Category: Mailbag

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Should I Sue?

Michelle Lesley

Originally published March 23, 2020

I know the Bible tells us not to sue someone, but are there situations where this may be OK?

I have a long term illness caused by bad medical advice given to me by several doctors. I know there are many many others who suffer like I do from the same thing for the same reasons. Because of my illness I have lost my job, friends, and the ability to do things I used to do and enjoy.

While I have never been one to sue someone or take legal action I am considering it in this situation. I am not doing it for the money, but so that awareness can be brought about so maybe others will not go through what I am going through.

I know if I go forward it will be a difficult journey for me and may cause some disruption with the doctors who treated me. I have been praying about it and am going to look into Christian counseling as well, but I have learned a lot from following you and would like to hear what you have to say as well.

Great question. First let’s look at exactly what Scripture says about this:

When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud—even your own brothers! 1 Corinthians 6:1-8

So, the Bible doesn’t make a blanket statement “not to sue,” but not to sue certain people for a particular reason. The idea Paul is trying to convey here is that Christians, of all people, ought to be able to work out their differences among themselves. We’re the people who have God-given wisdom for such things, not lost people. So, when Christians drag each other into a worldly court over something that they ought to be able to work out in godly love, humility, and repentance (or at least ought to be able to have mediated by a pastor or elders), it tarnishes the name of Christ and makes the church look foolish. It’s better to just absorb the loss than to do that. So what this passage is teaching us is that it is a poor witness to the world for Christians to sue one another rather than to work things out together.

Now, I realize this isn’t your particular situation, but I’m going to throw it out there for everybody else who’s reading. The passage above does not say this, but I think the Bible would also support the idea that, in most cases of personal grievance, Christians probably shouldn’t sue lost people either. Your neighbor accidentally planted her garden six inches over your property line? You babysat for a couple down the block and they never paid you the agreed upon amount? You had been planning a special anniversary dinner for you and your husband for weeks and the restaurant messed everything up? Try to imagine what these people might think of Christians or Christianity or your church if you sued them, and, conversely, how counter-culturally surprising it might be to them if you didn’t sue them. Would a lawsuit open or close a door for you to share the gospel with these folks? Would you be carrying out Jesus’ command to turn the other cheek, to overcome evil with good, and to repay no one evil for evil, but to bless and do what is honorable? When we make decisions like this, we need to be sure we’re putting Scripture, the name and renown of Christ and His church, and the spiritual good of the other person ahead of ourselves and any benefit we might gain. God is our provider, not the tort system. And, of course, it should go without saying that Christians should never sue others on the basis of dishonesty (ex: faking injuries after a car accident) or in an effort to greedily “get rich quick”.

However, the way our legal system and our laws work in the United States, there are, unfortunately, some instances in which a lawsuit is the legally sanctioned proper channel to go through in order to secure services or for two entities to iron out the details of a fair settlement between them, and this process carries no more ethical implications than, say, filling out a request for services form. This is often the case between insurance companies in the event of a car accident, for example. This can sometimes be the case with a business or entity that is obligated to provide you with a particular service or remuneration. It very much depends on the situation, the laws of your state, the company’s policies, etc. In a case like this, I would recommend setting up an appointment with your pastor for counseling on the biblical aspects of the situation, and consulting with a reputable (preferably Christian) attorney for legal advice.

In your case, it sounds like your goal is to prevent innocent people from suffering at the hands of negligent doctors, and a lawsuit can be one way to do that. I cannot give you a definitive yes or no as to whether or not a lawsuit would be the biblical thing to do in your case, but here are some things I would encourage you to do and consider as you prayerfully make your decision:

•Pray through and consider the Scriptures I’ve linked to above as well as others that will help you examine your heart to be sure your motives moving ahead are godly, not retributive.

•If you’re married, be sure you’re submitting to your husband regarding any action you might take.

•Assuming you’re a member of a biblical, doctrinally sound church, make an appointment with your pastor (preferably, or, barring that, a Biblical Counselor, which is different from a “Christian counselor”) for counsel on all of the biblical ramifications of filing a lawsuit and any other actions you might be considering taking. Counseling is part of his job, he can take the time to walk through all of the details with you, and it is he whom God has placed in the position of shepherding your soul.

