Category: Sanctification

Sanctification

The Christian Introvert: Putting Off Social Anxiety, Putting On Serving Others

Michelle Lesley

A lot of people don’t believe me when I tell them this, but I’m kind of an introvert. On Sundays, after Sunday School, church, then Sunday dinner with my extended family, I usually go home and get straight in the bed for some quiet time and a nap, often with muscles aching from stress. I love my church, my family, and spending time with people, but for some reason, social interaction can be a bit draining for me after several hours.

And interacting with people I don’t know very well? Don’t get me started on all the different levels of anxiety that, for me, go hand-in-hand with introversion. My gut-level reaction to walking into a room full of strangers is to turn around and run as far away as possible.

But all of this sort of thinking is very self-centered. When I entertain those anxious thoughts and feelings, I’m focusing on me. My fear of man. My worries about what others will think of me. My discomfort and desire to be somewhere else. Me. Me. Me.

So how do we handle introversion and/or social anxiety in a godly way? Ephesians 4:21-24 gets right to the point:

assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

We’re to put off our old, corrupt self, renew our minds, and put on the new, godly self.

First, we “put off”, or stop giving in, to those feelings, thoughts, and behaviors of anxiety:

“There are plenty of people talking to that person who’s visiting our church this morning. She doesn’t need to meet me. I’ll pass.”

“I need to go to that meeting, but I really don’t want to, so I’m going to stay home.”

“Nobody at this fellowship would be interested in talking to me, so I’ll hang out in the kitchen and ‘help’.”

Next, we “renew our minds” with what Scripture says about how we’re to regard ourselves and how we’re to regard others.

Giving in to me-centered fears and anxieties is the exact opposite of God’s instruction to Christians. We are to be about the business of putting others first. Dying to self. Serving others. Encouraging others. Loving and focusing on others with the intensity of the love and focus we lavish on ourselves. Philippians 2:3-4 puts it this way:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests,
but also to the interests of others.

Notice that, while the world’s solution to introversion would be that you need to improve your self-esteem, and think better – and more – about yourself…

…that’s not the Bible’s solution. The Bible instructs us to be humble, stop the navel-gazing, take the focus off ourselves, and put the focus on loving and serving others.

Putting off and renewing our minds is where a lot of us stop when we’re dealing with sinful thoughts and behaviors. But if you’ve ever stopped there, you’ve probably gotten stuck and frustrated in the sanctification issue you’re dealing with. That’s because a vacuum demands to be filled. When you take something away, you have to replace it with something else, or you’re just going to go back to your old ways again.

That’s where putting on “the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” comes in. What, exactly, does that mean? Let’s break it down a little bit.

🆕Since we’re new creatures in Christ, we don’t wallow in the old self, we put on the new self. Whereas our old nature was about pleasing ourselves, our new nature desires to please, obey, and imitate Christ.

🆕To understand what it means to be created after the likeness of God, think about what God is like. Does God fearfully hide Himself away from people? Does He avoid interacting with us? Quite the opposite! God “put Himself out there” to the extent that He became flesh and dwelt among us. He tells us we are welcome to confidently approach His throne and talk to Him non-stop. 

🆕To walk in true righteousness and holiness is to imitate Christ. It’s to put shoes on being “created after the likeness of God”. How can I walk in the same way in which He walked in this situation? How can I best obey Christ’s commands? How can I die to self in order to live to Him?

Putting on the new self is proactively looking for ways to carry out the “do’s” of the Bible in place of the “don’ts”. To act instead of react. To seek opportunities to do the opposite of what the old self would do.

What are some practical ways to die to self, and to love, focus on, encourage, and serve others as an introvert?

Go. The first step, and sometimes the hardest one, is just showing up. Obviously, you don’t have to go to every social event, meeting, or activity in existence. You know the ones you need to go to. Make yourself go. Simply seeing your smiling face in the room might be an encouragement to someone else who struggles with social anxiety. And your presence sends the message to the host that you care enough about her and the activity to attend. That means a lot to people.

Smile and say hello. Small talk. Ugh. If you’re an introvert, it’s probably near the top of your list of anxiety-producers. Do it anyway. If it’s extremely difficult for you, before you arrive, set a goal of a minimum number of people to greet, shake hands with, and exchange a few pleasantries with. Can’t think of anything clever to say? “It’s nice to see you,” or a simple, genuine compliment like, “You look great,” or “I love those earrings,” makes people feel valued and worthwhile.

Help out. As long as you’re not using helping out as a way to hide out or avoid people, channeling that nervous energy into an activity can work wonders to get your mind off yourself and your fear, give you a topic of conversation with others who are helping (“Wow, I didn’t know our church had this many folding chairs!” “I think we need more cups at the beverage table.”), and tangibly serve people.

