Complementarianism

Throwback Thursday ~ Solving Misogyny- You’re Doing It Wrong

Originally published June 8, 2018

Not an endorsement for this movie, just illustrative of the point of this article.

If God is the God of Romans 8:28…

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

…then Satan is the god of the anti-Romans 8:28. He wants to twist anything and everything that’s the least little bit good into harm, especially for those who are called according to God’s purpose.

Several very good things have come out of the #MeToo and #ChurchToo movements. Many victims who previously kept silent out of fear and shame have found the courage to tell their stories and begin healing. We’ve had the opportunity to offer them comfort and encouragement through the gospel. Churches have become more aware of how widespread the problem of abuse is and have begun to respond accordingly. In several cases, abusers have been exposed and brought to justice.

Unfortunately, Satan has also used this movement to harm people. False accusations have been made against innocent individuals. Sweeping accusations have been made against Christian men in general. And now, perhaps worst of all, there are rumblings afoot to right the wrongs of real, and imagined, misogyny by “empowering” Christian women and giving us greater, often unbiblical, positions of church and denominational leadership, either as reparations for past mistreatment of women or prophylaxis against future mistreatment of women, or both. (Pastor Tom Buck wrote an excellent series of articles on this – part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4 – which I urge you to read for more details.)

Don’t fall for it, ladies. This is Eden all over again.

Don’t fall for it, ladies. This is Eden all over again.

In the same way that God created a very good tree, planted it in the midst of the Garden, and put a “do not eat” fence around it, God also created the very good “tree” of Christian leadership, planted it in the midst of the church, and put a 1 Timothy 2:12 fence around it.

God’s restrictions about the tree of the knowledge of good and evil were minimal: don’t eat from it. Eve was free to sit in its shade, admire its beauty, fertilize it, plant flowers around it, pretty much anything, except eat from it. And that one restriction is what Satan used to tempt her to sin.

For women, God’s restrictions on church leadership are also minimal: don’t instruct men in the Scriptures and don’t exercise authority over men. That’s literally all there is to it. There are scrillions of ways women can – and must – serve the Body of Christ without getting anywhere near that fence. But these two small restrictions are what Satan is using to tempt us to sin. And, unfortunately, this time, instead of approaching Eve in the form of a serpent, he’s approaching Christian women in the form of the sinful or misinformed words and ideas of pastors and Christian leaders. “Did God really say you can’t have that particular position of leadership?”

But there’s another issue at play here that needs some airing out.

Power. Leadership. These are the ideals that are being touted as the way to lift women up. Is that what Jesus taught? Is that the example He set? No. Jesus taught and exemplified humility, lowliness, and servanthood:

But they kept silent, for on the way they had argued with one another about who was the greatest. And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, โ€œIf anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.โ€
Mark 9:34-35

But Jesus called them to him and said, โ€œYou know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.โ€
Matthew 20:25-28

When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, โ€œDo you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.
John 13:12-15

God doesn’t think the way we think. We think that the only way someone can be valued and heard is if she has power and prestige in the eyes of her fellow humans. That’s where this “empower women and give them positions of leadership” idea is coming from. It is a worldly way of thinking.

God’s way of thinking about this is that we are already intrinsically valuable in His eyes because we are made in His image. Being valued by God is so infinitely more significant than being valued by other humans, that how we look to others shouldn’t even register on our radar. Letting go of what other people think of us frees us up to live in the holy gratitude to God that says, “It is my joy to serve You because I love You. I will live like Jesus no matter what I have to give up, no matter how much I suffer, no matter how humbling it is. You are worthy of my self-abasement.”

He must increase, but I must decrease.
John 3:30

I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
Psalm 84:10b

In God’s economy, the way to greatness is to be a slave. The way to fame is anonymity. The way to exaltation is humility. Why are Christian women being encouraged to stand up and demand the seat at the head of the table instead of being encouraged to give up their seats for others, serve those at the table, even clean up after the meal? What do these Christian leaders want for women – that they find favor with man or that they find favor with God? Orchestrating outward appearances, such as giving women positions of unbiblical leadership, is merely attempting to fix the very real problem of women being sinned against by putting another coat of whitewash on the outside of a tomb that’s full of dead men’s bones. You don’t fix one sin by creating another. You clean out the tomb.

Orchestrating outward appearances is simply putting another coat of whitewash on the outside of a tomb that’s full of dead men’s bones. You don’t fix one sin by creating another. You clean out the tomb.

