregnancies. Can you direct me to articles of the professionals you mentioned who have stated publicly that ectopic pregnancies can be saved?

My first and only pregnancy was both an anembryonic pregnancy and a tubal pregnancy. I was told that I was 5 minutes until death, and that the tubal pregnancy could not be saved. I have wondered about this for many years but cannot find any information regarding a tubal pregnancy that can be saved. Thank you.

My deepest condolences for the loss of your baby. May the Lord continue to comfort you and give you peace.

I’m so sorry, but I think you may have misunderstood that part of the article. Here’s what it says:

“Abortion is never necessary to save the mother’s life. Numerous OB/GYNs and other medical professionals have stated this publicly. In cases in which the mother’s life and/or health are at stake (including ectopic pregnancies), the biblical and medically ethical approach is to make every attempt to save both the mother and child (which can often be done through early delivery, not abortion). If the child dies during the attempt to save him and his mother, that is a grievous tragedy, but it is not an abortion. Abortion is the intentional, proactive killing of a child.”

The statement, “Numerous OB/GYNs and other medical professionals have stated this publicly,” refers to the previous sentence (“Abortion is never necessary to save the mother’s life.”) and link. In other words, these medical professionals have stated that abortion is never necessary to save the mother’s life, not that babies in ectopic pregnancies can be saved.

With ectopic pregnancies, “the biblical and medically ethical approach is to make every attempt to save both the mother and child…”. As I understand the situation, at this point in medical technology, it is not possible for a doctor, while attempting to save the mother with an ectopic pregnancy, to also save the life of the baby. However, it is my understanding that, through research, an attempt is being made to discover ways to save these precious babies, possibly through re-implantation or other means.

I think you will find the video below to be helpful as well as its companion article:

What about Ectopic Pregnancies?

One of the things Sarah mentions in the video that I found enlightening is that ectopic pregnancies are fairly rare, and that it is rarer still for the ectopic pregnancy to be nurturing a live, normally developing embryo.

She says that in every case she has personally seen in her career, either the baby in the ectopic pregnancy has already died by the time the mother is treated, or the cells in the blastocyst are so aberrant that normal development of a living fetus would be impossible, or both.

Is there a Biblical way to approach Christian friends about the appearance of vanity when they regularly post pictures of themselves on social media?

It is so kind of you to care about your friends’ reputation in the eyes of others.

There is a biblical way to approach them. There is not a way to approach them that comes with a guarantee that they won’t get mad. Those are two different things. In fact, it is likely no matter how gently and kindly you biblically broach the subject, they will get mad. That’s just how people respond to what they perceive to be criticism these days – even professing Christians.

And (assuming that what your friends are doing actually violates Scripture and isn’t just a matter of opinion – which I have no way of knowing) that’s OK. The fact that they get mad doesn’t automatically mean you weren’t being loving or biblical. As Christian women, we’ve been taught by society and by most of the popular evangelical women celebrities that the cardinal, unforgivable sin is hurting someone’s feelings. And that is what’s not biblical. You won’t find a single passage of Scripture that says, “Confront sin … unless it would offend somebody.”

Since the appearance of vanity is a highly subjective and sensitive issue, and one most Christian women aren’t familiar with, I would suggest broaching the subject privately and gently, keeping in mind that there’s always the possibility that you may be misreading the situation:

“Suzy, you know I love you and care for you, and I love looking through the pictures you post on social media. That picture of your dog last week was really cute! I’m just wondering if there’s a reason why you’re posting so many selfies? I know you love the Lord and I wouldn’t want others who see your pictures to get the impression that you’re vain or self-centered, but rather to see the godly young woman I know and love.”

If she’s teachable and willing to discuss the issue, you might wish to work through these Scriptures with her. (For the 1 Timothy 5 passage, I highly recommend listening to the section of our A Word Fitly Spoken podcast episode, Biblical Women’s Ministry, that explains this passage.)

