Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er, kinda? sometimes?) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.
I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
I looked for an article on your blog about vision boards, but didn’t see one. What’s wrong with a vision board? Do you dislike them in all instances or simply in certain applications?
I hope you don’t mind, but let’s reframe the question just a tad. I totally understand what you mean, I’d just like to clarify for everyone that it’s irrelevant whether I “like” or “dislike” something. My personal, subjective opinions don’t matter one bit (and neither do anyone else’s). What matters is what God says in His written Word about things like this. So let’s use the question, “What does God tell us in His written Word about vision boards?”.
The way vision boards are typically used in both the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR), the New Age, and non-Christian circles is to figure out all your goals and dreams, put pictures of them on a board, hang the board where you can see it often, and focus on those pictures/goals/dreams in order to “manifest” them. Nowhere in Scripture does God instruct us to do anything of the sort. It’s idolatry, usually based in coveteousness, and a form of witchcraft.
How so? A vision board redirects your heart toward idolizing an object or a goal you want and away from being completely submitted to and content with what God wants. Ephesians 5 says:
walk as children of light (for the fruit of that light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:8b-10
The entire posture of the Christians life can be summed up in Jesus’ brief prayer in Gethsemane: “Not my will, but Yours be done.”. We’re not to get up every day, look at a picture of a house, or a job, or a degree we want and make that the motivating force for everything we do that day in order to obtain that thing.
We’re to get up every day, look to Christ in His Word and in prayer, “try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord,” and make that the motivating force for everything we do that day. Scripture doesn’t teach us to live our lives for a temporal goal or material possessions. Scripture teaches us to live our lives dying to self and obeying Christ. That’s the goal we live for.
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Matthew 6:19-21
God’s way is not for us to attempt to “manifest” things on our own by visualizing them and speaking incantations to try to take them by force from God’s hand, but to bring everything to Him in prayer, be obedient to His Word, submit to Him, and trust Him to bring the opportunities and situations our way that He thinks are best for us and our sanctification.
Additional Resources:
What does the Bible say about vision boards? at Bible Hub
What are vision boards, and are they biblical? at Got Questions
Vision Boards by Doreen Virtue
My daughter is 14 and has a friend group of about twelve friends. Two identify as bisexual, one identifies as gay, and another as transgender. Any suggestions for navigating this season with her? I’m struggling with it, she is not.
Oh dear. I’d be struggling with it, too. I’ve take a moment to pray for you and your daughter, and I’d like to ask my readers to pause here and pray for both of you, too.
I’m assuming “friend group” means a group of friends your daughter is close to and spends a lot of time with. In other words, not acquaintances she sees occasionally and might exchange a few pleasantries with every now and then. If so, you’re right to be concerned. Scripture tells us:
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has a sanctuary of God with idols?
2 Corinthians 6:14-16a, 1 Corinthians 15:33, Proverbs 13:20
Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
He who walks with the wise will be wise, But the friend of fools will suffer harm.
And real world experience backs up the Bible. Even non-Christian experts who study such things tell us that sexual immoralities such as bisexuality, homosexuality, and transsexuality, have spread among teenagers largely via social media and their friends. It’s just the latest iteration of fads like ripped jeans and wearing your hat backwards, only with farther reaching and much more devastating consequences.
I’m a little in the dark about your family dynamics. I don’t know whether or not you’re married, and, if so, whether or not your husband is your daughter’s father, and whether or not he’s a Believer. I also don’t know whether or not your daughter claims to be a Believer. I’m assuming you’re a Believer since you reached out to me.
All of those things will impact the situation, but, ideally, you and your husband / your daughter’s father, who is a Believer, will sit down together, talk the situation through, and then present a united front when the three of you sit down, discuss this, and he informs your daughter that she will no longer spend time with these friends.
It doesn’t matter that she wants to. It doesn’t matter how many “good reasons” she has for spending time with them or how much she assures you that she won’t be swayed from a biblical sexual ethic. You are the parents. She is the child. You are older and wiser than she is, and you can see the dangers in this situation that she can’t see.