Listen. When I was working on my master’s degree in family counseling, I learned an extremely important skill. Listening – really listening. In a counseling situation, you can’t let your mind just drift off. You have to be laser focused on what the client is saying, paying attention to every word. Occasionally, you encapsulate in your own words what she has said and reflect it back to her, or ask an open-ended question that will lead her to expand on a particular aspect of what she has been telling you.

For therapists, this is called “active listening” or “reflective listening”. In Christianity, I would call it “compassionate listening” instead, because this same kind of listening is a way to show Christlike compassion and concern for others. You’re not listening because you’re getting paid for it, you’re listening because you care. The more I compassionately listen to others, the more I realize how much of a need for it there is.

We live in a noisy, fast-paced, sound bite, 280 character world. People have a need to be heard. Angry people ultimately scream, not about an issue, but out of a need for someone to take the time to listen. Lonely people need to know someone cares about them.

There aren’t many people in the world who take the time to sit down with someone, show an interest in what she’s saying, and let her take the time to express herself completely. When you do that for someone, you are serving her by giving her a rare and precious gift. Maybe one that she’s never received before. When you sacrifice your time to pay attention to someone, she might be doing most of the talking, but she’s hearing something important, too. She’s hearing, “I love and care about you,” “You matter to me because you matter to Christ,” “You are valuable in God’s eyes and in mine.” How can we withhold that kind of kindness and compassion from someone just to give in to our fears and make ourselves more comfortable?

Pray and check in. As you’re compassionately listening to someone, make a mental note of something you could pray for her about. Make that part of your prayer time until you see her again. The next time you cross paths (or if it’s going to be a long time, call or text her after a few days), let her know you’ve been praying for her and ask her how that situation is going (and listen compassionately as she tells you!). Think about how much it would mean to you for a sister in Christ to listen to you, remember what you said, take the time to pray about it, and then ask you how things were going. That’s how much it would mean to her.

It can be easy to give in to social anxiety and introversion, avoiding people and situations that make us uncomfortable. But Christ doesn’t call us to do only the things that are easy. He set the example for us of doing what’s godly even when it’s difficult. Obeying Christ when it’s hard helps us to grow in spiritual maturity, and gives us opportunities to serve others. And isn’t that really what following Him is all about?

Additional Resources:

Just Stop It: How to Repent of ____ A Multi-part “Put off/Renew/Put on” series by Clint Archer at The Cripplegate

Do you tend toward introversion or social anxiety?
What are some practical ways you’ve found for “putting off”
those things and “putting on” serving others instead?

Christian women, Sanctification

Safe Spaces and Wearing Our Hearts on Our Sleeves: 6 Ways to Follow Jesus’ Example of Handling Hurt

Michelle Lesley

Political correctness.

Safe spaces.

Trigger warnings.

Microaggressions.

You can hardly say the sky is blue or water is wet these days without offending somebody. It shouldn’t be surprising to us that when self reigns on the throne of a person’s heart, she will bow down and serve the king of personal feelings. And as a loyal subject, she will fight to the death any perceived threat to that ruling authority. It is normal for unsaved people to live their lives with their feelings leading them around by the nose.

It is not normal for Christians to live that way. And it concerns me that I’m seeing more and more Christian women who allow themselves to be controlled by their feelings rather than being controlled by Christ.

(I’m about to step on some toes, here, so if you’re offended {maybe especially if you’re offended} by what follows, hang in there with me until we get past the hurt feelings and arrive at God’s Word, or you’re actually going to be proving my point.)

❤ Last May, the day before Mother’s Day, I was sort of mindlessly flipping through my Facebook and Twitter feeds, when something caught my notice. Tweet after tweet, status after status, article after article about Mother’s Day. But the vast majority of those posts were not honoring and encouraging women who are mothers, which is the whole point of Mother’s Day. They were focused on women for whom Mother’s Day is painful. Women who are infertile. Single women who haven’t had children. Women who have lost children in miscarriage or other tragedies. People whose mothers have died. Mothers whose children are estranged.

❤ As April Fool’s Day approached this year, I began noticing admonishments not to say, “I’m pregnant,” as an April Fool’s joke on social media in order to protect the feelings of women struggling with infertility or have miscarried.

❤ I have heard from dozens of women who refuse to obey God’s command to join with a doctrinally sound local church – even though they’re physically and logistically able to – because they have been hurt by a previous church.

❤ Christian women who follow false teachers commonly lash out in anger – often displaying the opposite of every one of the fruits of the Spirit – when presented with incontrovertible biblical evidence that the teacher is promoting false doctrine.