You might also find the podcast series Amy and I did on modesty to be informative. “Modesty” doesn’t just mean refraining from dressing in a sexually provocative way. It also means dressing and conducting yourself in a way that doesn’t make you the center of everyone else’s attention.

Modesty: part 1 part 2 part 3– at A Word Fitly Spoken

Would you be so kind as to help me Biblically on the single/divorced woman. I would like to know if it’s OK to make my own way in life without remarriage. I am very successful in my profession, and content in my walk with the Lord and being single. (Or direct me to one of your articles)

It’s a great question, and one I’m sure a lot of single and single again Christian women wonder about.

There are a few different possibilities of how you might have arrived at the state of being single:

  • You’ve never married
  • You’re a younger widow
  • You’re an older widow
  • You initiated a divorce for unbiblical reasons
  • You initiated a divorce for biblical reasons (adultery, abandonment)
  • Your husband initiated an unwanted divorce (abandonment)

If you’ve never married, you’re an older widow, you initiated a divorce for a biblical reason, or your husband initiated an unwanted divorce, my general counsel would be to get up every day and serve the Lord faithfully wherever He has planted you – in life, in your church, in your job, and in your relationships. God says being single can be a good thing:

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.

1 Corinthians 7:8

But never say “never”. There’s no requirement for you to pursue marriage, but don’t tell God “no” if He seems to be leading you toward marriage at some point in the future. Marriage is a good thing, too, especially if you struggle to control yourself sexually:

But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband… But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Corinthians 7:2,9

If you’re a younger widow, 1 Timothy 5:14 encourages you to remarry (a godly man, under godly circumstances, of course). In our culture, I think the principles behind this particular passage would also include younger divorcees who either initiated a divorce for a biblical reason or whose husbands initiated an unwanted divorce.

If you initiated a divorce for an unbiblical reason Scripture seems to indicate that you should remain unmarried:

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11

If you have not repented for initiating an unbiblical divorce – whether before or after you got saved – you should definitely not remarry, and you need to repent. However, if you have repented, there is some disagreement among reputable Bible scholars as to whether this prohibition on remarriage applies to any divorce you’ve initiated for unbiblical reasons (pre- or post-salvation), or only to post-salvation divorce, since Paul is speaking to Christians in 1 Corinthians 7. If you initiated a divorce for unbiblical reasons, it is imperative that you seek godly counsel from your (doctrinally sound) pastor if you’re considering remarriage.

In fact, in any situation in which marriage or remarriage is being considered, pastoral counsel is a must. And even if you’re contemplating lifelong singlehood, I would encourage you to seek pastoral counsel as well.

Whatever your future holds, while you’re single, steward your singleness to the glory of God.

Additional Resources:

All the Single Ladies at A Word Fitly Spoken

Imperishable Beauty: A Study of Biblical Womanhood (lesson 13 deals specifically with singlehood)

The Mailbag: Is it all right for a Christian to get divorced?

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Remarriage after divorce…

The Mailbag: Potpourri (…Remarriage Forbidden?)

I read your articles on recommended women to follow but could not find that any of them had a devotional book. I am involved in a ministry at our church and put together goody bags for them. I’d like to give them a devotional book. Do you have any recommendations?

That’s awfully kind of you to make these women feel special and loved. Thank you for serving your church.

On principle, I do not make recommendations for Bible study books or materials, or devotionals. Instead, I encourage women to study straight from the text of Scripture (see my article The Mailbag: Can you recommend a good Bible study for women/teens/kids? for more information).

May I recommend instead that you give them a lovely copy of “God’s devotional” – the book of Psalms or Proverbs? Here are a few I found (I didn’t vet all of these websites, so I’m not recommending them, just suggesting a few books to consider):

ESV Scripture Journal: Proverbs

Psalms for Joyful Living

Proverbs for your Daily Path

Mini Book of Psalms

Vest Pocket New Testament with Psalms and Proverbs

Or if you’d like to go with a copy of the gospel of John, check out these designs from the Pocket Testament League. (I would strongly recommend the ESV versions.) You can even design your own cover!

