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8 Ways to Pray for Your Pastor’s Wife
by Jennifer Buck
As a pastor’s wife, I have seen many lists of ways to “pray for your pastor.” I admit, I usually scroll through and delete them as I find most to be…well…generic.
Michelle, however, actually hit the pulse of what a pastor really needs in our prayers. I found myself reading and inwardly shouting, “YES! This is exactly what pastors need.”.
Then my mind began forming a list of what their wives need in our prayers—more than just physical strength and a good group of friends. Although those things are important, I believe these other areas, as they are cultivated in her life would result in physical endurance and draw women wanting friendships with her.
I don’t think a pastor’s wife should live or look differently than any other believer in Christ. However, I do think she’s in this sometimes awkward but wonderful position of having a pulse on the heart of the church her husband serves and is so heavily invested in.
She’s an insider, but not really; it’s complicated. She may know a lot of what’s happening, but may have no leadership position. Even if she does, she’s limited to the scope of the area of which she heads.
She is not a female version of her husband. She is usually looked to as an over all leader by the people, but has no authority to act independently as a decision maker. Therefore, it does take an extra measure of grace to be acutely aware of the inner workings of the church but often only able to watch, offer ideas or opinions when asked, or mostly, wait as the leaders/committees make the decisions that will shape the church.
With those things in mind, if I were asked what to pray for me or any pastor’s wife, this would be my list:
Pray she has a deep love for the people in her church. There is a special love that can be developed for the Lord’s church. She doesn’t have to intimately know each person to hold a deep and genuine concern for their well-being and spiritual development.
That she loves the Lord God with all her heart and soul and mind. Being in the ministry does not guarantee that a once teachable heart cannot grow cold. Her personal walk must not be neglected in the doing of ministry. She needs to operate with a steady and sound mind.
That she delights in caring for her family/home. Her husband’s role will by necessity make his presence in the home sometimes erratic as he cares for the church. She needs to be the steady presence in the home. Her attitude will help form the opinion of her children about the church and the demands on their father. She will also need to be able to alert her husband when the needs of the home are greater for a period of time. Sometimes in ministry, the church will need his attention more than home and at other times the family will need his attention more. A wise wife will help him see the greater needs and willingly allow him to be where he is needed the most.
Pray she is able to submit to the reality that her daily living will serve as a model for others. She will naturally be looked to as an example, and she needs to be willing to live a life that reflects well the work of Christ in her.
That she does not have a grudge-holding heart. Ministry can be hard. Sometimes hurtful things are said and done and a pastor’s wife will not endure well if she carries the offenses of her husband. She must be able to take her hurt to the Lord and be willing to remind her husband, when he forgets, to lay his grievances before the cross also.
She needs to be able to allow her husband time to grieve in situations she cannot help him through. Sometimes he carries a grief no one but the Lord can lighten. He must simply walk through it.
That she be less concerned about what others think of her and more concerned about pleasing the Lord. That will provide much protection for her heart.
That she learns contentment and finds comfort in the knowledge that her personal and family needs will be provided by the Lord – in his time. Pray she functions knowing, “When I need it, it will be provided, if I don’t have it, I don’t need it yet.”
This is by no means an exhaustive list, these are just some of the things I have had to walk through and learned how to process in my years as a pastor’s wife. I’ve seen many other wives do these things well and watched them flourish in home and church. Others have not fared so well and I have watched with sadness as their marriage and ministry either crumbled or lost all effectiveness.
There is no doubt that ministry has its hard moments, however, it is also an amazing journey to be a part of laboring alongside your husband and witnessing the transforming work of the Gospel. Praying for your pastor and his wife can be a way for the church family to participate in the continuation and transforming work of the Gospel in the hearts of those who lead them.
Jennifer and her husband, Tom have been married for 32 years and have 3 children. For the last 13 years they have been serving in Lindale TX, where Tom is Senior Pastor of First Baptist Church. Jennifer is one of the teachers in the church’s Women’s Bible Study Fellowship and leads a small group discipleship called Gracestoration. Jennifer loves to teach and encourage women in the truths of Scripture.