•Contact a reputable, preferably Christian, attorney (your pastor may be able to recommend one) who can explain all of the processes involved in filing a lawsuit, and might also be able to give you some more effective alternatives. Discuss all of this with your pastor and get his counsel on it.

•Is there another way to accomplish your goal of protecting and helping other victims and potential victims? What about a local ministry to others with the same illness? What if you wrote a book about your experiences? Perhaps an online ministry and information clearinghouse – a blog, website, Facebook group, etc. – that could reach even more people than a lawsuit could? Brainstorm some ideas with your pastor, husband, or close friends.

If there is any way to avoid a lawsuit while still protecting others, I would recommend exploring that possibility.

Additional Resources:

What does the Bible say about lawsuits / suing? at Got Questions?

Forbidden Lawsuits by John MacArthur

Alliance Defending Freedom

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Cremation… ID-ing false teachers… Church membership… Women translators)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

I can’t find any Scripture about cremation. Is this practice another pagan tradition Christians have accepted? I, myself was thinking it’s okay, but now I’m unsure. Thanks.

Thank you so much for setting a super example for us all by a) wanting to do the godly thing about this, and b) searching the Scriptures to find your answer.

You didn’t find any Scriptures about cremation because Scripture doesn’t mention cremation, and there are no related biblical principles that directly indicate that we either should or shouldn’t participate in cremation. And, no, the way cremation is practiced today in Western culture, it is not a pagan practice. Therefore, cremation is an issue of adiaphora, or Christian liberty.

I think Todd Friel has done a good job of answering this question from his “burial is preferable” perspective…

…but I don’t find it compelling enough to move me from my “either way is fine with me” perspective, and I feel like some of the things he says are stretching it just a tiny bit. A few reasons:

  • In the same way that the overwhelming majority of people – even many Christians – don’t make the Ephesians 5 connection between husband and Christ, and wife and church in a wedding ceremony unless it’s explicitly explained to them, the overwhelming majority of people – even many Christians – aren’t going to make the connection between burying someone and the resurrection of the dead at a funeral unless it’s explicitly explained to them. Naturally, I’m all for those explicit explanations during those respective ceremonies. I’m just saying it’s not an automatic connection most people make merely from witnessing a wedding or burial.
  • If you’re buried long enough, your remains are going to decompose and disintegrate, just like someone who is cremated, dies in a fire, is buried or lost at sea, is eaten by a wild animal, etc. If you’re being buried instead of cremated because you want to be sure you have a body to be resurrected into, I would encourage you to do a little more study on the science of the decomposition of the human body. God is able to resurrect every saint no matter what happened to her body after death. And besides, you’re getting a new body anyway.
  • I think a perfectly biblical, and possibly even more strongly Scripturally supported argument could be made for stewardship. Burial is typically much more expensive than cremation. What about the person who would rather be cremated and give the difference in cost to his church? What about a struggling family who could scrape together enough for a cremation, but would have to go into debt for a burial?

This is an issue you will have to pray about, talk with your family about, and maybe even discuss with your pastor. If your conscience would bother you to be either buried or cremated, don’t violate your conscience. A few more resources that may help:

Burial vs. Cremation on Wretched TV

What does the Bible say about cremation? at Got Questions

What does the Bible say about cremation? by John MacArthur

Is Prophetess X a false teacher?

What do you think about the teaching of Apostle Y?

Can I get your thoughts on LifeWay Women’s newest divangelista1?

I’ve received several questions along these lines in recent weeks. Lemme just give you the quick and easy answers to these.

I would never literally bet my life on something, but if I were so inclined, I would feel perfectly comfortable betting that nobody who goes by the title Prophet/Prophetess or Apostle is doctrinally sound. In my experience, everyone I’ve encountered who has gone by one of those titles has been a New Apostolic Reformation heretic (NAR doctrine is literal heresy – another gospel). So, if you come across somebody who goes by one of those titles, there’s no need to sweat whether or not you should read her books or follow him on social media, just avoid all of them them all together.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t think it has caught on widely, yet. It pains me to say this, but if you’re trying to find out if a certain female author or teacher is doctrinally sound and you need a quick rule out without doing hours of research on an someone you’re not familiar with, I would recommend avoiding any author or conference speaker platformed or promoted by LifeWay Women (the women’s division of LifeWay).

