The Mailbag: Potpourri (What’s “cage stage?… Dealing with the offended… Pastor sabbaticals… Fragrance toxicity in church)

Welcome to another “potpourri” edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. I’m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.

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What does “cage stage” mean? I’ve seen Christians referred to as “cage stage Calvinists” and “cage stage discerners”.

This is a great question I’ve been asked several times. I use this term all the time, myself, and because I’m going to use it in answering the next question (below), I thought I’d go ahead and explain it here first.

I, too, have most often seen (and used) the term “cage stage” applied in Christianity to Calvinism and discernment, but it’s a concept that could really be applied in a wide variety of Christian and non-Christian situations.

Have you ever known someone who recently discovered some new paradigm, idea, area of interest, etc., and she’s instantly an expert on the subject, she can’t shut up about it, and she’s out to “convert” everybody to it? Maybe you’ve seen it with someone who’s getting great results from a new diet or exercise regimen or something like that. You know, like, she needs to be locked in a “cage” until she can calm down about it?

That’s where the term comes from and that’s how some Christians are when they first discover the Doctrines of Grace, or the Lord has recently opened their eyes to discernment. They’re overzealous – sometimes even to the point of actual idolatry – and they’re genuinely flummoxed as to why everyone doesn’t immediately see what they’re seeing and get on board, conveniently forgetting that they were just like those other people until about ten minutes ago.

That’s what it means to be a “cage stage” Calvinist, or discerner, or anything else. If someone is applying that term to you, that’s not a good thing. Do some serious introspection in prayer, and maybe ask a friend who will be honest with you, if you’ve been a pain in the bee-hind lately about your shiny new idea. If you find that you’ve been going a bit overboard, repent and calm down, then walk slowly out of the cage and join the rest of us out here. We love and miss “normal” you!

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How do you handle it when women are offended by calling out their favorite false teacher? I offended two ladies by calling out Priscilla Shirer and Bethel as false leaders. These women seem to hate me. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I fear running into them now. I know Christ never ran from confrontation with the Pharisees. In a practical sense, if I run into these ladies, do I just ignore them or politely speak and keep going? How do you handle it?

Great question, and I’m sorry these women are treating you this way. Scripture makes it abundantly clear that when there’s division over false teachers, it’s the false teachers and those who support them who are at fault for the division, not the Christian who is rightly and biblically warning against the false teacher.

I want to reassure you that it’s perfectly normal to prefer not to encounter people who have been abusive toward you, if that’s what happened when you talked to these women about Priscilla Shirer and Bethel. That’s not unbiblical or unChristlike. It’s true that Jesus “never ran from confrontation with the Pharisees” because He was a coward or because He didn’t know how to answer them, but it’s not something He enjoyed or looked forward to, either.

One thing I would encourage you to do is to, as objectively as you can – in prayer and perhaps with a discerning friend who will be totally honest with you – evaluate the manner in which you “called out” these teachers to these women.

On the one hand, there are many professing Christians who will become enraged and abusive no matter how kindly, compassionately, and gently you break the news that they are following false teachers. On the other hand, especially if we’re in the “cage stage” of discernment, the sense of urgency we feel to warn and protect others from false teachers can cause us to be something of a bull in a china shop.

So pray it out, talk it out, and if you discover that they were not only offended by the information you presented, but also by the way you presented it, repent and be ready, the next time you see them (or you may need to proactively reach out to them) to confess your unkindness, apologize, and ask their forgiveness for the way you approached them. You might say something like:

“Barbara and Jean, when we talked about Priscilla Shirer and Bethel, I was so concerned for you both that I sinfully failed to exercise self control. I spoke to you very rudely and unkindly, and that was wrong. I apologize and ask your forgiveness. If you would ever like any information about Priscilla Shirer and Bethel, please don’t hesitate to let me know, but even if not, I hope we can still be friends.”

After that – or, if in good conscience, you can say that you “called out” these teachers to these women as kindly and gently as you possibly could – if you run into these women out in the wild, just kindly say hello, maybe inquire after their families and make polite small talk for a moment, and then go on about your day.