In any instance in which women are being sinned against by men, the answer is not to “elevate” women to improper places of leadership. The answer is to exercise biblical church discipline against the men and disciple both the men and the women to humbly serve Christ and the church in accordance with God’s Word. Broken, sinful men do not need to hear what broken, sinful women think about how women should be treated. They both need to hear what the holy, almighty God who created men and women has to say about how women should be treated. And the way God has structured leadership in the church, the responsibility of teaching what God’s Word says about this or any other issue falls primarily to the pastor.

Broken, sinful men do not need to hear what broken, sinful women think about how women should be treated. They both need to hear what the Creator of men and women has to say about how women should be treated.

That’s especially of note in this particular situation. Why would these Christian leaders further burden women they consider mistreated with any part of the responsibility of fixing their mistreatment? Why aren’t they instead urging pastors to step up to the plate and properly train the men of their churches to regard and treat women in a godly way?

Encouraging women who have already been victimized to act in ungodly ways is just victimizing them all over again; this time, spiritually.

This whole idea of solving the problem of alleged misogyny in the church with an “I am woman, hear me roar” groundswell is backwards, wrong, and – ironically – man-centered. And encouraging women who have already been victimized to act in ungodly ways is just victimizing them all over again, this time; spiritually. As the Body of Christ, we must be Christ-centered. God has given us all of the necessary instructions for handling problems in the church and between Believers in His Word. We need only to follow them. And Him. Let’s do this right, church.

Church, Sermons

What the Bible Says About Church Membership

“The Bible doesn’t say Christians have to join a church.”

Are you sure about that? Because most people who say that don’t seem to know their Bibles very well. They’d probably know a lot more about what the Bible does and doesn’t say about joining a church if they were joined to a solid local church.

If you’ve been around the blog for a while, you’ve probably heard me say:

Christian, you need to be a faithful, invested member of a doctrinally sound local church.

You might have noticed that, often, my first instruction to a new Christian or a sister seeking counsel is to find a doctrinally sound church to join.

One of my most shared resources is the Searching for a new church? tab in the blue menu bar at the top of this page.

Maybe you’ve even explored some of my materials explaining how crucial church membership and faithful attendance are, such as…

Six Ways Not to Forsake the Assembly

7 Reasons Church is Not Optional and Non-Negotiable for Christians

A Word Fitly Spoken Podcast: Is This Church for You? with Michelle Lesley and Amy Spreeman

…just to name a few

But just why is church membership so important? What does the Bible really teach about church membership?

Today, I’m going to turn things over to my pastor, Dr. Lewis Richerson, to explain. Below is an excellent three part sermon series he preached earlier this year on church membership. I found it very helpful and interesting, and I hope you will, too.


Is Joining a Church Biblical?


Church Membership as Covenant


Meaningful Church Membership

Mailbag

The Mailbag: She’s single and pregnant by IVF. How do I respond?

In our church, there is a single Christian lady in her mid 30โ€™s who has no man in her life, who got pregnant through IVF. She is not lesbian. She wanted desperately to have a baby and didnโ€™t want to wait for the adoption process so got pregnant by IVF. After 6 tries, she was successful and is now 7 months along and proud of her baby โ€œbumpโ€.

Our Pastor is new to our congregation and may not be aware of how this lady became pregnant.

I as a part of the congregation I am not sure how to handle this process or speak to her about it after the fact.

Some other ladies her own age are so excited for her and congratulating her etc. What she has done is not biblical. She has posted her whole process of getting pregnant on Facebook, which I also donโ€™t agree with. She has received so many words of encouragement and congratulations.

How should I deal with this now that it has already happened? If they organize a baby shower โ€“ I will not attend but want to be Christianly about this. Can you give me some ideas of what to say?

When you’re invited, graciously say, “Thank you for the invitation, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it.”. Period. That’s all that needs to be said. Let me explain why.

First, hear me when I say I completely agree with you that what this woman did was selfish and ungodly. We don’t bear children to please ourselves, achieve a goal, or self-actualize, especially when we intentionally create a situation in which a child will not have a father. There’s a reason God set the family up the way He did – marriage first, then children, with a mother and a father in the home – because that is what is best for us and what brings Him the most glory.1 What this lady did was to deliberately rebel against God’s design for the family, one of His two bedrock institutions (the other being the church).