I’m not saying every author and teacher LifeWay Women features is necessarily a heretic or false teacher, I’m just saying that enough of them are that it’s reasonable to draw the conclusion that that’s mainly the type of woman they like to promote. (I mean, you don’t see them promoting women like me or Susan Heck or Martha Peace, do you?) I’ve written articles on many of their featured teachers. I’m not familiar with all of them, but all of the ones I am familiar with are biblically problematic.

And, of course, you can always use my article Is She a False Teacher? 7 Steps to Figuring it Out on Your Own for tips on researching any of these or other teachers.

Can I please, one more time, beg y’all to stop searching for the diamond chip in the pile of Women’s “Bible” study poo and just study directly from the text of Scripture? You don’t have to vet the Bible or worry whether or not the Author is doctrinally sound. God took care of all that for us.

And if you’re looking for some great women to follow on social media, blogs, or podcasts, or some wonderful pastors to listen to in your leisure time, click here.

1“Divangelista” is just a slang term I coined because the phrase “popular women’s ‘Bible’ study authors” is too long and cumbersome for writing. It’s a combination of the words “diva” and “evangelical” and rhymes with “Sandinista” (if you’re old enough to remember them) for no particular reason.

I came out of the New Age and am looking for a good church. I went to your recommended list and found a church I was interested in. It looked great at first, but it appears they have a rather strange ‘membership’ proposition. It consists of you going to membership classes, then in front of a panel of elders, then you have to attend for up to six months before your ‘interview’. Honestly, I find this bizarre, unusual and is this really necessary? Please could you comment, or get back to me as we have been looking for a spiritual home for a few years now. Thanks.

I’m so happy for you that the Lord is leading you to seek out a doctrinally sound church!

If I were to hazard a guess, I would say, based on no other information than what you’ve given me, that this is probably a very doctrinally sound church. Typically, the reason churches have membership processes like this is that they’re trying to make sure, as best they can, that they don’t admit lost people into membership. The membership classes are for you to learn about the church – their doctrine, their practices, etc. The six month waiting period and the interview are for the church to get to know you and observe the fruit of your life – to see whether your walk matches your talk, so to speak. During this process, they can get a pretty good idea of whether or not you’re actually saved and growing in holiness, and you can get a good idea of whether or not this church is a good fit for you and your family.

Here’s what I would suggest. If I’m understanding correctly, you read all of this information on the church’s website, right? Why don’t you try visiting the church for several weeks and see if it even seems like a church you’re interested in. If not, the membership process is moot. If so, set up an appointment with the pastor or appropriate elder and ask him any questions you may have about the membership process.

If you end up needing to find another church, be sure you carefully peruse all of the church search engines and other resources at the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

I would also encourage you to listen to this brief sermon series my pastor preached earlier this year about church membership. (Our membership process is similar to, though not quite as extensive as the one you described.)

I agree with you about women’s preaching. But I have a question, what do you think about when a woman translates the message of the preacher? I’m a missionary in Mexico and over here they don’t see a problem with women preaching in most of the churches. So one time at our church my husband gave his testimony in English to the American community and I translated in Spanish, and the other day someone asked me when I would like to preach on Sunday at the Mexican church and I was like “no thank you, I don’t think that is something I will ever do” but this person said: you have preached already. When you translated for your husband…. I personally don’t think is the same. But what are your thoughts?

You are correct. Translating and preaching/teaching are not the same thing, and a woman translating for a pastor or teacher is not something that falls under the biblical prohibition against women pastoring, preaching, or instructing men in the Scriptures. I, myself, have translated for worship services in the past.

That being said, because of the confusion and biblical ignorance of the people you’re working with, it sounds like the wisest thing would be for a man to translate if at all possible, and for you to take the women aside and disciple them in a proper understanding of the Scriptures that govern the role of women in the church.

We understand and agree with the value and Biblical reasoning behind church membership. We are in a small town with limited church options. The most solid church here is a church that requires believer’s baptism for membership. My husband would be more in line with paedo baptism and was baptized as an infant. He is a solid, Biblical, regenerate believer. Because of this we cannot be members. I have no idea what we should do in this situation.

