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The Single’s Advantage
by Bob Wheatley
I used to think Paul was ridiculous.
He was God’s chosen apostle, a mouthpiece to the Gentiles, yet I somehow still found him offensive. What caused me to scoff at this heralded saint? It was not the beatings, the shipwrecks, or the hardships he faced. It was not his devotion, conversion, or capacity for love. Oh no. My contempt for this man stemmed from one page of Scripture, and a teaching that I loathed to my core.
Addressing the Christians at the church of Corinth, the apostle Paul once wrote:
“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am … I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided … I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. —1 Corinthians 7:8, 32–34, 35 ESV
I could not believe what my eyes were reading. How could anyone believe that being single is better than being married? That thought seemed so foreign, so impossible to me, that it actually caused me to doubt my own level of faith.
If I couldn’t be joyful in singleness, then was my faith far weaker than I thought it was? Was I less of a Christian if I struggled with singleness?
But then, sure enough, my excuses came to the rescue. I knew that Paul had navigated his entire ministry without a woman at his side, but the truth is, Paul had a connection to the Lord that we cannot fathom—and all for good reason, of course.
The risen Jesus had physically appeared to Paul on the road to Damascus (Acts 9). As most theologians will attest, it was also Paul who had seen God, face-to-face, when he was caught up into the third heaven (2 Corinthians 12).
Those excuses were my reason to not take Paul’s words seriously.
Who knows, Paul? I joked to myself. Maybe even I could forsake companionship, sex, and the blessings of marriage if I too had been snatched into heaven!
But that wasn’t true. If I’m being honest, I did not want to go deeper with God.
I really just wanted a wife.
Without experiencing a miraculous vision on the road to Damascus, I would not allow Paul’s words to dissuade me.
But then, everything turned upside down.
My Hero of the Faith
One afternoon, I was reading a book by Eric Metaxas1. The book was called Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy. This book told the story of a German pastor, living during World War II under the Nazi regime. The name of this German was Dietrich Bonhoeffer1, and his testimony would change my life.
I had never experienced a book like Bonhoeffer.
Like most readers, I often resonate with characters in a book in some form or fashion. It is one of the things I love most about books. Whether fiction or fact, novel or biography, I find nuggets and nuances that can bind me to characters.
It was C. S. Lewis2 who once said, “In reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself.” And yet, my reading of Bonhoeffer felt deeper than that.
With nearly every word I read, I saw a clearer and clearer reflection of myself. It never stopped! Whispers and subtlety soon gave way to weirdness.
Dietrich’s spirit, habits, passions, and faults—somehow, I possessed them all:
- His mind operated in black and white
- His tongue often spoke in absolutes
- His bedroom, like mine, was fit for a Spartan
In this young, fiery pastor, I had found a more righteous, more accomplished, more intelligent version of me.
Though separated by time and a great many miles, I had found my new hero of the faith. But the game would soon turn sour.
The Single’s Advantage
I soon came across a different quote, and it ended my honeymoon instantly. This quote was made by another pastor who was a mentor and friend of Bonhoeffer’s.
He found the young Dietrich to be “quite outstanding,” and he praised him with the utmost enthusiasm. But it was the subsequent line, coming just one sentence later, that challenged my view of the world.
Still speaking of Bonhoeffer, the pastor said:
“He has in addition the special Pauline advantage in that he is unmarried.”
The Pauline what?
There I was, reading Bonhoeffer, still enchanted by a wiser and much grander “me,” only to be confronted by my greatest private struggle. Like Bonhoeffer before me, I, too, was unmarried. My extended season of singleness—which had lasted for years at that point—felt like more of a punishment than a “Pauline advantage.”
And yet, there I was, reading of another man—and a godly man, at that—who affirmed Paul’s words from 1 Corinthians 7. Heckel praised Dietrich Bonhoeffer because he was single.
How could that possibly be?
As I pondered that question, I considered Paul’s words that had irked me so much. “I say this for your own benefit,” he had said to his readers. And what benefit did he say that singleness could bring?
“An undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:35 ESV).
Paul’s words had presented a fork in the road. They forced me to wrestle with some sensitive questions: Could I call myself a Christian while ignoring Paul’s letter? How might my life have to change if his opinions were true? And then, the most dangerous question of all:
What if my singleness was an advantage?
That was the day my quest began. I had made my decision, right then and there, to simply take Paul at his word. I would try to find purpose in my season of singleness.
Top Three Advantages of Being Single
What happened next was nothing short of radical. I decided that I would no longer be consumed with seeking a wife. Instead, my focus would be much simpler than that: I simply would focus on Jesus.
Day by day, I saw my character being changed from the inside out. What once felt like torture turned into a blessing.
I ended up writing an entire book on the subject, but here are the three top “advantages” that I’ve found in my singleness:
1. MORE TIME FOR GOD
The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.” —1 Corinthians 7:32-34 ESV
I have a number of newly-married friends who have affirmed this reality for me.
Sometimes, these friends simply do not have the time to read their Bibles in the morning. They lose out on quiet time. They can’t pray as much as they did while unmarried.
The single Christian—although potentially facing more loneliness—certainly has more time to seek the Lord.
Are you taking advantage of the time that you have?
2. MORE TIME FOR YOU
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” —Ephesians 2:10 ESV
Relationships take up a lot of time. In both dating and marriage relationships alike, our time must be shared with the person at our side.
When our interests are “divided,” we have less time in the day to serve our church, discover our passions, develop our skills, advance professionally, or wait on the Lord to reveal His will.
In your season of singleness, you have the unique ability to discover your gifts, talents, passions, and burdens.
What works do you think God has “prepared in advance” for you? Ask Him to guide you to His will for your life!
3. MORE TIME FOR SUFFERING
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. —Hebrews 12:11 ESV
I realize that this claim might feel stark, but stick with me here.
Make no mistake, it is actually suffering, not pleasure, that develops our character into holiness.
In fact, Hebrews 2:10 even says that Jesus Himself was made perfect through suffering.
By walking through our seasons of singleness, God is molding and shaping us into His image.
All pain is painful, but not all pain is harmful.
You can trust your Father to make the most of this season.
Final Thoughts
Thanks to the apostle Paul and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I took a radical approach to my season of singleness. I made a concerted effort to give Jesus my heart. Nothing was off limits. Everything was His. My heart, soul, mind, and strength were focused on the One that I longed for.
What I had not realized before is that in my season of singleness, God has given me the time and space to seek Him, walk with Him, and grow my trust in Him.
And then, one day, after months and years of seeking the Lord, the reality finally hit me: I was living the Pauline advantage.
And now, you can be as well.
1Note from Michelle: There are doctrinal/biblical issues with both Eric Metaxas and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which the reader may research on her own if she wishes. The publication of this guest post should not be construed as my recommendation of either of these men as doctrinally sound teachers to follow.
2 Note from Michelle: C.S. Lewis
Bob Wheatley is a bestselling author, keynote speaker, and former professional athlete. His work has been featured on Way-FM, The FISH, KCBI Christian Radio, ESPN, FOX Sports, and various other international outlets. He lives in Nashville, Tennessee.
Bob has graciously offered the audiobook version of his book, Single-Minded: Finding Purpose & Strength in Your Season of Singleness, free of charge to my readers. Thank you, Bob! Click HERE to download.