❤ And have you seen the fracas over racism in evangelicalism lately? Ungodly statements and accusations are flying from both sides of the aisle because, feelings: feelings of being owed something, fear of man feelings of not wanting to appear racist, feelings of retribution, feelings of pride and self-righteousness.

Life circumstances and other people genuinely and validly hurt us sometimes. No sane person would deny that, and certainly no Christian with a modicum of Christlike compassion would deny it. I’ve been on the receiving end of some of the painful situations I mentioned above. Pain – deep, agonizing, and often undeserved pain – goes with the territory of being human. None of us are immune.

And, if you’re a Christian, you worship a Savior who more than understands what it’s like to be hurt – not just the physical torture of flogging and crucifixion, but the emotional pain during his life of being “despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief”. Jesus experienced far more misery than you or I ever will, and yet, He handled it in a way that brought honor and glory to God. As His disciples, we are called to follow His example when it comes to our own pain.

Jesus didn’t allow His pain to reign

During His lifetime on earth, Jesus’ own brothers and sisters didn’t believe in Him. The leaders and members of His “church” abused, slandered, and falsely accused Him. His community eventually wanted Him dead.

Jesus could have allowed this grief to stay at the forefront of His heart and mind, governing His thoughts and reactions towards others and towards life in general. But He didn’t. He chose to deal with His pain in a godly way, refusing to allow it to control Him, paralyze Him, or deter Him from His mission, but putting it in its proper perspective. Pain is not paramount – holiness is. Jesus didn’t allow His pain to reign – He determined that His heart and mind would be led by holy thoughts and actions.

Jesus didn’t expect people to accommodate His feelings

Can you imagine Jesus demanding a safe space or that people refrain from posting certain things on social media in order to protect His feelings? Neither can I. It must have been monumentally difficult to endure the insults and mockery that constantly came His way, especially when He had the power (and the right) to shut those people up so He wouldn’t have to deal with all of that. Instead, Jesus accepted that hurtful people and circumstances are part of life and He proactively chose to respond to those people and circumstances in a godly way – setting an example for us in the process.

Jesus forgave

Not just one person, one time, or one situation. Seventy times seven. Even if the person didn’t ask for forgiveness. Even if the person innocently stuck his foot in his mouth. Not once do we see Jesus harboring bitterness in His heart or holding a grudge against someone who hurt Him personally, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Jesus forgave and moved on with His life and ministry.

Jesus was content

Sometimes, it’s not a person who hurts us, but the circumstances God has sovereignly brought or allowed into our lives. Did you catch that? Anything that’s going on in your life is only going on because God is permitting it or causing it. From infertility to medical conditions to racism to the consequences of sin, God is in charge of what happens to you, and He uses these painful situations to teach you obedience, cause you to depend on and trust in Him, and conform you to the image of Christ.

“Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head,” Jesus said. Jesus was homeless, poor, unmarried, and childless, yet never once do we see Him complain about any of these circumstances. He accepted the station in life to which God had assigned Him and was content with His lot, making the most of His situation to the glory of God. We can follow Jesus in that godly mindset, realizing that “godliness with contentment is great gain” and that the Holy Spirit can empower us to find ways to be content no matter our situation.

Jesus didn’t retaliate or sin when His feelings were hurt

If our response to a hurtful person or situation is to take vengeance, lash out in anger, or wallow in self-pity, we aren’t acting the way Jesus did. He never retaliated against those who hurt him, failed to exercise self-control in responding to unkind people, or felt sorry for Himself as a result of his situation. Jesus always perfectly showcased the Fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Jesus focused on others, not Himself

Did Jesus stay home from the wedding at Cana because He couldn’t deal with the fact that someone else was getting married and He wasn’t? Was He overcome by hurt and jealousy when people brought their children to Him because He longed to experience the joys unique to fatherhood? No. He made sure the happy couple’s big day was even better by celebrating with them and giving them an awesome gift. He embraced and blessed other people’s children, pouring out His love upon them.

It is absolutely and inarguably incumbent upon us as compassionate, caring, kind, and merciful followers of Christ to weep with those who weep in the midst of suffering. We follow in Jesus’ footsteps by comforting others with the comfort He has shown us. We do our best to be sensitive to the hurts of others and not cause additional or unnecessary pain. We lift up the fallen and strengthen the knees that are weak, just like Jesus did.

But God also requires us to draw upon His strength, look past our own pain, and rejoice with those who rejoice. Just as it is good and right to comfort a friend who’s infertile or grieve with parents who have miscarried, it is also good and right for that friend and those parents to rejoice on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day with those whom God has chosen to bless with children, or to celebrate with loved ones who have just announced a pregnancy. We take the focus off ourselves and put it on others, just like Jesus did.