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Speaking Engagements

Report Back: Cullman, Alabama, Women’s Conference

Michelle Lesley

I recently had the pleasure of fellowshipping and sharing with the wonderful women of Cullman, Alabama, and the surrounding area at Salem Baptist Church’s women’s conference, put on by the awesome men of SBC. “The women of this church are the serving-est women I know,” Pastor Cory told me, “and we want to serve them for a change!”. What a great way to “outdo one another in showing honor”! (Romans 12:10)

My husband has taken to driving me to conferences that are nearby (and occasionally, those that aren’t!), so, since Cullman is a scant 6 1/2 hours from Baton Rouge, he accompanied me on this whirlwind trip. We had a great time together, chatting and listening to podcasts, and he really enjoyed hanging out with Pastor Cory and the rest of the brothers at Salem.

After a quick “stop and shop” (and lunch!) at Buc-ee’s in Leeds, AL…

Buc-ee’s is the new Stuckey’s. If you know, you know. :0)🦫

…we arrived in Cullman Friday afternoon and got settled into our motel. Pastor Cory and his delightful wife, Amber, immediately whisked us away for some fabulous Mexican ice cream. Mine was chocolate-brownie-Oreo. I could definitely go for some more of that!

Friday night, it was conference time!

On arriving, we could see that Salem Baptist is a charming little church tucked into a beautiful, pastoral nook of northern Alabama.

  • I spy, with my little eye, TWO crosses. :0)
  • I miss “Baptist scoreboards”. Nice to see you, old friends!
  • SBC has lovely stained glass windows.
  • This serene horse pasture sits across the street from SBC.
  • She ain’t what she used to be, many long years ago. :0)
  • “Lady, are you ever going to stop taking pictures of us?”

A delicious pulled pork dinner from what must be the best barbecue restaurant for miles around was a fantastic way to get the festivities kicked off.

  • Pastor Cory welcomes the ladies.
  • Lovely centerpieces!

Once everyone was well fed and ready to focus, we headed into our first teaching session, God’s Design for Biblical Womanhood. Womanhood is special and unique. Womanhood – not a cheap knockoff of manhood – is something God values and wants women to display in the world, the church, and the family.

Friday night worship, teaching, and fellowship:

A hearty breakfast awaited us as we arrived at SBC Saturday morning.

Thank you so much to these gracious gents who worked so hard in the kitchen and in other capacities before and during the conference!

Saturday’s teaching started with our second session on biblical womanhood: Walking in Biblical Womanhood. Everybody wants to change the world, but nobody wants to change the diapers. God’s plan for most of us is to change the diapers, get the groceries, make the meals. We fight back against feminism by standing – right where God has placed us – and living each day faithfully.

We wrapped things up for the weekend with a fun Q&A session. These ladies asked some smart questions!

Saturday teaching and fellowship:

I don’t mind telling you this might be my favorite picture of the whole conference. It is never too early to start teaching your girls about biblical womanhood. Whenever you can, include them in multi-generational events like this one where they’ll be around godly older women they can begin developing Titus 2 relationships with.

All too soon, it was time to say goodbye. My deepest thanks to Cory and Amber, and all the men and women of Salem Baptist Church who worked so hard to host a fantastic conference, took care of all my needs, and made me feel so welcome. If you’re ever in the area and need a good church to visit, make plans to spend the Lord’s Day with these wonderful brothers and sisters.

If your church or organization is ever in need of a speaker for a women’s event, I’d love to come share with your ladies as well. Click here for more information, or to find an upcoming event near you!

Photo Credits

Many thanks to Amber and other conference attendees who took most of the photos above. You may assume that if I’m in the picture or if it’s a good quality photo that I didn’t take it. The remaining photos were shot by me.