OK, let’s take a deep breath and put things into biblical perspective. As you know, church membership is very important and shouldn’t be treated as trivial, but in a situation like this in which you’ve done everything you possibly can to pursue membership, but it’s impossible, your husband is not sinning by not going through the formal membership process. (You didn’t specify, but from your message, it sounds like you either have been baptized as a Believer or would be willing to submit to credo baptism.) Let me offer you a few thoughts:

  • (This first thought is for my unmarried readers, and is not meant as a criticism of you.) Single ladies considering marriage – it is extremely important that you and your intended be as close to 100% agreement in your theology as humanly possible before you get married. As you can see from this dear sister’s dilemma, differing views on things like baptism are not a “no big deal” proposition, and can cause issues in your marriage and in parenting.
  • If you haven’t already done so, the two of you need to make an appointment with the pastor and discuss your concerns, beliefs, and questions. Some churches have a provisional type of membership for situations like this.
  • Have you thoroughly scoured all of the church search engines at the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page? Perhaps there’s a new church you’re not aware of, or another church in a neighboring town that would be a better fit for your family.

If this church is absolutely the only option available, and you’ve talked with the pastor, my counsel would be for you to go through the membership process (assuming you’re credo baptist) and for both of you to attend and serve faithfully, as far as is possible (most churches don’t allow non-members to serve in certain ways or positions). If your husband’s convictions about baptism change at some point, he can then pursue membership.

And, as I suggested to the previous reader who asked about church membership, I would also encourage you to listen to this brief sermon series my pastor preached earlier this year about church membership. I think you’ll find it encouraging.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (What is Word of Faith?… Readers’ help needed… Foreign language resources… How to find a wife… Fundraisers… Should I get re-baptized?)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

Do you have an article somewhere on this site about the deceptiveness of the word of faith movement? I tried using the search bar to find it but didn’t come up with anything. I have family members deeply rooted in this and have my own conflicting views on it and would love a nice breakdown of why you are so against it. Thank you so much for your blog and for your time.

You know, I never did write an article specifically on the Word of Faith movement, and I really should have. All I can say is that at the point in time several years ago when I was thinking about writing one, it was looking rather like the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR) was going to swallow up the Word of Faith movement all together, so that’s where I concentrated my efforts.

To some extent, that “swallowing up” has happened, but we do still see some “churches” that are still mostly “pure” Word of Faith. In my opinion, Joel Osteen’s Lakewood is one good example of that. He’s still all about the health, wealth, and prosperity, but has never really gotten into the crazy antics of the NAR like faith healing, raising the dead, prophesying, holy laughter, being slain in the spirit, the apostolic structure and hierarchy of the NAR, and things of that nature.

The reason “I’m against” (and every genuinely regenerated Christian should be) both WoF and NAR is because they’re both literal heresy. They’re both the “different gospel” Galatians 1:6-9 anathematizes.

  • Neither of them worships the God of the Bible, but an idol they’ve created to appease the lusts of their flesh. They’ve simply stolen the names “God,” “Jesus,” “Holy Spirit,” etc., from the Bible and plastered them on these false gods they’ve created to do their bidding.
  • The “salvation” they promise is not salvation from sin unto obedience to Christ, but “salvation” from poverty, problems, illness, lack of success, and so on.
  • They don’t teach that we need to come to Jesus in repentance and faith because we’re sinners in need of a Savior, but rather that their “Jesus” can make all our problems disappear and all our dreams come true, very much like the crowds who followed Jesus just to see a miracle, get healed, get fed, or because they thought He was going to overthrow Rome and lift their oppression.

And there’s so much more. Let me give you some resources I hope will help:

The Mailbag: Should I Say, or Should I Go?

The Mailbag: What is the New Apostolic Reformation?

The Mailbag: Should Christians listen to “Reckless Love”?

God’s Not Like “Whatever, Dude,” About The Way He’s Approached in Worship

Is the Word of Faith movement biblical? at GotQuestions

White Paper: Word of Faith at Berean Research

Blessed: A History of the American Prosperity Gospel by Kate Bowler (You may want to check your local public library for this one to save a little money. It was available at mine.)

Defining Deception, God, Greed, and the (Prosperity) Gospel, and More than a Healer by Costi Hinn

Our church ladies are searching for a presentation of Christ’s redemptive work from Genesis to Revelation. Supposedly it’s out there but no one can recall who authored it and/or put the study together…

I suspect John MacArthur and/or R.C. Sproul have some sort of teaching, book, etc., on this, but at the moment it’s not ringing a bell for me.

