“The Bible doesn’t say Christians have to join a church.”
Are you sure about that? Because most people who say that don’t seem to know their Bibles very well. They’d probably know a lot more about what the Bible does and doesn’t say about joining a church if they were joined to a solid local church.
If you’ve been around the blog for a while, you’ve probably heard me say:
Christian, you need to be a faithful, invested member of a doctrinally sound local church.
But just why is church membership so important? What does the Bible really teach about church membership?
Today, I’m going to turn things over to my pastor, Dr. Lewis Richerson, to explain. Below is an excellent three part sermon series he preached earlier this year on church membership. I found it very helpful and interesting, and I hope you will, too.
In our church, there is a single Christian lady in her mid 30’s who has no man in her life, who got pregnant through IVF. She is not lesbian. She wanted desperately to have a baby and didn’t want to wait for the adoption process so got pregnant by IVF. After 6 tries, she was successful and is now 7 months along and proud of her baby “bump”.
Our Pastor is new to our congregation and may not be aware of how this lady became pregnant.
I as a part of the congregation I am not sure how to handle this process or speak to her about it after the fact.
Some other ladies her own age are so excited for her and congratulating her etc. What she has done is not biblical. She has posted her whole process of getting pregnant on Facebook, which I also don’t agree with. She has received so many words of encouragement and congratulations.
How should I deal with this now that it has already happened? If they organize a baby shower – I will not attend but want to be Christianly about this. Can you give me some ideas of what to say?
When you’re invited, graciously say, “Thank you for the invitation, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to make it.”. Period. That’s all that needs to be said. Let me explain why.
First, hear me when I say I completely agree with you that what this woman did was selfish and ungodly. We don’t bear children to please ourselves, achieve a goal, or self-actualize, especially when we intentionally create a situation in which a child will not have a father. There’s a reason God set the family up the way He did – marriage first, then children, with a mother and a father in the home – because that is what is best for us and what brings Him the most glory.1 What this lady did was to deliberately rebel against God’s design for the family, one of His two bedrock institutions (the other being the church).
Now all of that being said, and knowing that I’m on your side, I need to say something that might not be easy to hear. Even though I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way, your email comes across to me – a disinterested party to the situation, and someone who agrees with you – as dripping with judgment and potential gossip. That’s why I think you should simply and politely decline the invitation to the shower and say no more. Because if your email comes across to me that way, imagine how anything you have to say about this situation is going to come across to this woman, her friends, your church, or your pastor.
Our Pastor is new to our congregation and may not be aware of how this lady became pregnant.
You don’t need to be the one to inform him unless he asks you point blank, “How did this woman get pregnant?”. And believe me, if he’s been there longer than a week or two, some talebearer in the church has already told him and he knows.
I as a part of the congregation I am not sure how to handle this process or speak to her about it after the fact…How should I deal with this now that it has already happened?
There is no “process” for you to “handle” as a member of the congregation, and there is nothing you need to say to her about it after the fact, unless she personally comes to you and asks you for your input on what she did. Had she asked for your advice and wisdom while she was considering IVF, or even after attempts 1-6, it would have been fine for you to counsel her against it at that point, but at this point, she can’t go back in time and undo what she did, and it sounds like she’s not asking for your advice.
The way you should deal with this now that it’s already happened is to love her and be kind to her. And if you find that difficult, ask God to help you love her and be kind to her, the same way Jesus loved and was kind to sinners. Something I often pray is, “Lord, please help me see people the way You see them, think about people the way You think about them, and love them the way You love them.”. I’m not very good at doing those things, but God is, and He helps me.
You should also bear in mind – another potential “ouch” here, sorry – that if you are, indeed, harboring judgment or disdain for this woman in your heart, or nursing a desire to gossip to the pastor about it (and I can’t say whether you are or not – that’s something you’ll have to get alone with the Lord and examine your own heart about), those are sins, too. If this is the case, you’re just as guilty of sin as she is, though in a different way. Truly grasping this may make it easier to bear with her and be more humbly compassionate toward her.
…walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,
Ephesians 4:1b-2
Now, let me zoom out from the specifics of this particular situation, and say that there is a bigger picture issue here that you might actually need to do something about. If this lady has been a member of the church for any significant amount of time and claims to be born again, it’s concerning that the church environment is such that she would feel comfortable and godly even considering IVF as a single woman, much less actually doing it and shamelessly broadcasting it all over social media.
In a doctrinally sound church, she would have been well trained enough in the Scriptures to know she shouldn’t do this. And if she did start talking about it and start the IVF process, she would have had other godly women in the church that she was close to come alongside her and counsel her against it. And if she pursued it despite their counsel, the second, and, eventually, third and final step of church discipline would have been carried out.
Church situations like this can be sticky with no clear cut answers. We want to be loving but not to appear as though we condone sin. It’s so encouraging that, even though you seem to be struggling with how to respond – as I’m sure any of us would – the bottom line is that you desire to respond in a godly way. I know it’s hard, and I’m taking a moment to pray that God will give you wisdom and grace.