Discernment

Fighting Off the Wolves

Michelle Lesley

Originally published March 20, 2018

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Photo and quote courtesy of The Patriot. ©2000, Columbia Pictures, Inc.

I love pastors. I really do. As a minister of music’s wife, church member, and through involvement in other ministries, I’ve known a lot of them. They have a tough job that most of us wouldn’t take on in a million years. I pray for and encourage my own pastor and my pastor buddies regularly, and try to remind y’all to do the same from time to time. All this to say, I’m not a preacher-basher. Far from it.

But sometimes there’s a bit of a veering in a dangerous direction, like a vehicle heading towards the center line, among (some, not all) pastors who are momentarily distracted and might need a friendly “Hey, did you see that truck we’re about to crash into?” from their terrified, front seat passenger.

Color me terrified.

There are pastors out there who treat false teachers with kid gloves. They refuse to label anyone as a false teacher, or only vaguely allude to certain false teachers without naming names. I’d like to encourage those pastors to pull the steering wheel to the right and call a spade a spade. Yes, they need to use the label of false teacher soberly, sadly, and only after making sure, with hard evidence, that it is warranted, but enough with grown men of God tiptoeing around under the guise of “we don’t know what’s in that person’s heart” or “I’m afraid to be painted with the ‘mean old discernment blogger’ brush.”

Enough with grown men of God tiptoeing around under the guise of “we don’t know what’s in that person’s heart” or “I’m afraid to be painted with the ‘mean old discernment blogger’ brush.”

The Bible doesn’t say anywhere that a pastor shouldn’t call someone a false teacher and warn the flock about him just because the pastor doesn’t know for sure what’s in the person’s heart or because he’s afraid of what others might think. We are all to look at their words and their behavior and judge (that’s right, I said “judge“) whether or not they are teaching what accords with sound doctrine. And if they’re not, they need to be denounced. Not in a wild-eyed, foaming at the mouth, wingnut way, but certainly loudly and decisively as a mature man of God.

We never see Paul or Jesus or Peter or Jude or any other godly man in the Bible being over-cautious about firmly calling out those who had proved themselves to be false teachers.

We never see Paul or Jesus or Peter or Jude or any other godly man in the Bible being over-cautious about firmly calling out those who had proved themselves to be false teachers.

“Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” – Jesus, Matthew 16:11

“Woe to you, Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites…blind guides…fools…serpents…brood of vipers.” – Jesus, Matthew 23

“For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds.” – Paul, 2 Corinthians 11:13-15

“For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.” – Jude, Jude 4

“They count it pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, while they feast with you. They have eyes full of adultery, insatiable for sin. They entice unsteady souls. They have hearts trained in greed. Accursed children! Forsaking the right way, they have gone astray.” – Peter, 2 Peter 2:13b-15a

“But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed.”
Paul, Galatians 1:8-9

Would pastors today be wise to use this same kind of verbiage? Maybe. Maybe not. These godly men spoke and wrote in a way that was appropriate for their time, culture, and context. Our time, culture, and context are different and may call for a different approach. But the point is, none of them were afraid to speak the truth boldly about false teachers in order to protect the sheep God had entrusted to them. And we sheep today desperately need courageous shepherds who will do the same.

Pastors, if you speak out against false teachers, there are people who will get mad at you. It’s unavoidable. But there are others who know the truth and will be cheering you on and supporting you. And there are still others you will turn back from false doctrine who will learn the truth of God’s word and love you for warning them. And their souls are worth any risk or trial.

Be encouraged, dear pastors. Be strong in the Lord. Be faithful to Him. You can do this!

Be encouraged, dear pastors. Be strong in the Lord. Be faithful to Him. You can do this!

Remember the words of your brother and fellow laborer Paul, who, after condemning false teachers in Galatians 1:6-9, may have anticipated the same backlash you might receive:

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Prophetic “word” at church… Study apps… Pastoral counsel… Can treason be forgiven?… Fiction vs. lies)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

I am writing to you today because the church we attend has started to allow a woman to speak a “word” over the congregation*.