 

Life hurts sometimes. And it’s OK to feel that pain. To grieve over loss. To mourn over suffering. But we cannot let those feelings be the boss of how we act and think. If we are to follow Christ, we must ask Him to help us follow His example of dealing with our raw and tender feelings: not expecting people to tiptoe around us, not allowing bitterness or unforgiveness to take over our hearts, not allowing our pain to reign and cause us to sin. We follow Christ’s example by taking up our cross daily, following Him, serving others, and living to the full the lives God has ordained for us. Whether it’s easy or it’s hard. Whether we’re joyful or sorrowful. Whether we feel like it or not.

Sanctification, Sin

6 Reasons to Recapture Righteous Anger

Michelle Lesley

Do you ever get the sense that anger is a problem in the church these days? It’s more apparent if you’re on social media, but even if you’re not you’ve probably seen Christians acting in anger in your church and Christian groups you belong to. Maybe even among your Christian family and friends.

In the evangelical social construct today’s Christian women have built and immersed themselves in where “being nice” is the highest attribute we can attain to, anger – any anger whatsoever – is usually seen as sin. The antipode of the sweet, effervescent, always-positive, don’t-rock-the-boat church ladies we’re “supposed” to be.

In the evangelical social construct today’s Christian women have built and immersed themselves in where “being nice” is the highest attribute we can attain to, anger – any anger whatsoever – is usually seen as sin.

Time to pick up the biggest rocks we can find and smash that pretty pink stained glass window, ladies.

The problem with anger in the church is not anger itself, but that Christians get angry about the wrong things instead of the right things, and act on that anger – sometimes even anger over the right things – in the wrong way. There are many things Christians should be angry about. Indeed, if Christians got angry about the things we’re supposed to get angry about and acted on that anger in a biblical way, the church would be better – and more Christlike – for it. But what are the right and godly reasons for getting angry and acting on that anger?

If Christians got angry about the things we’re supposed to get angry about and acted on that anger in a biblical way, the church would be better – and more Christlike – for it.

1.
Anger Is an Attribute of God

No character trait God exhibits can ever be considered intrinsically sinful because God is holy and perfect. God displays anger numerous times in the Bible, yet we know God is without sin. Therefore, we know that the emotion of anger itself is not a sin. It can’t be, or that would make God a sinner, and, by definition, not God. God’s anger demonstrates for us that there are times and situations in which anger is holy and good, and that there are godly ways to act on that anger.

God’s anger demonstrates for us that there are times and situations in which anger is holy and good, and that there are godly ways to act on that anger.

2.
Imago Dei

People are made in the image of God. The creation reflects – albeit dimly and sinfully – the Creator. No one has to teach us how to feel anger or love or justice or desire. Those things are just there, hard wired into us from the womb simply because we’re image bearers. Our sin nature is where the train jumps the tracks with those attributes, because sin causes us to apply those attributes to the wrong objects (loving an idol, desiring someone else’s spouse) and to express those attributes in wrong ways (vengeance, abuse).

3.
Multi-Tasking Attributes

God is simultaneously perfect in love, power, wrath, kindness, compassion, anger, justice, mercy, grace, patience, and all His other attributes. When we see Him pouring out His wrath, that doesn’t mean His attributes of love and compassion have disappeared. When God executes judgment, that doesn’t mean He has ceased to be a merciful and patient God. All of God’s attributes are 100% present and potent all of the time. And – though filtered through our sinful flesh – the same is true for Christians. Expressing anger over the right things in a godly way does not cancel out the fact that you’re also loving, kind, patient, peaceful, or joyful. God created us to reflect His nature by simultaneously exhibiting His attributes in a godly way.

God created us to reflect His nature by simultaneously exhibiting His attributes in a godly way.

4.
Symbiotic Anger

How can we know whether we’re getting angry over the right things or the wrong things? It is right and good to be angry over the things that anger God – idolatry, the defaming of His name, false doctrine, sin in the church, people who harm or take advantage of the innocent and vulnerable, dishonesty, cruelty, deception, the failure to do what is right – first and foremost when we see these sins in our own hearts and lives, but also against others who perpetrate these sins. But we may not be angry for sinful reasons such as pride, selfishness, impatience, self-righteousness, inflexibility, greed, hate, bigotry, lust, and personal preferences. What the Bible shows God getting angry about we should be angry about, too.

What the Bible shows God getting angry about we should be angry about, too.