If your daughter claims to be a Christian, I would suggest appealing first to the fact that, over and above your rules as parents, she is supposed to be obeying Scripture. And as the three Scriptures I’ve cited above demonstrate, we are not to be entangled in intimate relationships with unbelievers.
If she’s not convinced and not motivated by obedience to Christ to extricate herself from these friendships on her own, you and your husband will need to take the reins and explain to her that because you love Christ and want to obey His Word, and because you love her, you will no longer allow her to maintain these friendships: no spending time with these people, no texting, calling, emailing, or social media communication with them, etc.
Whatever you do, stand firm. Do not cave to her whining, crying, anger, or histrionics. Inform her of the consequences of disobeying you by contacting members of this friend group, and, if she disobeys, follow through. Be consistent.
And you’ll want to remind her of Ephesians 6:1:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Ephesians 6:1
You said your daughter is “not struggling with” spending time with this friend group. I’m not sure whether this means that your daughter is a sweet, young, somewhat naive, genuine Christian who thinks being friends with these people will draw them to Christ, or whether it means the opposite: that she’s not “unequally yoking” with them, she’s equally yoking with them because she is -as they are- not truly saved.
If that’s the case, she needs the gospel. Don’t beat her over the head with it every five minutes, but pray fervently for her salvation, and ask the Lord to give you wisdom and natural opportunities to discuss it with her.
If you and your husband are not already faithful, invested members of a doctrinally sound local church, that’s something you need to begin working toward immediately, and your daughter needs to faithfully attend with you and be involved as well. She needs to be removed from the pagan environment she’s chosen and redirected into the godly environment she needs.
I would also encourage you to set up an appointment with your pastor for counsel about all of this. Perhaps he can suggest a godly older woman to disciple you through this situation, or an older couple who can counsel you and your husband.
With the Lord’s help, you can handle this in obedience to Him. Ask Him to give you strength and wisdom, and trust Him to guide you through this trial.
I wanted to start sharing the gospel in live videos on Facebook. Would doing this live fit the definition of preaching to men even if you state it’s for women or would it be best to create a private group for women only? I’ve received conflicting opinions on this before. Thank you.
I’m so glad you’re thinking about this and desiring to come to a biblical conclusion! That’s so encouraging!
There are two things to take into consideration here, a) what Scripture actually states, and b) conscience, wisdom, and appearance.
Scripture does not prohibit women from sharing the gospel with others, even men. In fact, all Christians are commanded to share the gospel in the Great Commission (also click here and see #11).
Unfortunately, these days many professing Christians conflate evangelism with pastoring and preaching. Evangelism is sharing the gospel with lost people outside the church, which all Christians are commanded to do. Pastoring and preaching is biblical instruction to saved people inside the church, which God has restricted to biblically qualified men. Evangelism and pastoring/preaching are two completely different, separate things. We have to keep our biblical categories straight.
You’ll want to avoid using a tone and demeanor that look and sound like a pastor delivering a sermon, and you shouldn’t say things that sound like you’re lecturing men in particular about their failures or how they could be better husbands, fathers, or pastors, or things like that, but simply explaining how to be saved, in a conversational tone, to a general audience of whichever random people happen to click on your video is not biblically problematic. I wrote all of the material at the What Must I Do to Be Saved? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page, and I share it around all the time on social media. It’s no different than sharing a tract or a website or video that shares the gospel.
Now, on the conscience, wisdom, and appearance side of things, if you feel uneasy that, for example, some of your Facebook friends go to “churches” with women “pastors” and you’re concerned they would think that’s what you’re doing (which is a distinct possibility), or if you would feel uncomfortable with your live videos being available to men, or whatever the case may be, then by all means, put up some biblical fences. Go ahead and create a private group if you want. Or, start each video with a statement or graphic that says this content is addressed to women (and re-assert that during the video with your language… “Ladies, I want you to know…” “Sisters, let’s pray…” etc.). Or maybe you present it on your regular Facebook page, and your husband (if you’re married) or another godly man or two in your life would agree to to be “on call” in the comments during the live, and if they see a man asking questions, they could dialog back and forth with him.
Thank you so much for being faithful to share the gospel!❤️
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