1Yes, dear readers, I understand that sometimes unavoidable things like the death of a spouse or divorce happen and you involuntarily find yourself in a single parenting situation. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about God’s ideal design and a person who is deliberately rebelling against it.
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
Or maybe I answered your question already? Check out my article The Mailbag: Top 10 FAQs to see if your question has been answered and to get some helpful resources.
Could I get your home address? I have some questions that I don’t want on the internet.
Where do you live? What church do you go to?
Have you ever gotten an email or DM/PM from someone you don’t know asking for personal information out of the blue like that? I have.
I love all of my followers and I love that by following me, reading my blog, listening to my podcast, etc., you feel a kinship, maybe even a friendship, with me. I dearly wish we could all be friends in person – and if you’re a genuinely regenerated Believer, one day we will be – for eternity! I can’t wait!
But while we’re on this broken, sinful earth, I’ve heard all the same “stranger on the internet” horror stories you have, along with the warnings not to give out personal information to said strangers.
That’s why my Contact and Social Media page – the only place I’m aware of where my email address is available – clearly says in the very first sentence (right under “Important information. Please read before e-mailing“):
I handle all correspondence with readers via email or social media private message (i.e. no phone calls or snail mail).
The next paragraph begins:
I regret I am unable to answer most emails/PMs unrelated to speaking engagements, and I cannot engage in discipleship or counseling relationships with individual readers via email/PM.
In addition to the fact that I don’t have the time that’s required to engage in email relationships (I’m sorry, I wish I did.), if you need one-on-one counsel or discipleship God’s plan is the local church, not the internet. It’s not right for me to get between you and your pastor or you and a Titus 2 older woman at your church, and it wouldn’t be the best for your spiritual growth, either. This is just one of the dozens of reasons it’s imperative that you be a faithful member of a doctrinally sound local church.
I’m honored (I mean that!) that any of y’all would want me to answer your questions individually or give you personal counsel, but even if I could, it wouldn’t be God’s design or what’s best for you. And for safety reasons, although I’m sure none of you have sinister motives, I have no way of knowing whether you’re you or some whacko is impersonating you, so if you ask for personal information from me, it’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just that I don’t know you, so you’re unlikely to receive a reply.
What are your thoughts on female apologists? Do we treat them the same as “female pastors”? These women frequently speak at mixed gender conferences on Biblical topics. I question, though, what’s the difference between letting a woman get behind the pulpit at a Saturday conference for both genders versus a Sunday morning?
That’s a very good question – one many more Christians should be asking – and the answer is, “There isn’t a difference.”. If something is a sin on Sunday morning, it’s just as much of a sin on Saturday afternoon, Tuesday at midnight, or Thursday at brunch.
It doesn’t matter what a woman’s title is Wait, that’s not quite accurate. It does matter if a woman bears the title of pastor, overseer, elder, bishop, or the title of any other biblical office or position that Scripture restricts to men. There is never a time when it’s biblical for a woman to bear such a title. Why? Because if she bears the title of, say, “pastor,” and she’s doing the job of a pastor, she’s sinning by violating Scripture’s prohibition against women pastors. If she bears the title of “pastor” and she’s not doing the job of a pastor, then her title is a lie, which is also a sin.
But beyond those biblical titles and offices (for example: there’s no biblical office or position of apologist, conference speaker, etc.), it doesn’t matter what a woman’s title is. What matters is whether or not she’s violating Scripture by teaching men in the gathering of the Body. When the Body is gathered for teaching and/or preaching, whether that’s on a Sunday morning for church, on a Saturday at a Christian conference, or whatever the day, situation, event, or venue, women are not to instruct men in the Scriptures. Period. I don’t care what she calls herself, what she says she’s trying to do, or who gave her permission to do it. God’s Word doesn’t give her permission, and she’s violating Scripture.
When the Body is gathered for teaching and/or preaching, whatever the day, situation, event, or venue, women are not to instruct men in the Scriptures. Period.
How can we minister to unbelievers who believe cardinals are loved ones visiting1, or other signs they believe are their lost loved ones communicating with them?
To those of us who have been saved a long time and have never run into this idea culturally, it seems silly and laughable. But try to remember how scary death and the afterlife seemed before you got saved. Lost people have no way of making sense of death. No hope and peace of an eternity with Christ. Of course they make up ridiculosities like “There’s just nothingness after you die,” or “Everybody goes to Heaven” … or cardinals. They’re trying to comfort themselves, and this is the best that fallen mankind has been able to come up with. Only Jesus makes sense of death and eternity.
Most people who remark on the appearance of a cardinal this way probably “believe” it about as much as they “believe” there’s a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or “step on a crack, break your mother’s back,” or that they’ll really have seven years’ bad luck if they break a mirror. It’s just something people once heard somewhere and they say it so they’ll have something to say at the moment.