5.
Anger Versus Sadness

A few months ago on social media, I mentioned an incident in which a male member of a certain church sinfully took advantage of several female members of that church. Without exception, every Christian woman (and many of the men) who commented on the incident made the statement (or some variation of it), “That’s so sad.” There are many aspects of a sinful situation over which it’s appropriate to feel sad. It was right to feel sad for this man’s completely innocent wife and children, as well as his victims and the church, who all suffered as a result of his sin. Jesus wept over the effect sin had on His beloved Jerusalem and the rift that sin created between God’s people and Himself. But, interestingly, both Matthew and Luke show us an instance of Jesus’ sorrow over sin immediately preceding or followed by an instance of Jesus’ anger over sin. It’s fine to feel sad for the people who innocently suffer as a result of someone else’s sin. It’s godly to grieve over the general effects and ultimate consequences of sin. But don’t stop there. We should also be angry at sin and at those who blaspheme the name of God and harm others by committing sin. The biblical instances of God being angry over sin and those who perpetrate it far outnumber the instances of God grieving over the effects of sin. Sadness is good, but it shouldn’t replace godly anger toward sin.

Sadness over sin is good, but it shouldn’t replace godly anger toward sin.

6.
Harness the Wild Stallion

Up until now, we’ve mostly been looking at the emotion of anger, but the emotion of anger usually leads to action. The fact that the emotion usually leads to action doesn’t mean the emotion always should lead to action. Sometimes it shouldn’t lead to action at all. Sometimes it shouldn’t lead to action right away. Sometimes it shouldn’t lead to action from you, but from a more appropriate person.

But most of the time, if you’re experiencing righteous anger over the right things, that godly anger should motivate you to take godly action using godly methods. And one of those godly methods is understanding the difference between letting the wild stallion of anger tear madly around the corral and putting a bit and bridle in its mouth to harness and guide all of that energy into plowing a field or pulling a wagon. Venting your anger to a friend might make you feel better temporarily, but it does nothing to fix the problems created by the sin you’re angry about. Harness your anger with the fruit of the Spirit and use that anger as a tool to energize and motivate you to help the victims of sin, call the sinner to repentance, set up a plan to prevent this sin from happening again, and repair the damage done by sin.

How often do you become righteously angry over sin? When you hear a false teacher twist God’s Word, do you blow it off as no big deal? Does it faze you at all when church members refuse to submit to your pastor’s biblical leadership? Do you lend an ear when your best friend verbally eviscerates her godly husband to you?

Ladies, there are things WORTH getting angry about. Righteous anger is not a bad, unloving, or unladylike thing.

Ladies, there are things worth getting angry about. Righteous anger is not a bad, unloving, or unladylike thing. If someone intentionally hurt your child, you would come unglued because you love him so much. What does it say about our love for the Lord when we defend people who mock Him, give the benefit of the doubt to those who defame Him, or yawn apathetically when people rebel against Christ and His Word? When someone blasphemes the name of the holy God of the universe, the Savior who willingly endured the cross for your sin, why wouldn’t you get angry about that? When someone attacks, betrays, or perpetrates evil upon a fellow image bearer – especially if that person is a brother or sister in Christ – you are right to be angry at both the sin and the sinner.

Anger over sin and evil is good and holy. God exhibits anger over sin and evil, and we, as His image bearers, should share His indignation. When Christians are angry over the right things and use that anger to fuel a godly response to sin it makes the church more biblically healthy and grows it to greater Christlikeness.

When Christians are angry over the right things and use that anger to fuel a godly response to sin it makes the church more biblically healthy and grows it to greater Christlikeness.

Sanctification

Watch Your Language! 10 Christian Terms that Need to be Cleaned Up

Michelle Lesley

What would you think of a surgeon who forgot to take his scalpel to work one day and decided his pocketknife would be an adequate substitute? Or a chef who ran out of vanilla and figured peppermint extract would work just fine in its place? At the very least, you’d probably think he was being a little sloppy and careless – not putting enough thought into his work. At worst, he could injure, sicken, or kill somebody.

When it comes to our Christian vernacular, we need to make sure we’re using the right word for the right task. “Well, she knows what I meant,” doesn’t cut it these days, as anyone on social media can attest. Sometimes, even as perfectly doctrinally sound Christians, we get a little sloppy with our phraseology, which can, at best, confuse people, and, at worst, defame God. We need to proactively think about the meanings of the words we use and be careful to say what we mean and mean what we say.

Let’s watch our language on these ten terms and phrases and determine to use more precise, God-exalting vocabulary instead:

1. Let or allow God to…
When the doctrinally sound Christians I know say they need to “let” or “allow” God to do something in their lives, they don’t mean: “I’m in charge here, and I call the shots. God can only do what I, as the boss, deign to permit Him to do.” What they mean is, “I need to stop doing things that are displeasing to God and obey His Word because He wants to grow me to greater Christlikeness.” Unfortunately, one of the tenets of Word of Faith and New Apostolic Reformation false doctrine is that Christians are the ones in authority and that God can only do what we allow Him to do. That’s blasphemy, and not something we even want to hint at with careless wording. We need to make sure our words communicate that God is in charge and we are His humble servants.