Now all of that being said, and knowing that I’m on your side, I need to say something that might not be easy to hear. Even though I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, your email comes across to me – a disinterested party to the situation, and someone who agrees with you – as dripping with judgment and potential gossip. That’s why I think you should simply and politely decline the invitation to the shower and say no more. Because if your email comes across to me that way, imagine how anything you have to say about this situation is going to come across to this woman, her friends, your church, or your pastor.

Our Pastor is new to our congregation and may not be aware of how this lady became pregnant.

You don’t need to be the one to inform him unless he asks you point blank, “How did this woman get pregnant?”. And believe me, if he’s been there longer than a week or two, some talebearer in the church has already told him and he knows.

I as a part of the congregation I am not sure how to handle this process or speak to her about it after the fact…How should I deal with this now that it has already happened?

There is no “process” for you to “handle” as a member of the congregation, and there is nothing you need to say to her about it after the fact, unless she personally comes to you and asks you for your input on what she did. Had she asked for your advice and wisdom while she was considering IVF, or even after attempts 1-6, it would have been fine for you to counsel her against it at that point, but at this point, she can’t go back in time and undo what she did, and it sounds like she’s not asking for your advice.

The way you should deal with this now that it’s already happened is to love her and be kind to her. And if you find that difficult, ask God to help you love her and be kind to her, the same way Jesus loved and was kind to sinners. Something I often pray is, “Lord, please help me see people the way You see them, think about people the way You think about them, and love them the way You love them.”. I’m not very good at doing those things, but God is, and He helps me.

You should also bear in mind – another potential “ouch” here, sorry – that if you are, indeed, harboring judgment or disdain for this woman in your heart, or nursing a desire to gossip to the pastor about it (and I can’t say whether you are or not – that’s something you’ll have to get alone with the Lord and examine your own heart about), those are sins, too. If this is the case, you’re just as guilty of sin as she is, though in a different way. Truly grasping this may make it easier to bear with her and be more humbly compassionate toward her.

…walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

Ephesians 4:1b-2

Now, let me zoom out from the specifics of this particular situation, and say that there is a bigger picture issue here that you might actually need to do something about. If this lady has been a member of the church for any significant amount of time and claims to be born again, it’s concerning that the church environment is such that she would feel comfortable and godly even considering IVF as a single woman, much less actually doing it and shamelessly broadcasting it all over social media.

In a doctrinally sound church, she would have been well trained enough in the Scriptures to know she shouldn’t do this. And if she did start talking about it and start the IVF process, she would have had other godly women in the church that she was close to come alongside her and counsel her against it. And if she pursued it despite their counsel, the second, and, eventually, third and final step of church discipline would have been carried out.

The fact that none of this seems to have happened may indicate that you’re not in a very doctrinally sound church. If you think that’s the case, there is something you can do: find another local church that’s doctrinally sound and join it.

Church situations like this can be sticky with no clear cut answers. We want to be loving but not to appear as though we condone sin. It’s so encouraging that, even though you seem to be struggling with how to respond – as I’m sure any of us would – the bottom line is that you desire to respond in a godly way. I know it’s hard, and I’m taking a moment to pray that God will give you wisdom and grace.


1Yes, dear readers, I understand that sometimes unavoidable things like the death of a spouse or divorce happen and you involuntarily find yourself in a single parenting situation. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about God’s ideal design and a person who is deliberately rebelling against it.


If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (Iโ€™ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition ofย The Mailbag) or send me anย e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

Mailbag

The Mailbag: Potpourri (Michelle’s personal info… Female apologists… Cardinals are dead loved ones?… MacArthur a Mason?)

Welcome to another โ€œpotpourriโ€ edition of The Mailbag, where I give short(er) answers to several questions rather than a long answer to one question.

I like to take the opportunity in these potpourri editions to let new readers know about my comments/e-mail/messages policy. Iโ€™m not able to respond individually to most e-mails and messages, so here are some helpful hints for getting your questions answered more quickly. Remember, the search bar (at the very bottom of each page) can be a helpful tool!

Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.


Could I get your home address? I have some questions that I don’t want on the internet.

Where do you live? What church do you go to?

Have you ever gotten an email or DM/PM from someone you don’t know asking for personal information out of the blue like that? I have.

I love all of my followers and I love that by following me, reading my blog, listening to my podcast, etc., you feel a kinship, maybe even a friendship, with me. I dearly wish we could all be friends in person – and if you’re a genuinely regenerated Believer, one day we will be – for eternity! I can’t wait!

But while we’re on this broken, sinful earth, I’ve heard all the same “stranger on the internet” horror stories you have, along with the warnings not to give out personal information to said strangers.