Loving others enough to warn them of false teachers is nothing to be ashamed of nor to apologize for. It’s being obedient to Scripture.

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What do you think about a pastor taking a sabbatical?

That’s a good question. When I was a kid growing up in the church, I never heard of a pastor taking a sabbatical. Pastors worked year round (with normal vacation time, of course) for the duration of their careers just like everybody else did. Now it seems like it’s practically the norm for a pastor to take at least one sabbatical at some point during his career.

I’m not categorically against it. I think it’s something that should be evaluated on a case by case, pastor by pastor basis. How often is he wanting to take a sabbatical? Why does he want to take a sabbatical? How long is the sabbatical going to be?

Generally speaking, I don’t think a pastor needs to be taking a 2-3 month sabbatical every year. In a typical church, that seems like too much time away. Yes, someone can fill in and preach for those twelve Sundays, but that’s not all a pastor does. He’s also supposed to be shepherding and leading. Counseling, administrating, teaching, and discipling. And just generally being there when he’s needed.

But … I don’t know … 2-3 months every 7-15 years or something like that? Maybe that could be OK, depending on the reasons for the sabbatical, the pastor himself, and how the church is going to be shepherded in his absence. Maybe he needs uninterrupted time to finish a seminary degree, prevent burnout after a difficult season in the church, care for his dying wife, help another pastor plant a church, do overseas mission work, write a book… Those (and other scenarios) could all be perfectly good reasons for a pastor to take a sabbatical.

If there’s talk around the church of your pastor taking a sabbatical and you have concerns or questions, make an appointment with him or whichever elder is appropriate, and kindly and lovingly talk to him about it. Don’t make assumptions, harbor suspicions, jump to unkind conclusions, or gossip about it.

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I have a physical problem where I get very sick when exposed to chemical fragrances, air fresheners, & cleaning products. I have tried 3 churches, 2 of them very small, & people absolutely refuse to go without their perfumes & colognes for a couple of hours so I can attend church. (When exposed, I am sick for several days after exposure.) They take it very personally & become resentful towards me. 

First…trying to help them understand it isn’t that I don’t like the SMELL of their fragrance isn’t heard. In fact, many smell very good. Or trying to get them to understand how it drives me from church, fellowship & friendship isn’t considered. How would you handle it?

Second…Have you heard of anyone dealing with this & how they handled it? Did they become as isolated as I have? And when physical problems keep you from attending church, is that wrong in God’s eyes? Am I supposed to go anyway & suffer the illness it causes?

Oh dear, this sounds like a terribly debilitating issue. I’m not sure I have a solution, but maybe I can generate a few thoughts that could give you some ideas of things that could help.

First, have you done everything you possibly can to mitigate this situation? Have you asked your doctor if there’s any sort of medication, surgery, or any other medical intervention (possibly a mask or filter?) that could alleviate your symptoms? Have you asked him how other patients with this problem have handled being out in public?

Is there a support group, Facebook group, or other online consortium of people with this problem that you could join and ask advice from?

How do you handle going to the store, restaurants, work, flying, and other events or venues where people are wearing fragrances? Is there any way you can use the methods you use in those situations in church? (Sitting far away from people, wearing a mask, etc.)

Have you been praying that God will make a way for you to attend church without getting sick?

Assuming you’re doing everything you can on your part to avoid being an undue burden on others while being as faithful as you can to church attendance, I would suggest you pick the church you’d be most likely to join if this weren’t an issue, make an appointment with the pastor, and ask for his help. He may have an idea for how to handle things with the congregation that you haven’t thought of yet.

God sees you and understands your situation. He knows whether or not you’ve honestly done everything you can to be a faithful member of a local church. If you absolutely cannot attend church in some way without getting sick to the degree that it is life-debilitating, He gets that. Keep praying that He will heal you, keep studying the Word and communing with other Christians as best you can, and keep doing everything you can to work toward attending church if and when it becomes possible.

Readers- If you have a solution or any constructive advice for the lady who asked this question, please comment below. Has this situation happened at your church? If so, how did your pastor handle it?

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If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.