More God-exalting: “I need to submit to God’s will.” “I need to make sure I’m not standing in opposition to God’s work in my life.”

2. Accept Jesus or make Jesus Savior/Lord of your life
Again, “accept” and “make” put us in the driver’s seat and leave Jesus a puppet who moves at our whim. Jesus is King. We do not accept Him, He graciously accepts us. We do not “make” Him Savior or Lord. He already is Savior and Lord. We throw ourselves upon His mercy to save us and bow the knee to His Lordship.

More God-exalting: “Ask God to save you.” “Believe the gospel.”

3. God said or told me; listen to God
Possibly the most prolific false teaching today is that God regularly speaks to individuals verbally, through dreams and visions, or through signs, outside of Scripture, about the mundane issues of life, despite the fact that God Himself tells us He doesn’t speak this way and that His written Word is sufficient for our every need. God speaks to us, and we hear Him, through His written Word, the Bible. When we talk about God speaking to us, we need to make sure we’re driving that idea home, not subtly reinforcing the false idea that God is speaking to us outside of Scripture.

More God-exalting: “God tells us in Colossians 3:12…” “The Bible says in Proverbs 13:24…”

4. God showed up
No, He didn’t. God has never – in the history of all eternity, nor in eternity yet to come – “shown up.” When we say somebody “showed up,” the common understanding is that someone arrived on the scene who was not previously present. That has never been, and can never be, true of an eternal, omnipresent God. God has always been present everywhere. Sometimes what’s actually happening when people say “God showed up” at church is that they had an emotional response to the music, or experienced a temporary worldy sorrow over their sin. But when God really does seem to “show up,” what’s usually the case is that we “showed up” by prayerfully preparing our hearts for worship, by responding in repentance to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, by taking joy in praising and thanking God, or that God answered prayer or allowed us to see His hand at work in a situation.

More God-exalting: “It was a wonderful time of worship this morning!” “Thank you, God, for letting us see how You’re working!”

5. Tithes and offerings, or offerings over and above the tithe
Tithing, like making animal sacrifices or celebrating Israel’s various feasts and festivals, is an Old Testament law which Jesus fulfilled and is no longer binding on Christians. God’s instruction to Christians about giving is found in 2 Corinthians 9:7. When we try to impose Old Testament law upon New Testament Christians, we are violating God’s clear command that Christians are not to give under compulsion. On the other side of the coin (pun intended) merely plunking ten per cent of your earnings into the offering plate voluntarily and thinking you’re good to go with God isn’t right either. We are to follow Christ’s example of generosity and self-sacrifice as we minister to the church and others, giving up, if necessary, even our very lives.

More God-exalting: Offerings, gifts, generous giving, sacrificial giving

6. I have a peace about this
Often, this phrase reveals more than simple sloppy wording, it demonstrates that someone is relying more on her feelings, opinions, and experiences than on God’s Word to determine right from wrong. If there’s a Bible verse that tells us that a feeling of “peace” is what unequivocally confirms that we’re obeying God, I haven’t run across it. I’ve heard women say they have “a peace” about leaving their husbands for sinful reasons, or that they have “a peace” about opting out of church when God clearly commands the opposite. The fact of the matter is that our feelings are deceptive. We can have peaceful feelings about things that are ungodly, and anxious feelings even when carrying out the clear commands of Scripture. Scripture is our measuring stick for right and wrong, godly and ungodly, not our feelings.

More God-exalting: “I’m going to obey God’s Word and trust Him.”

7. What do you feel God would have you do?
Christians are not supposed to live our lives guided by our feelings. We are to live lives governed by the authority of God’s written Word. And it’s important that our vocabulary reflect that by being precise when we’re talking about making decisions. Our feelings are fleeting, fickle, and often false. What’s important – and what we’re to base all of our thoughts, words, and actions upon – is, “What does Scripture say about this?”

More God-exalting: “What does the Bible say you should do?” “Let’s pray and ask God for wisdom to rightly apply Scripture to this situation.”

8. What is God’s will for my life?
Frequently, when Christians ask this question, it’s in the context of making a life-altering decision about which college to attend or career to choose, whom to marry, and if, when, and how many children to have. But that’s not what “God’s will” means as outlined by Scripture. God’s will is for Christians to get up every day and walk in obedience to His Word. That’s it. That’s God’s will for your life. When it comes to making decisions, we rightly apply Scripture to the situation, pray that God will give us wisdom and direction, and make the most godly decision we can, trusting that the God who’s completely aware that we’re frail and by no means omniscient, will direct our paths.

