Category: Parenting

This seems to be a new mantra that has sprung up among parents and educators over the last few years. I’ve heard it many times– said with an almost religious fervor –as though a child who doesn’t read is in the same immediate danger as a child who doesn’t eat.

And whenever I hear this statement made with such intensity, I can’t help but think, “Anything to get the kids to read? Really? Anything?” Just how far are we willing to go for the sake of reading?

Most recently I heard this statement made in response to a topic on my local talk radio station. It seems a high school English teacher assigned his class a book to read that contained a significant amount of profanity. Parents complained. The principal intervened and the assignment was terminated. Many who disagreed with the principal’s decision repeated the litany, almost in unison: “Who cares if there’s profanity? The kids were reading.”

On another occasion, a Christian father and I were discussing the new movie and book, Twilight. He was planning to allow his “tween-ager” to see the movie in hopes that she would then read the books. He had made this decision, not because he thought the subject matter of the books or movie would be good for her (in fact, he indicated that he had decided to allow her to see it against his better judgment of the content), but because he wanted to do something that would get her to read more.

Now, granted, I haven’t read the book series or seen the movie, so my comment stems only from the several reviews and articles I’ve read about them, but has reading become so important even to Christian parents that they feel the need to OK a book/movie for their children that gives at least the appearance of nominal approval to vampirism?

Don’t get me wrong, I think reading is very important. I’m an avid reader, as are my children who are old enough to read independently. I guess I’m just a little perplexed that in a country with freedom of the press, where we have access to a bountiful supply of good books, both Christian and secular, that don’t contain questionable material, we are getting sucked into the mentality that the only way to get kids to read is to present them with books that contain and normalize profanity, occultism, gratuitous violence and gore, inappropriate and explicit sexuality, and any number of other things that we wouldn’t want them exposed to in real life. Why choose books like that when there are so many other better choices?

There are better ways to turn your kids into readers of good books:

• Start early- Read to your kids from the time they are infants. Make it a normal, habitual part of life. I used to read to my babies when I was nursing them. I just read aloud from whatever book or magazine I happened to be reading at the moment myself. (That was actually a lot more interesting than reading Green Eggs and Ham or Go Dogs, Go to them a zillion times a day!)

• Make it part of the daily routine- Just as you set aside time for brushing teeth, naps, daily devotions, homework, etc., set aside time every day to read to your children, or require your older children to spend a certain amount of time reading every day. One thing I have found that works well with my children is to occasionally allow them to stay up fifteen or twenty minutes past their bedtime, but only if they will use that time to read.

• Make reading something to look forward to– Several years ago, I began a practice of reading my older children a book series every summer. We started with the Little House on the Prairie books, then moved to the Narnia books and others. As we near the end of the school year each May, one of the things I have them do is start looking around the library and the internet for the book series they want us to read that summer. They look forward to this each year. Finding an appropriate author or a topic your children like and having them watch for the latest book to come out is another way to build excitement.

• Reward reading– Because I love to read so much, it is hard to for me to imagine anyone needing a reward for reading; it’s kind of a reward in itself! Some kids need a little more motivation, though. They might enjoy participating in reading contests such as Pizza Hut’s “Book It” program. Also, check out the programs at your local library. Our library sponsors a reading contest for both kids and adults every summer. It allows the reader to set a goal for the number of books he thinks he can read over the summer and then awards prizes for those who reach their goals. Or, if your kid is dying to see a movie that is based on a certain book, make seeing the movie a reward for reading the book.

• Set an example– Be a reader yourself. Find an interesting book and curl up on the couch with your kids while they read their books.

• Limit the electronic pacifiers– This is a good idea even if you’re not especially interested in getting your child to read more. Unlimited time in front of the TV, computer, gaming system, or hand-held video games is hazardous to your child’s intellectual health. Conversely, having your child read in order to earn “screen time” can be a good motivator.

As with everything else, it’s important to abide by Biblical principles when choosing reading materials for ourselves and our children. Reading is important, but not as important as filling our kids’ minds with Godliness.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8

10.
Thou shalt love.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. I John 4:11

Loving our children isn’t something that just happens. It also isn’t just a nice fuzzy feeling. It’s a duty. A responsibility. A command from the lips of God Himself.

“…if God SO loved us…” What does that “so” mean? It’s talking about the way God loves us.