That’s why my Contact and Social Media page – the only place I’m aware of where my email address is available – clearly says in the very first sentence (right under “Important information. Please read before e-mailing“):

I handle all correspondence with readers via email or social media private message (i.e. no phone calls or snail mail).

The next paragraph begins:

I regret I am unable to answer most emails/PMsย unrelated to speaking engagements, andย Iย cannot engage in discipleship or counseling relationshipsย with individual readers via email/PM.

In addition to the fact that I don’t have the time that’s required to engage in email relationships (I’m sorry, I wish I did.), if you need one-on-one counsel or discipleship God’s plan is the local church, not the internet. It’s not right for me to get between you and your pastor or you and a Titus 2 older woman at your church, and it wouldn’t be the best for your spiritual growth, either. This is just one of the dozens of reasons it’s imperative that you be a faithful member of a doctrinally sound local church.

I’m honored (I mean that!) that any of y’all would want me to answer your questions individually or give you personal counsel, but even if I could, it wouldn’t be God’s design or what’s best for you. And for safety reasons, although I’m sure none of you have sinister motives, I have no way of knowing whether you’re you or some whacko is impersonating you, so if you ask for personal information from me, it’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just that I don’t know you, so you’re unlikely to receive a reply.


What are your thoughts on female apologists? Do we treat them the same as “female pastors”? These women frequently speak at mixed gender conferences on Biblical topics. I question, though, what’s the difference between letting a woman get behind the pulpit at a Saturday conference for both genders versus a Sunday morning?

That’s a very good question – one many more Christians should be asking – and the answer is, “There isn’t a difference.”. If something is a sin on Sunday morning, it’s just as much of a sin on Saturday afternoon, Tuesday at midnight, or Thursday at brunch.

It doesn’t matter what a woman’s title is Wait, that’s not quite accurate. It does matter if a woman bears the title of pastor, overseer, elder, bishop, or the title of any other biblical office or position that Scripture restricts to men. There is never a time when it’s biblical for a woman to bear such a title. Why? Because if she bears the title of, say, “pastor,” and she’s doing the job of a pastor, she’s sinning by violating Scripture’s prohibition against women pastors. If she bears the title of “pastor” and she’s not doing the job of a pastor, then her title is a lie, which is also a sin.

But beyond those biblical titles and offices (for example: there’s no biblical office or position of apologist, conference speaker, etc.), it doesn’t matter what a woman’s title is. What matters is whether or not she’s violating Scripture by teaching men in the gathering of the Body. When the Body is gathered for teaching and/or preaching, whether that’s on a Sunday morning for church, on a Saturday at a Christian conference, or whatever the day, situation, event, or venue, women are not to instruct men in the Scriptures. Period. I don’t care what she calls herself, what she says she’s trying to do, or who gave her permission to do it. God’s Word doesn’t give her permission, and she’s violating Scripture.

When the Body is gathered for teaching and/or preaching, whatever the day, situation, event, or venue, women are not to instruct men in the Scriptures. Period.

A couple of resources you may find helpful:

Rock Your Role: Jill in the Pulpit

Rock Your Role FAQs

Fencing Off the Forbidden Fruit Tree


How can we minister to unbelievers who believe cardinals are loved ones visiting1, or other signs they believe are their lost loved ones communicating with them?

To those of us who have been saved a long time and have never run into this idea culturally, it seems silly and laughable. But try to remember how scary death and the afterlife seemed before you got saved. Lost people have no way of making sense of death. No hope and peace of an eternity with Christ. Of course they make up ridiculosities like “There’s just nothingness after you die,” or “Everybody goes to Heaven” … or cardinals. They’re trying to comfort themselves, and this is the best that fallen mankind has been able to come up with. Only Jesus makes sense of death and eternity.

Only Jesus makes sense of death and eternity.

Most people who remark on the appearance of a cardinal this way probably “believe” it about as much as they “believe” there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or “step on a crack, break your mother’s back,” or that they’ll really have seven years’ bad luck if they break a mirror. It’s just something people once heard somewhere and they say it so they’ll have something to say at the moment.

So the first thing I’d probably do is say something like, “Oh really? I’ve never heard that before. Where does that belief come from?” or “Very interesting. Why do you believe that?”. And listen. Being interested in someone’s beliefs not only demonstrates that you care about her, but it’ll give you a better grasp of where she’s coming from, spiritually (maybe she really does believe cardinals embody the spirits of the dead), and hopefully it will give you an opportunity to share the gospel with her. And that’s what she desperately needs if she believes this cardinal ma-lark-ey. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!) :0)

1In case it’s not obvious, this is not a Christian site and I’m not recommending it for anything other than the explanation of this superstition.