More God-exalting: “How can I walk in obedience to God today?” “God, please give me wisdom and direct my path in this situation.”

9. God can’t ____ unless we ____.
I beg your pardon, but God can do whatever He wants to do (that’s in keeping with His nature and character), and He’s not sitting around wringing His hands, hoping we’ll do the right thing so He can act. That’s a theology that makes man omnipotent and God impotent. Psalm 135:5-6 says it best: “For I know that the Lord is great, and that our Lord is above all gods. Whatever the Lord pleases, He does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all the deeps.”

More God-exalting: “The Bible says in 1 John 1:9, if we ____, God will ___.”

10. The Mormon church, the Roman Catholic church, a New Apostolic Reformation church, etc.
It’s easy to fall into the habit of calling these religious organizations “churches” because that’s what they call themselves. But any gathering that doesn’t preach the biblical gospel is not a church, regardless of what the sign out front says. Human beings do not get to define what the church is. Only God gets to do that. And He has defined the church as Christ’s body, whom He died for and saved, of whom He is Head, and who submits to Him. Organizations which stand in opposition to clear Scripture or preach another gospel are not churches (Galatians 1:6-9 says they are “accursed” or “damned”), and verbal opposition to this misnomer would go a long way in helping to clarify that Mormons are not Christians, that Roman Catholic soteriology is not biblical, that Lakewood teaches false doctrine, and so on.

More God-exalting: Mormons, Catholicism, apostate church, organization, religion

What are some other “Christianese” words and phrases that need some cleaning up, and what are some other more precise and God-exalting terms we could use instead?

Sanctification

10 Pet Peeves (with Providential Purpose!)

Michelle Lesley

One of the podcasts I’m enjoying listening to right now is Mike Abendroth’s No Compromise Radio. Recently he posted a series of episodes about his pet peeves with the church, false teachers, and other ministry issues, and used those pet peeves as an opportunity for teaching and exhortation.

It seemed to be a thought-provoking way to address the issues, so I’m shamelessly emulating Mike’s idea today and discussing a few pet peeves of my own:

1. Mispronouncing or misspelling the names of false teachers being critiqued. The names that seem to give people the most trouble are Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer. There is no “L” in Osteen. It is not OLsteen or OLDsteen. It is pronounced OH’-steen (also note the emphasis on the first syllable). Joyce Meyer does not have an “S” on the end of her last name. It is Meyer, not MeyerS. When you mispronounce or misspell the name, it diminishes your credibility with followers of that teacher. People tend to think, “This person doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She hasn’t even done enough research to know what my favorite teacher’s actual name is.” Hearing Scriptural truth about your idol is hard enough. Let’s be merciful and not make it any harder for people than we have to.

2. Women who try to manipulate ministries which take a firm stance on biblical doctrine into apologizing or changing said stance by saying how “sad” or “grieved” or “depressed” or “sorrowful” they are that this ministry isn’t nicer to false teachers, more compassionate as to why women can’t submit to their husbands, etc. It reminds me of three year old little girls who have learned that if they turn on the tears and the puppy dog eyes, and burble with quivering lip, “That huwt my feewings!” when Mom disciplines them, that Mom will quickly change her mind about the punishment.

Ladies, godly women do not manipulate by saying things like this (And, as an aside, if you’re using this tactic with your husband, stop now. You’re going to destroy your marriage). If you’re not genuinely sad or grieved, what you’re saying is a lie. If something a ministry says or does genuinely offends you, the first thing you need to do is find out – from correctly handled Scripture, not your opinions – if they’re being biblical. If they are, you need to adjust your feelings so that they line up with Scripture. If they’re not, you need to speak the truth to them kindly, openly, honestly, in love, and with no hidden agenda.

3. People who comment on articles, social media posts, and so on without reading them first, especially when their comment is clearly addressed, answered, or refuted in the text. Have we really become this intellectually lazy? God gave us brains, intelligence, and literacy. We need to exercise those good gifts. The headline isn’t the extent of the writer’s thoughts. Read the article.

4. Mature Christians who positively quote, share, or re-tweet people they know (or should know) are false teachers. I don’t care if the quote itself is OK-ish. When you share something from a false teacher, others see that as your stamp of approval on that teacher, or question your discernment, or both. You’re pointing people who may be weaker brothers and sisters to false teachers. Knock it off.

5. Christian writers who consistently fail to capitalize the word Bible. I expect a surgeon to know how to handle a scalpel, a plumber to know how to use a wrench, and writers to know the rules of grammar. As Christians we should be striving for excellence in our vocations as a way to glorify God.