By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:9-10

God loved us enough to do what was best for us even though it cost Him that which He held most dear. He loved us sacrificially and unselfishly.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Even when we were living in outright rebellion against Him and didn’t care that he wanted what was best for us, God loved us.

For whom the LORD loves He reproves; Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:12

God loves His children too much to allow us to continue in our sin, so He disciplines us.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us Ephesians 2:4
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

But, even as God disciplines us, in His mercy he forgives us when we repent of our sin.

The steps of a man are established by the LORD; And He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong; Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand. Psalm 37:23-24

God delights in our obedience to Him and our love for Him. And even when we fall, He’s right there holding our hand and helping us get back up.

He who has clean hands and a pure heart; Who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood; And has not sworn deceitfully. He shall receive a blessing from the LORD; And righteousness from the God of his salvation. Psalm 24:4-5

God rewards and blesses obedience to His word.

Do we love our children the way God loves us? Do we…

• love them sacrificially and unselfishly?
• love them enough to want what’s best for them?
• love them enough tofollow through and do what’s best for them even if they fight us every step of the way?
• love them enough to disicipline them?
• love them enough to forgive them?
• love them by delighting in them?
• love them by blessing and rewarding them for doing well?

It’s a huge challenge. Our kids are going to drive us up the wall, rebel, pout, whine, and at times, break our hearts. Just like we do to God. But if He so loved us, we ought also to love our children.

9.
Thou shalt be forgiving.

“bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” Colossians 3:13

Imagine a home where there was no forgiveness. Anger and bitterness would reign supreme. Old wounds would be nursed and rehearsed. Grudges would be held tightly as treasured friends. Is this kind of home healthy for anyone, let alone children? Is it Christlike?

Of course not. In our homes, the place where we are most inclined to let it all hang out, forgiveness is even more vital than in any other venue. If you have a husband and/or children, you know that the people who live in your house are going to mess up. Royally, at times. And guess what? So are you.

How will you want to be treated when you mess up? I’m guessing that while you’ll understand your family will be disappointed in you, you’ll still want them to find it in their hearts to forgive you once they work through that disappointment. In obedience to the “Golden Rule” (Luke 6:31), therefore, you’ve got to extend forgiveness when your husband or children offend you.

When we forgive each other, we paint a picture of God’s forgiveness. Just as God does not condone our sin when He forgives us, the forgiveness we extend on the human level does not mean that the offender’s actions were OK. It is merely a way of saying, “I’m going to let this go instead of continually holding it against you.”

God deeply values forgiveness. It is the entire reason He sent His Son, Jesus, to earth and allowed Him to be brutalized to death. Jesus endured all that pain and degradation so that each of us could be forgiven for offending God. And, if God could go through all of that to forgive us, how could we – out of love for Him – ever refuse to forgive our loved ones?

8.
Thou shalt set a good example for thy children
by thine own Godly behavior.

“…walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,” Ephesians 4:1-2

Do what I say, not what I do.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Actions speak louder than words.

Practice what you preach.

Which of those maxims seem to ring true when it comes to parenting? For years, every childrearing expert who has come along has reminded us that modeling the behavior we want our kids to exhibit is one of the most effective ways of shaping them. Of course, if you’re a mom of a child who is old enough to walk and talk, you already know that modeling works, because, for better or for worse, you’ve already heard your own words fly out of your child’s mouth or seen him imitate you at some point!

Your kids will imitate you. My kids will imitate me. How do we use that knowledge to pour godliness into them? The Bible tells us that we are to be imitators of Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1; Ephesians 5:1-2). We need to strive for godliness in our own lives until we can say to our kids, as Paul said to the Corinthians, “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.”

They need to see us studying our Bibles and spending time in prayer. They need to see us resist temptation. They need to see us set aside our own desires in favor of serving others. They need to see us exhibit love, humility, kindness, patience, forgiveness and mercy. They need to hear us building others up instead of criticizing and gossiping. They need to see us work through problems with our husbands, families and friends in a godly way. They need to see us admit when we’re wrong and seek forgiveness.

So, in the spirit of that old children’s song:

Oh, be careful Mommy’s mouth what you say
And be careful Mommy’s feet where you go
And be careful Mommy’s hands what you do

Not only is “the Father up above…looking down in love,” but our little ones are looking up at us too.