Originally published May 6, 2012
What people like me (if there are any) think about during the budget/finance portion of the church business meeting:
1. Lord, thank you so much for the smart and trustworthy people at my church who understand and handle our budget and finances.
2. I wonder how many pizzas that $30,000 they’re talking about would buy. I’m starving.
3. How many bake sales would we have to hold to keep the lights on if I were in charge of the budget? Mmmmm….cupcakes…I’m STARVING!
4. Uh oh, while I was thinking about bake sales, they called for the vote. Are we voting on the motion, or the amendment to the motion, or to table the motion? Wait, what WAS the motion?
5. Come on, baby, do the locomotion…
6. I wonder if anyone can tell that this budget report would make just as much sense to me if it were written in Chinese.
7. Mmmm…Chinese…
8. I’m going to raise my hand and make a motion that we order in some Chinese food and “table” it. HAHAHAHAHA! That would be so funny! Ok, maybe it would only be funny to me. Everyone else in the room seems to be an adult.
9. WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS?????
10. Why do I understand the motion LESS now that the discussion on it is over than I did when it was first proposed?
11. If you got the notion, I second that emotion…
12. If I volunteered to write a check for whatever it is they’re talking about, could we move on to something more interesting? Like, maybe: would a church member who writes a rather large check to divert a business meeting necessarily be excommunicated if it bounced? Or, how about the ever scintillating topic of ORDERING SOME DOGGONE CHINESE FOOD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?
13. . …motion…potion…ocean…lotion…Goshen (5 extra points for a Bible word!)…notion…ummm…coastal erosion…
14. Interesting. The word “fund” starts with FUN. I’m not feeling any fun happening here. Anyone else? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
15. Bueller…Bueller…rhymes with Muller….George Muller (where’s the dumb umlaut on this keyboard?!?!)…yeah, George Muller, the guy who prayed for everything he needed and God just provided…I wonder how many business meetings HE had to go to….
16. I should start making notes for the blog post I’m going to write about this when I get home. Why didn’t I think about that two hours ago!?!?
17. Are we STILL talking about this???
18. I wonder if it’s too soon to make a motion to adjourn. I wonder if someone else will do it soon. I wonder if I’m going to have to do it. I wonder if I’m the only one wondering this.
19. If ONE MORE PERSON makes a motion from the floor, I’m going to give myself a fatal paper cut with this ream of reports and spreadsheets they gave me when I walked in.
20. Lord, thank you so much for the smart and trustworthy people at my church who understand and handle our budget and finances.
“I move we adjourn.”
SECOND!
Michelle Lesley 
I am sooo glad that I’m not the only one whose mind wanders during church meetings and how do I keep the bowl of M&Ms at THIS end of the table!
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Wait a minute. HOLD. THE. PHONE. You get M&Ms at your church business meetings?!?! :0)
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Aye! 🙂
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LOL!! No you don’t have to be SBC to get this. I feel exactly the same way about almost every business type meeting or transaction that lasts longer than 5 minutes. I really don’t see how people cope who have to sit through them on a regular basis.
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Cleverly done, and I especially appreciate the Motown references (my favorite secular music). But one thing worries me: Did you ever get your Chinese food? 🙂
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HAHAHAHAHA- Not that night, I didn’t :0)
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What the church treasurer thinks about during the budget/finance portion of the church business meeting:
1. Nobody in this room realizes that I spent 10 and a half hours getting this report done and I haven’t been home for dinner today.
2. Could have been done in 2 if the people who count and record the deposit would actually note the ones who were giving to Lottie Moon, and if they hadn’t put the general fund deposit into the building fund account…
3. Probably only 3 people in this whole meeting are even really paying attention to the report. The rest are probably thinking about food.
4. Mmm… food… I sure could go for some dinner.
5. Yeesh, how long does it take to read the minutes? Can we just approve my financial report already?
6. Crap… There’s a calculation error. I hope no one notices that. I mean, why would they? No one really pays attention to these things. But if anybody would notice, it would be Bob.
7. “Can we get a motion to approve the financial report?” *Please just approve it and let’s move on.*
8. A question? Really? Ugh…
9. We have $30,000 in the missions account, why are you objecting to sending a few thousand to a ministry in need?
10. WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS???
11. Make the motion. If you’ve got the notion… SECOND!
12. Good, I can breathe now. One of these days someone is going to find some huge mistake I overlooked and they’re going to think I’m embezzling from the church and I’m going to get fired, and we’ll lose our house and have to declare bankruptcy. Why did I think being a church secretary/treasurer was a good idea for a job?
13. Meeting adjourned! Phew! Another month in the books. Let’s go home and eat!
14. Hi Bob. Yeah, I see that. You’re right that doesn’t quite add up. I’ll have to go back and check my math. Thanks for pointing that out to me.
15. I’m so going to get fired. Bob is going to see to it that I’m fired.
16. Suddenly I don’t think I have an appetite anymore.
17. That’s silly… Let’s go get some Chinese!
😀
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HAHAHAHA- Awesome job, Mandy! :0)
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Haha, thanks. 🙂 You absolutely inspired me. If we attended the same church, we could make a Chinese food date for after every business meeting. ❤
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That would be fun :0)
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