After the third time, I approached the woman and asked if she thought she was a prophet. She did not deny it, but said that the Lord speaks to her directly through different ways. We went to our pastor who did not see a problem with what she was saying, but only that it was causing chaos during the service.

Last Sunday, our pastor allowed her to speak through the microphone stating that we need to let the Holy Spirit move in our midst.

My husband and I are very concerned and alarmed about this practice and we are unsure if we should leave the church over this and if we should approach our pastor with our concerns again. We have been attending this church for years and have never seen this happen until recently.

Honey, I know this is difficult and there are probably a lot of people you’re close to there, but this church has wandered off the reservation into New Apostolic Reformation land, and, yes, it’s time for you – and every other doctrinally sound Christian in it – to leave and find a real church. (Just to be clear, I would say the same thing if it were a man speaking these “words” over the congregation.)

Go to the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, and begin studying the materials under “What to look for in a church” as you’re utilizing the church search engines.

You’ll also want to examine the materials under “Leaving Your Current Church,” including The Mailbag: How to Leave a Church. Be sure you don’t leave without going to your pastor and explaining to him that you’re leaving because he’s allowing false doctrine into the church. (You can consider this “approaching our pastor with our concerns again”. If you want to approach him one additional time – like you did before – prior to this explanation of why you’re leaving, you can, but it’s unlikely to do any good.)

*If you’re unfamiliar with what this reader means by “speaking a ‘word'” over the congregation, it looks something like this (start around the 14:27 mark), only, typically, it’s not quite this nutty and with a little thicker biblical veneer. The “church” in the link is not the reader’s church, it’s just the first example that popped into my head today.

As I read my Bible sometimes I would like to know what a certain word means in the original text. Can you recommend a resource that would be helpful for that? Thank you so much for all you do to keep us grounded in His Truth!

You’re welcome! It is my pleasure to serve you in Christ, and it is always encouraging to hear from women who are good students of Scripture.

I use both Blue Letter Bible’s and Bible Hub’s interlinear features, and find both to be helpful. You can read more about them in my article My Favorite Bible & Study Apps (they both have a web version as well as an app).

What does one do if they have a serious spiritual question and well known and trusted Biblical pastors give the exact opposite answers from one another? I cannot find the specific answer in Scripture and I desperately need to know what to do. I have read where one advises one course of action and the other advises the opposite. I am praying and continuing to search. But I need help. Any advice you have would be very welcome.

It’s hard to know exactly how to answer this question since I don’t know the details (and I’m not asking for them – this seems private), but, generally speaking, my advice is always to go to your own pastor first for counsel, assuming you’re in a doctrinally sound church. If it’s the type of issue best addressed by another woman rather than your pastor, reach out to a godly, doctrinally sound, “Titus 2” sort of woman in your church so that she can disciple you through this.

If, for some reason, you absolutely can’t go to your pastor or a godly older woman in your church, as a last resort, you can locate a biblical counselor (not the same thing as a “Christian counselor/therapist/etc.” – see the Biblical Counseling Resources tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page) and set up an appointment.

If the reason you can’t go to your pastor or a godly older woman in your church is that you’re not currently in church, you need to remedy that immediately, and this situation is one of the main reasons why. (Go to the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page and start using the church search engines.)

When we go through crises and trials in life, God’s plan for us is to turn to our pastors and our church family, not to seek the generalized, one size fits all advice of celebrity pastors – even if they’re doctrinally sound.

Your own pastor and your brothers and sisters at your local church know you. They’re there for you, boots on the ground, to disciple you and help you walk through this situation over the long haul. A stranger on the internet or between the covers of a book can’t do that for you.

I urge you, turn to your church family.

Can God save someone convicted of treason by the government? Can they be forgiven and go to heaven?