I listen to John MacArthurโ€™s podcast daily. I love his study Bible and have learned so much from him. A friend recently sent me [a link from a so-called discernment site]. Are you aware of Pastor MacArthur having any ties to the Free Masons? Praying for discernment. Thank you for your help and guidance.

I’m so glad you’re seeking to be discerning rather than just believing whatever random thing you’ve heard on the internet. Good on ya!

This is just one of the many silly false accusations about John MacArthur that are floating around out there. (Frankly, by now, I’m kind of surprised nobody has accused him of being a robot from Mars.) But why believe me? Listen to Dr. MacArthur in his own words:

But I’m really glad you asked, because this is a great opportunity for me to share a couple of quick discernment tips with everyone:

  • Consider the source. Ever heard that before? It’s certainly true of blogs and news sites and discernment ministries. Some are reliable and trustworthy. Some are not. If you’re not sure, don’t just blindly trust the information from that site, especially if it’s largely speculation, conjecture, opinion, or just plain sounds nutty (or is backed up only by other sites fitting that description). Do your homework. Use sources you know to be trustworthy that are backed up by Scripture and other trustworthy sites.

    (Personally – and this is the kind of thing you learn from experience, so it never hurts to reach out to somebody like me and ask if you’re new to this discernment stuff – I would never trust a website named GodIsTerrible dot whatever – the website shared with the reader who sent in the question. I know it’s based on part of a KJV Bible verse, but I don’t really care what the blogger’s motive was for choosing that domain name. Without context, it’s blasphemous and deliberately deceptive, and that’s not someone I’d consider trustworthy on anything biblical.)
  • Straight from the horse’s mouth. If you want to know what someone believes, it’s always best to go straight to the source, particularly if it’s someone you know or have reasonable access to. If it’s someone you don’t have easy direct access to, like Dr. MacArthur, go to his website, find the search bar, and start searching. You can even use an internet search engine. I found the video above by typing “John MacArthur masons” into Google. It was the second hit.

Keep up the great work of being a good Berean!


If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (Iโ€™ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.

OHCW Women's Conference

OHCW22 Womenโ€™s Conference ~ Day 5

Who’s excited for Open Hearts in a Closed World? I am!

If you’re not familiar with OHCW, it’s a FREE annual online women’s conference. It has been my privilege to be one of the speakers each year since its inception.

Join us for OHCW22 – a FREE online women’s conference all this week, July 11-15. Watch and get all the details here!

All of the conference details are below. Here’s today’s teaching session (Remember, teaching session videos will not be available until 8:30 a.m. Central each day, but will remain available indefinitely.):

Some (not all) of this week’s teaching sessions have accompanying handouts:

No handouts for today’s Q&A, but here is the
podcast series on modesty that I mentioned during the Q&A.


Missed a day of this week’s conference? Click below to catch up!

Day 1 (Monday)
Day 2 (Tuesday)
Day 3 (Wednesday)
Day 4 (Thursday)


The theme of this year’s conference is Spiritual Sisterhood: Going Beyond the Facade, so each of our speakers will center their teaching around what it means to be godly, genuine sisters in Christ.

OHCW 2022 Speakers:

Find out more about each speaker here.

Where and When to Watch:

The conference will run each day this week, July 11-15, Monday – Friday, 8:30 a.m. – 11:00 a.m. (Central time), and “attending” is as easy as watching your favorite TV show! There’s no cost, no registration – just tune in starting at 8:30 (Central) each morning. You can even watch the recordings later, if that’s more convenient, as the videos of each session will remain posted.

I’ll post the YouTube version of each day’s teaching session so you can watch it here on the blog if you like. Or, if you prefer, you can watch directly on…

YouTube, AGTV, or Exposit the Word.

Daily Schedule:

This year, we’re so pleased to have the TMU Chapel Band from The Master’s University leading us in worship each day.

Here’s the teaching schedule for each day of the conference:

For more information:

For more conference details, check out the OHCW website, follow Open Hearts in a Closed World on Instagram, or join the OHCW Facebook group and ask the conference organizers directly.

I hope you’ll join us each day this week
for Open Hearts in a Closed World 2022!


Can’t get enough? Here’s a little “throwback” to last year’s conference sessions!