So the first thing I’d probably do is say something like, “Oh really? I’ve never heard that before. Where does that belief come from?” or “Very interesting. Why do you believe that?”. And listen. Being interested in someone’s beliefs not only demonstrates that you care about her, but it’ll give you a better grasp of where she’s coming from, spiritually (maybe she really does believe cardinals embody the spirits of the dead), and hopefully it will give you an opportunity to share the gospel with her. And that’s what she desperately needs if she believes this cardinal ma-lark-ey. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!) :0)
1In case it’s not obvious, this is not a Christian site and I’m not recommending it for anything other than the explanation of this superstition.
I listen to John MacArthur’s podcast daily. I love his study Bible and have learned so much from him. A friend recently sent me [a link from a so-called discernment site]. Are you aware of Pastor MacArthur having any ties to the Free Masons? Praying for discernment. Thank you for your help and guidance.
I’m so glad you’re seeking to be discerning rather than just believing whatever random thing you’ve heard on the internet. Good on ya!
This is just one of the many silly false accusations about John MacArthur that are floating around out there. (Frankly, by now, I’m kind of surprised nobody has accused him of being a robot from Mars.) But why believe me? Listen to Dr. MacArthur in his own words:
But I’m really glad you asked, because this is a great opportunity for me to share a couple of quick discernment tips with everyone:
Consider the source. Ever heard that before? It’s certainly true of blogs and news sites and discernment ministries. Some are reliable and trustworthy. Some are not. If you’re not sure, don’t just blindly trust the information from that site, especially if it’s largely speculation, conjecture, opinion, or just plain sounds nutty (or is backed up only by other sites fitting that description). Do your homework. Use sources you know to be trustworthy that are backed up by Scripture and other trustworthy sites.
(Personally – and this is the kind of thing you learn from experience, so it never hurts to reach out to somebody like me and ask if you’re new to this discernment stuff – I would never trust a website named GodIsTerrible dot whatever – the website shared with the reader who sent in the question. I know it’s based on part of a KJV Bible verse, but I don’t really care what the blogger’s motive was for choosing that domain name. Without context, it’s blasphemous and deliberately deceptive, and that’s not someone I’d consider trustworthy on anything biblical.)
Straight from the horse’s mouth. If you want to know what someone believes, it’s always best to go straight to the source, particularly if it’s someone you know or have reasonable access to. If it’s someone you don’t have easy direct access to, like Dr. MacArthur, go to his website, find the search bar, and start searching. You can even use an internet search engine. I found the video above by typing “John MacArthur masons” into Google. It was the second hit.
Keep up the great work of being a good Berean!
If you have a question about: a Bible passage, an aspect of theology, a current issue in Christianity, or how to biblically handle a family, life, or church situation, comment below (I’ll hold all questions in queue {unpublished} for a future edition of The Mailbag) or send me an e-mail or private message. If your question is chosen for publication, your anonymity will be protected.
If you’re not familiar with OHCW, it’s a FREE annual online women’s conference. It has been my privilege to be one of the speakers each year since its inception.
Join us for OHCW22 – a FREE online women’s conference all this week, July 11-15. Watch and get all the details here!
All of the conference details are below. Here’s today’s teaching session (Remember, teaching session videos will not be available until 8:30 a.m. Central each day, but will remain available indefinitely.):
Some (not all) of this week’s teaching sessions have accompanying handouts:
No handouts for today’s Q&A, but here is the podcast series on modesty that I mentioned during the Q&A.
Missed a day of this week’s conference? Click below to catch up!
The theme of this year’s conference is Spiritual Sisterhood: Going Beyond the Facade, so each of our speakers will center their teaching around what it means to be godly, genuine sisters in Christ.
The conference will run each day this week, July 11-15, Monday – Friday, 8:30 a.m. – 11:00 a.m. (Central time), and “attending” is as easy as watching your favorite TV show! There’s no cost, no registration – just tune in starting at 8:30 (Central) each morning. You can even watch the recordings later, if that’s more convenient, as the videos of each session will remain posted.
I’ll post the YouTube version of each day’s teaching session so you can watch it here on the blog if you like. Or, if you prefer, you can watch directly on…
If you’re not familiar with OHCW, it’s a FREE annual online women’s conference. It has been my privilege to be one of the speakers each year since its inception.
Join us for OHCW22 – a FREE online women’s conference all this week, July 11-15. Watch and get all the details here!
All of the conference details are below. Here’s today’s teaching session (Remember, teaching session videos will not be available until 8:30 a.m. Central each day, but will remain available indefinitely.):
Some (not all) of this week’s teaching sessions have accompanying handouts:
The theme of this year’s conference is Spiritual Sisterhood: Going Beyond the Facade, so each of our speakers will center their teaching around what it means to be godly, genuine sisters in Christ.
The conference will run each day this week, July 11-15, Monday – Friday, 8:30 a.m. – 11:00 a.m. (Central time), and “attending” is as easy as watching your favorite TV show! There’s no cost, no registration – just tune in starting at 8:30 (Central) each morning. You can even watch the recordings later, if that’s more convenient, as the videos of each session will remain posted.
I’ll post the YouTube version of each day’s teaching session so you can watch it here on the blog if you like. Or, if you prefer, you can watch directly on…