Of course. God can and will save anyone who turns to Him in repentance over her sin and places her faith in the death burial and resurrection of Christ as payment and forgiveness for her sin. God doesn’t have a list of certain sins that He refuses to forgive*. I would encourage you to prayerfully study and consider the Scriptures and materials at the What must I do to be saved? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

*Readers, I know many of your minds immediately went here. Hope this resource is helpful.

Why should a woman or male read Fiction? Shouldn’t we read only and study only truth not fantasy? Jesus said “I am the truth”, Satan in the garden used fiction to challenge God’s authority and present a false truth to Eve, who was then deceived by her own desires gave Adam the forbidden fruit.

I think the struggle you’re having here is that you’re conflating fiction books, novels, and stories with lies and deception. They’re two different things, and they need to be kept in separate categories.

There’s nothing wrong with Goldilocks and the Three Bears or the John Grisham novel that’s sitting on my night stand. These are fiction – a creation of the author’s imagination. The authors aren’t trying to convince anyone that these stories are true. In fact, many novels carry a disclaimer stating that it is a work of fiction and that any resemblance the story or characters bear to real people or situations is purely coincidental. And no person of normal intelligence and wherewithal picks up a story or novel thinking it’s truth.

What Satan used in the Garden with Eve was not fiction. It was lies and deception. She thought he was telling her the truth. He was trying to make her believe he was telling the truth. See the difference? (Also, there’s no such thing as a “false truth”. A statement is either true or false. The words you’re looking for are “lies” and “deception”.)

And the Jesus who said, “I am the truth” in John 14:6? He told fictional stories throughout His ministry in order to teach and illustrate truth. We call them parables. And we know Jesus never lied or deceived anyone. That’s the best way we can tell the difference between lies and fiction. Lying is a sin. Fiction is not.

Now go and feel free to read that novel on your night stand.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Discernment

Throwback Thursday ~ Discernment: A Spiritual Battle, Not a Logical One

Michelle Lesley

Originally published May 11, 2018

The way people think, the way we react to environmental stimuli, the way we relate to one another, the way our backgrounds and experiences shape the way we view and interact with the world absolutely fascinates me. It’s probably what led me to pursue degrees in psychology and counseling as well as every sociology, anthropology, criminology, and every other social science -ology elective I could get my hands on when I was in college. What makes people tick? Why does the human mind perceive things the way it does? Why is it that two people can witness the exact same event and come away with two completely different interpretations of it?

Those human-centered constructs and sciences can be helpful when it comes to studying observable behavior, but that’s exactly where their helpfulness ends – at the line of observable human behavior. Statistical psychology can perform a longitudinal study on people who were abused as children and show us that those people are much more likely to become abusers themselves. But, try as they might, none of those -ologies can accurately explain why they don’t all turn out to be abusers, or why some become abusers and then, for no earthly reason, suddenly stop and are seemingly magically transformed into healthy parents or spouses.

It’s because all of the -ologies lack a major operating component in their schemata – the spiritual realm. They’re like a football team with an adequate defensive team but no offensive team. You can’t play the game of football that way, and you can’t begin to understand people without acknowledging and understanding the spiritual.

Humans are more than just brains transported around by a bag of bones and muscles. People have spirits, and there are only two kinds: a spirit that has been redeemed by the blood of Christ, or a spirit that is in rebellion against Christ. And even among those who have been redeemed, there’s a broad spectrum of maturity, both overall and in specific areas of sanctification. You can generalize someone as a “baby Christian” or a “mature Christian”, but even among mature Christians, you’ll find that Christian A isn’t as mature in trusting God as Christian B, that Christian B isn’t as mature in generosity as Christian C, that Christian C isn’t as mature in patience as Christian D, and so on.

People are wonderfully and weirdly spiritually complex and unique.

People are wonderfully and weirdly spiritually complex and unique.