Readers, it sounds like they’re looking for something in particular rather than suggestions. Does this sound familiar to anybody? Comment below (not on social media), and I’ll alert the lady who sent in the question to keep an eye on the comments section.

I have a friend who speaks very little English and she wants to know more about the Bible and I would like to recommend a solid teacher who speaks Portuguese or has an interpreter as she really needs to grow in the Word of God.

I don’t personally know of any well known pastors or teachers who speak Portuguese, but many have had their materials translated into Portuguese. Here are a few to get you started:

John MacArthur’s books and materials (Just type “Portuguese” into the search bar)

Ligonier’s books and materials

Paul Washer’s books

I also found a number of sermons on YouTube that have either been captioned, dubbed, or translated into Portuguese. (For example: Paul Washer, John MacArthur)

Here’s what I would suggest. Go up to the blue menu bar at the top of this page and click on Recommended Bible Teachers. Scroll down to the men, gather up some names, and start typing them into both Google and YouTube followed by the word “Portuguese” (ex: “John MacArthur Portuguese”). Also try it without the last “e” as “Português” is the Portuguese word for “Portuguese” (like Español is the Spanish word for “Spanish”). I don’t think any of the women on that list have had anything translated into Porguguese with the possible exceptions of Martha Peace and Susan Heck.

Hi—do you have any recommendations for pastors who put out content in Spanish? My boyfriend cannot benefit from the teachings of any of the wonderful Biblically-sound pastors that you recommend, because he doesn’t speak English!

Try the websites and suggestions above, substituting “Spanish / Español” for “Portuguese / Português”. I think you’ll find some good resources.

Also—do you know of sound churches in Tijuana?

I don’t personally know of any, but I would encourage you to exhaust all of the church search engines at the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

What advice for a Christian who is looking for a female to marry. [This Instagram “Christian” dating page] follows one of the Bethel Churches, and I’m skeptical on attending [their dating event].

I would guess that most “Christian” dating sites are a lot like most “Christian” book stores: lots of anything and everything that calls itself “Christian” (regardless of whether or not it’s biblical) and a tiny handful of actual Christian.

I’ve been married almost 30 years, so this is not really my wheelhouse. The best advice I can give you is to join a doctrinally sound church if you’re not already a member of one. The first and most important reason for this is that Scripture commands it, and if you’re a Christian, you’re to obey God’s Word. (If you need some help in your search, click here.)

But a side effect of being a faithful, invested member of a doctrinally sound local church is that, as you’re growing into a more godly man, the single women of your church are growing into godly women with the same beliefs and theology as yours, which is vital to a healthy, Christ-centered marriage.

If your church is short on single women, set up an appointment with your pastor and talk things over with him. I would also suggest talking with a few of the spiritually mature older women in your church, letting them know you’re looking for a godly woman to marry so they can be on the lookout, but it would be a good idea to bounce this off your pastor first.

I absolutely love your page and the wisdom you share! Would you please share the link to my fundraiser on your social media?

I am so sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable sharing fundraisers of people I don’t know or have any sort of relationship with. There are soooooo many online scammers out there, and there’s really no way for me to vet you and your fundraiser and find out if you’re legit. My followers trust me, and I don’t want to pass along something that might turn out to be a scam.

I did not grow up in the church, let along hearing God’s word, and it wasn’t until I got married that I started going to church and reading my Bible. My husband was Lutheran, so I went through confirmation class and then was baptized by sprinkling. It never occurred to me what baptism really meant and it’s definition until we became reformed Baptist. I have been studying and learning about baptism more lately and it has been convicting me to be baptized; again. I feel that my understanding of the outward expression of what baptism is definitely has changed. I truly believe that baptism should be full immersion; symbolizing the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus, and myself dying with Jesus and being born again in Jesus. So should I be baptized by full immersion, with the new understanding of what it is, or is my first baptism just as good? My pastor told me that because I was not fully immersed that technically I should not be taking communion because he said both go hand-in-hand. I don’t want to do something wrong by being baptized again but I also don’t want to do something wrong by not being baptized by full immersion. My conviction has been on my heart for a while now to be baptized again but I want to make sure that it’s the Holy Spirit convicting me and not just my heart telling me to do something.