6. When people try to negate a general rule or biblical principle by pleading the exceptions to the rule. People point to the tiny percentage of pregnancies by rape and incest and say “See? Abortion should be legal!”. Christian women point to the exception of abusive men as though their existence exempts all godly women from the Bible’s instruction to submit to their husbands. There are always going to be exceptional circumstances like the tragedies of abuse and pregnancy due to rape or incest (and there are biblical principles for handling these special circumstances), but those exceptions do not cancel out the general rule or biblical principle that applies to the vast majority of people.

7. Women who confuse their feelings, personal preferences, and opinions with biblical truth and then attempt to use that “biblical truth” to correct others who disagree with them. You may be offended and strongly disagree with someone for calling your favorite preacher a false teacher, but your feelings and disagreement don’t mean that person is wrong. It could be that your opinion is what is unbiblical and that the other person is completely bibilically right in what she is saying. Or it could be another type of situation in which neither of you are wrong but that you’re coming at the issue from two different (yet biblical) perspectives, for example: grief over someone’s sin versus righteous anger over someone’s sin. As Christians, our feelings and opinions about things don’t really matter. We are slaves of Christ, so only our Master’s opinion matters. And His opinions are found in God’s written Word, not in our emotions. We must go to Scripture to determine what is right, godly, and good, and what is not.

8. I could write a whole article on things podcasters do during broadcasts that annoy me, but I’m working on not being annoyed by those things (plus, if I ever have my own podcast, I’m sure I’ll do all of them myself), so I’ll just mention one: repetitive linguistic idiosyncrasies and jokes. Yes, “that’s the way the cookie crumbles” but you don’t need to say it every five minutes. And, it was mildly amusing the first few times you intentionally pronounced that word wrong, but now it’s been several dozen times, and it’s just annoying. And nobody’s buying your shtick about feigning confusion over people’s names (“As Jimmy Carter once said…” “No, that was Jimmy Dean.” “I thought it was Dean Martin!”) anymore. The same linguistic joke or idiosyncrasy over and over and over again grates on my nerves. The spiritual application here? I need to be more patient and overlook things that annoy me out of love for the person doing them. I get that. I’m trying.

9. Making every event into a huge, over the top experience. When I was a kid, Vacation Bible School was a Bible story and a few songs, a modest craft, and some cookies and Kool-Aid. No theme, no decorations, no ordering hundreds of dollars worth of junk from LifeWay. Now VBS is more like Six Flags over Jesus. For centuries, worship services took place without an elaborate set, theatrical lighting, and flashing everything up on a screen. Pastors somehow managed to preach without props, costumes, or references to the latest movie. Bible studies required only (gasp!) a Bible, not a workbook, a DVD, a web site, YouTube videos, four jillion different colored highlighters, a bachelor’s degree in hieroglyphics for margin markings, and the talent of Monet for Bible art journaling.

I once saw a picture of a church in Africa. Not a church building – because they didn’t have one – but the actual church: the people. They met under a certain tree on Sundays to sing, pray, and be taught by their pastor. No programs, no flash, no bling, yet this was a successful church because it built up and trained Christians in the faith. There’s nothing intrinsically sinful about decorations, lights, or a plethora of pens, but sometimes all the hoopla and accessories distract us from our main purpose- the unfettered pursuit of Christ. When we feel like we have to do all that extra stuff – to attract people or to have some sort of feeling or experience – we’re losing sight of our purpose. Simple is good and doable and not displeasing to God.

10. My biggest pet peeve – the one that affects me the most, personally; the one that frustrates and irritates and angers me more than all the others – is my own sin. I know exactly how Paul felt, and I can’t say it better than he did, when he said:

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?
Romans 7:15,18-19, 22-24

Can’t you just see Paul throwing up his hands in frustration, tearing out his hair, banging his head on his desk? I drive through that neighborhood a lot. “Ugh! I gave into temptation AGAIN!” “I just repented of coveting yesterday, and here I am doing it again today!” “Why did I react to that situation with pride instead of humility? I know what Scripture says about that!” I see the goal – Christlikeness. I want to get there, but I know that’s not going to come to completion this side of Glory. And it drives me absolutely nuts.

But then I see the cross. The grace. The kindness of my Savior to forgive me. And I’m reminded to keep moving forward, to “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” That it’s His work in my heart that makes me holy and enables me to obey, not my straining and striving. What a merciful and loving and gracious God!

Life is full of little (and big) pet peeves. But if we’ll submit ourselves to God, study His word, and seek to obey Him, they can have a sanctifying purpose. God can use even the most annoying irritation to sand off some of our rough edges, show us our sin, and lead us to become more like Christ.

Do you have any pet peeves?
How could God use them as tools to sanctify you?