As Christians, I think most of us realize all of this on some level. We know that the Bible says that when we’re born again, we become completely new creatures in Christ. Out with the old man, in with the new. It’s a redeemed spirit that causes us to do things – in varying levels of maturity – like: love Christ, hate our sin, enjoy worship, and weep over the lost. Conversely, not having a redeemed spirit will cause those things to be absent in someone’s life. The words, attitudes, and behaviors we see on the outside are driven by what’s on the inside – the state of our spirits. Or, as Jesus put it:

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

Luke 6:45

We know this in our heads – when we’re dealing with someone’s sinful or otherwise inappropriate or aberrant actions, the words and behavior we’re observing are an outflow of the person’s spiritual state.

Sometimes, it’s easy to apply that knowledge. You observe someone murdering someone else, and it seems pretty clear-cut to say that the murderer is almost certainly not a genuinely regenerated Christian. Which is why he’s murdering someone.

The waters get a bit murkier when it comes to discernment issues in the church and among professing Christians, but the same spiritual principle applies. We’re ultimately dealing with someone’s spiritual state, not their external behavior.

“I don’t understand why my friend can’t see that _____ is a false teacher!”, I frequently hear from frustrated Christians (and myself!). “I’ve shown her video evidence, print evidence, and audio evidence of this teacher twisting Scripture, teaching false doctrine, and blatantly sinning, and she dismisses it all, telling me I’m being hateful and legalistic or that what the teacher is saying and doing is no big deal!”

What we’re dealing with is a spiritual issue, not a logical one. No amount of biblical evidence in the world is going to convince your friend of false doctrine until the Holy Spirit opens her eyes to it.

That’s because what we’re dealing with is a spiritual issue, not a logical one. No amount of biblical evidence in the world is going to convince that friend of false doctrine until the Holy Spirit opens her eyes to it. My job is not to argue my friend into believing that Joel Osteen or Beth Moore or Benny Hinn or Christine Caine is a false teacher. My job is to lovingly present what Scripture says, demonstrate how the teacher is in conflict with it, leave it on the table, walk away, and continue to pray for my friend. My job is done. It is now the Holy Spirit’s job to open my friend’s eyes and change her heart.

My job is not to argue my friend into believing that Joel Osteen or Beth Moore is a false teacher. My job is to lovingly present what Scripture says. It is now the Holy Spirit’s job to open my friend’s eyes and change her heart.

Still not sure about all this? Let’s take a look at what Scripture has to say:

The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers…but you do not believe because you are not among my sheep. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. John 10:3b-5, 26-27

You really need to read all of John 9-10 to get the fullest picture of what’s going on here. Jesus has, once again, proved His divinity and Messiahship – this time, by healing a man who was born blind. That’s all the proof the formerly blind man needs. He is all in. “He said, ‘Lord, I believe,’ and he worshiped him.” (John 9:38) and that’s all she wrote.

The Pharisees, on the other hand, despite having just witnessed a miracle only God can do, and despite the very words coming out of the mouth of God Himself in 9:39-10:30 – overwhelming, irrefutable, biblical video and audio evidence, you might say – refuse to believe. Instead, they do the first century equivalent of calling Jesus a legalistic-Pharisee-hater: “Many of them said, ‘He has a demon, and is insane; why listen to him?’…The Jews picked up stones again to stone him.” (10:20,31)

Jesus gave them evidence. He gave them Scripture. And He did it perfectly because He was God. But they still chose to believe false doctrine over sound doctrine because they were not regenerate: Jesus answered them, “I told you, and you do not believe. The works that I do in my Father’s name bear witness about me, but you do not believe because you are not among my sheep.” (10:25-26)

Jesus gave them evidence. He gave them Scripture. And He did it perfectly because He was God. But they still chose to believe false doctrine over sound doctrine because they were not regenerate.

Sometimes that’s what’s going on, spiritually, with our friends who follow false teachers. Despite what they say, how many times they’ve walked the aisle, prayed a prayer, or been baptized, or how intense an encounter with the Lord they think they’ve had, they’ve never been genuinely saved.