I think your pastor is right, and you should trust him. If you’re unclear about the reasons he has given you for being re-baptized, ask him to explain again.

Please accept this in the spirit of love and concern in which I offer it – I hope you will give this some thought: Why would you trust the counsel of a stranger on the internet over your pastor’s counsel? If you don’t trust him and/or you disagree with the theology he’s teaching you, why are you still a member of that church? Just something to think about.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: She’s single and pregnant by IVF. How do I respond?

Michelle Lesley

In our church, there is a single Christian lady in her mid 30’s who has no man in her life, who got pregnant through IVF. She is not lesbian. She wanted desperately to have a baby and didn’t want to wait for the adoption process so got pregnant by IVF. After 6 tries, she was successful and is now 7 months along and proud of her baby “bump”.

Our Pastor is new to our congregation and may not be aware of how this lady became pregnant.

I as a part of the congregation I am not sure how to handle this process or speak to her about it after the fact.

Some other ladies her own age are so excited for her and congratulating her etc. What she has done is not biblical. She has posted her whole process of getting pregnant on Facebook, which I also don’t agree with. She has received so many words of encouragement and congratulations.

How should I deal with this now that it has already happened? If they organize a baby shower – I will not attend but want to be Christianly about this. Can you give me some ideas of what to say?

When you’re invited, graciously say, “Thank you for the invitation, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it.”. Period. That’s all that needs to be said. Let me explain why.

First, hear me when I say I completely agree with you that what this woman did was selfish and ungodly. We don’t bear children to please ourselves, achieve a goal, or self-actualize, especially when we intentionally create a situation in which a child will not have a father. There’s a reason God set the family up the way He did – marriage first, then children, with a mother and a father in the home – because that is what is best for us and what brings Him the most glory.1 What this lady did was to deliberately rebel against God’s design for the family, one of His two bedrock institutions (the other being the church).

Now all of that being said, and knowing that I’m on your side, I need to say something that might not be easy to hear. Even though I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, your email comes across to me – a disinterested party to the situation, and someone who agrees with you – as dripping with judgment and potential gossip. That’s why I think you should simply and politely decline the invitation to the shower and say no more. Because if your email comes across to me that way, imagine how anything you have to say about this situation is going to come across to this woman, her friends, your church, or your pastor.

Our Pastor is new to our congregation and may not be aware of how this lady became pregnant.

You don’t need to be the one to inform him unless he asks you point blank, “How did this woman get pregnant?”. And believe me, if he’s been there longer than a week or two, some talebearer in the church has already told him and he knows.

I as a part of the congregation I am not sure how to handle this process or speak to her about it after the fact…How should I deal with this now that it has already happened?

There is no “process” for you to “handle” as a member of the congregation, and there is nothing you need to say to her about it after the fact, unless she personally comes to you and asks you for your input on what she did. Had she asked for your advice and wisdom while she was considering IVF, or even after attempts 1-6, it would have been fine for you to counsel her against it at that point, but at this point, she can’t go back in time and undo what she did, and it sounds like she’s not asking for your advice.

The way you should deal with this now that it’s already happened is to love her and be kind to her. And if you find that difficult, ask God to help you love her and be kind to her, the same way Jesus loved and was kind to sinners. Something I often pray is, “Lord, please help me see people the way You see them, think about people the way You think about them, and love them the way You love them.”. I’m not very good at doing those things, but God is, and He helps me.

You should also bear in mind – another potential “ouch” here, sorry – that if you are, indeed, harboring judgment or disdain for this woman in your heart, or nursing a desire to gossip to the pastor about it (and I can’t say whether you are or not – that’s something you’ll have to get alone with the Lord and examine your own heart about), those are sins, too. If this is the case, you’re just as guilty of sin as she is, though in a different way. Truly grasping this may make it easier to bear with her and be more humbly compassionate toward her.

…walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

Ephesians 4:1b-2

Now, let me zoom out from the specifics of this particular situation, and say that there is a bigger picture issue here that you might actually need to do something about. If this lady has been a member of the church for any significant amount of time and claims to be born again, it’s concerning that the church environment is such that she would feel comfortable and godly even considering IVF as a single woman, much less actually doing it and shamelessly broadcasting it all over social media.