Jesus definitively says that His sheep – genuinely regenerated Christians – know His voice. They either instinctively know, through the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit, when what they’re being taught is biblical (Jesus’ voice) and when it’s not (the voice of strangers), or they’re willing to learn as someone else teaches them God’s Word. Whether it’s an instant spiritual aversion to false teachers, or a gradual opening of their eyes through the teaching of Scripture, they will not follow the voice of strangers.

I can’t tell you how many women have told me (and I’ve personally experienced the same thing myself), “I was attending this women’s Bible study where they were using a book by _____. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but I knew something was wrong, so I stopped going. Later, as I learned more and matured in my faith, I realized I had felt uneasy because the author teaches false doctrine.”

If a friend is following the voice of strangers, it could be that she doesn’t know the voice of the Shepherd and needs you to share the gospel with her.

If a friend is following the voice of strangers, it could be that she doesn’t know the voice of the Shepherd and needs you to share the gospel with her.

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:24-26

The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. 1 Corinthians 2:14

People who aren’t saved, even if they appear to be and say that they are, aren’t going to “get it” when it comes to rejecting false teachers and false doctrine in favor of sound biblical doctrine. That’s something that only comes with a regenerated heart.

For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil. Hebrews 5:12-14

For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 3:6-7

Being unregenerate isn’t always the reason people follow false teachers. Sometimes the reason a friend follows a false teacher is that she has recently become a Christian, is immature in the faith, doesn’t know her Bible well, or is weak in the area of discernment.

When someone is genuinely saved, her life is on a trajectory toward holiness. But that doesn’t mean that God grows every aspect of her spiritual life at the same time or at the same rate. God may be growing your friend in kindness, or purity of speech, or self-control right now, and the “constant practice” of discernment might take a little longer, or not come as easily to her as it did to you. All Christians grow in the same direction, but we don’t all grow in the same time frame or in the same way. And that’s a good thing, because that way there’s always somebody strong to help me in my areas of weakness, and I can help others who are weak in the areas I’m strong in.

Something interesting I’ve discovered as I’ve studied and taught through the Old Testament books of Kings and Chronicles is a recurrence of some variation of this statement: “Nevertheless, the people still sacrificed at the high places, but only to the Lord their God.” (2 Chronicles 33:17)

Often, a righteous king came to power on the heels of an evil king. The evil king had introduced all sorts of idolatry into the nation, including building temples for idols and altars on the “high places” where the people sacrificed to false gods. As the righteous king settled into office and began painstakingly ridding the land of all the vestiges and accoutrements of idol worship, the people sometimes continued worshiping on the high places, but would worship God instead of idols. Was this pleasing to God? No. Not only was the place they were worshiping God defiled because it had been used for idol worship, but God had been very clear that the temple was the proper place for worship and sacrifice. However, the fact that the king had not yet been able to remove the high places did not make him an evil king or negate the fact that he was hard at work removing other, sometimes larger, icons of idol worship.

There are “high places” – areas of spiritual weakness – in all of our lives. I’ve got them, and you do too. Are they pleasing to God? No, and we should be working toward finding out what they are and tearing them down. But their existence doesn’t negate the fact that we love the Lord and are striving toward holiness, nor that God is hard at work conforming us to the image of Christ. Just because your friend’s “high place” is following a false teacher doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t love the Lord or that He isn’t at work in her life.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

We’re not at war with friends who follow false teachers, so we shouldn’t be fighting with them, trying to “win.” Our enemy is the Enemy – the one who holds lost sinners captive. The deceiver. The tempter. The father of lies.

The next time you get frustrated with a friend who’s following a false teacher…don’t.

Remember that this is a spiritual battle. Lovingly lay out biblical truth as long as she’ll let you. Then, stand down, keep praying, and trust the Holy Spirit to do His good work through His Word.

This is a spiritual battle. Lovingly lay out biblical truth, stand down, keep praying, and trust the Holy Spirit to do His good work through His Word.