In a doctrinally sound church, she would have been well trained enough in the Scriptures to know she shouldn’t do this. And if she did start talking about it and start the IVF process, she would have had other godly women in the church that she was close to come alongside her and counsel her against it. And if she pursued it despite their counsel, the second, and, eventually, third and final step of church discipline would have been carried out.

The fact that none of this seems to have happened may indicate that you’re not in a very doctrinally sound church. If you think that’s the case, there is something you can do: find another local church that’s doctrinally sound and join it.

Church situations like this can be sticky with no clear cut answers. We want to be loving but not to appear as though we condone sin. It’s so encouraging that, even though you seem to be struggling with how to respond – as I’m sure any of us would – the bottom line is that you desire to respond in a godly way. I know it’s hard, and I’m taking a moment to pray that God will give you wisdom and grace.

1Yes, dear readers, I understand that sometimes unavoidable things like the death of a spouse or divorce happen and you involuntarily find yourself in a single parenting situation. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about God’s ideal design and a person who is deliberately rebelling against it.

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Michelle’s personal info… Female apologists… Cardinals are dead loved ones?… MacArthur a Mason?)

Michelle Lesley

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

Could I get your home address? I have some questions that I don’t want on the internet.

Where do you live? What church do you go to?

Have you ever gotten an email or DM/PM from someone you don’t know asking for personal information out of the blue like that? I have.

I love all of my followers and I love that by following me, reading my blog, listening to my podcast, etc., you feel a kinship, maybe even a friendship, with me. I dearly wish we could all be friends in person – and if you’re a genuinely regenerated Believer, one day we will be – for eternity! I can’t wait!

But while we’re on this broken, sinful earth, I’ve heard all the same “stranger on the internet” horror stories you have, along with the warnings not to give out personal information to said strangers.

That’s why my Contact and Social Media page – the only place I’m aware of where my email address is available – clearly says in the very first sentence (right under “Important information. Please read before e-mailing“):

I handle all correspondence with readers via email or social media private message (i.e. no phone calls or snail mail).

The next paragraph begins:

I regret I am unable to answer most emails/PMs unrelated to speaking engagements, and I cannot engage in discipleship or counseling relationships with individual readers via email/PM.

In addition to the fact that I don’t have the time that’s required to engage in email relationships (I’m sorry, I wish I did.), if you need one-on-one counsel or discipleship God’s plan is the local church, not the internet. It’s not right for me to get between you and your pastor or you and a Titus 2 older woman at your church, and it wouldn’t be the best for your spiritual growth, either. This is just one of the dozens of reasons it’s imperative that you be a faithful member of a doctrinally sound local church.

I’m honored (I mean that!) that any of y’all would want me to answer your questions individually or give you personal counsel, but even if I could, it wouldn’t be God’s design or what’s best for you. And for safety reasons, although I’m sure none of you have sinister motives, I have no way of knowing whether you’re you or some whacko is impersonating you, so if you ask for personal information from me, it’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just that I don’t know you, so you’re unlikely to receive a reply.

What are your thoughts on female apologists? Do we treat them the same as “female pastors”? These women frequently speak at mixed gender conferences on Biblical topics. I question, though, what’s the difference between letting a woman get behind the pulpit at a Saturday conference for both genders versus a Sunday morning?

That’s a very good question – one many more Christians should be asking – and the answer is, “There isn’t a difference.”. If something is a sin on Sunday morning, it’s just as much of a sin on Saturday afternoon, Tuesday at midnight, or Thursday at brunch.

It doesn’t matter what a woman’s title is Wait, that’s not quite accurate. It does matter if a woman bears the title of pastor, overseer, elder, bishop, or the title of any other biblical office or position that Scripture restricts to men. There is never a time when it’s biblical for a woman to bear such a title. Why? Because if she bears the title of, say, “pastor,” and she’s doing the job of a pastor, she’s sinning by violating Scripture’s prohibition against women pastors. If she bears the title of “pastor” and she’s not doing the job of a pastor, then her title is a lie, which is also a sin.

But beyond those biblical titles and offices (for example: there’s no biblical office or position of apologist, conference speaker, etc.), it doesn’t matter what a woman’s title is. What matters is whether or not she’s violating Scripture by teaching men in the gathering of the Body. When the Body is gathered for teaching and/or preaching, whether that’s on a Sunday morning for church, on a Saturday at a Christian conference, or whatever the day, situation, event, or venue, women are not to instruct men in the Scriptures. Period. I don’t care what she calls herself, what she says she’s trying to do, or who gave her permission to do it. God’s Word doesn’t give her permission, and she’s violating Scripture.

When the Body is gathered for teaching and/or preaching, whatever the day, situation, event, or venue, women are not to instruct men in the Scriptures. Period.

A couple of resources you may find helpful:

Rock Your Role: Jill in the Pulpit

Rock Your Role FAQs

Fencing Off the Forbidden Fruit Tree

How can we minister to unbelievers who believe cardinals are loved ones visiting1, or other signs they believe are their lost loved ones communicating with them?

To those of us who have been saved a long time and have never run into this idea culturally, it seems silly and laughable. But try to remember how scary death and the afterlife seemed before you got saved. Lost people have no way of making sense of death. No hope and peace of an eternity with Christ. Of course they make up ridiculosities like “There’s just nothingness after you die,” or “Everybody goes to Heaven” … or cardinals. They’re trying to comfort themselves, and this is the best that fallen mankind has been able to come up with. Only Jesus makes sense of death and eternity.

Only Jesus makes sense of death and eternity.

Most people who remark on the appearance of a cardinal this way probably “believe” it about as much as they “believe” there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or “step on a crack, break your mother’s back,” or that they’ll really have seven years’ bad luck if they break a mirror. It’s just something people once heard somewhere and they say it so they’ll have something to say at the moment.

So the first thing I’d probably do is say something like, “Oh really? I’ve never heard that before. Where does that belief come from?” or “Very interesting. Why do you believe that?”. And listen. Being interested in someone’s beliefs not only demonstrates that you care about her, but it’ll give you a better grasp of where she’s coming from, spiritually (maybe she really does believe cardinals embody the spirits of the dead), and hopefully it will give you an opportunity to share the gospel with her. And that’s what she desperately needs if she believes this cardinal ma-lark-ey. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!) :0)

1In case it’s not obvious, this is not a Christian site and I’m not recommending it for anything other than the explanation of this superstition.

I listen to John MacArthur’s podcast daily. I love his study Bible and have learned so much from him. A friend recently sent me [a link from a so-called discernment site]. Are you aware of Pastor MacArthur having any ties to the Free Masons? Praying for discernment. Thank you for your help and guidance.

I’m so glad you’re seeking to be discerning rather than just believing whatever random thing you’ve heard on the internet. Good on ya!

This is just one of the many silly false accusations about John MacArthur that are floating around out there. (Frankly, by now, I’m kind of surprised nobody has accused him of being a robot from Mars.) But why believe me? Listen to Dr. MacArthur in his own words:

But I’m really glad you asked, because this is a great opportunity for me to share a couple of quick discernment tips with everyone:

  • Consider the source. Ever heard that before? It’s certainly true of blogs and news sites and discernment ministries. Some are reliable and trustworthy. Some are not. If you’re not sure, don’t just blindly trust the information from that site, especially if it’s largely speculation, conjecture, opinion, or just plain sounds nutty (or is backed up only by other sites fitting that description). Do your homework. Use sources you know to be trustworthy that are backed up by Scripture and other trustworthy sites.

    (Personally – and this is the kind of thing you learn from experience, so it never hurts to reach out to somebody like me and ask if you’re new to this discernment stuff – I would never trust a website named GodIsTerrible dot whatever – the website shared with the reader who sent in the question. I know it’s based on part of a KJV Bible verse, but I don’t really care what the blogger’s motive was for choosing that domain name. Without context, it’s blasphemous and deliberately deceptive, and that’s not someone I’d consider trustworthy on anything biblical.)
  • Straight from the horse’s mouth. If you want to know what someone believes, it’s always best to go straight to the source, particularly if it’s someone you know or have reasonable access to. If it’s someone you don’t have easy direct access to, like Dr. MacArthur, go to his website, find the search bar, and start searching. You can even use an internet search engine. I found the video above by typing “John MacArthur masons” into Google. It was the second hit.

Keep up the great work of being a good Berean!

If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.