What people like me (if there are any) think about during the budget/finance portion of the church business meeting:
1. Lord, thank you so much for the smart and trustworthy people at my church who understand and handle our budget and finances.
2. I wonder how many pizzas that $30,000 they’re talking about would buy. I’m starving.
3. How many bake sales would we have to hold to keep the lights on if I were in charge of the budget? Mmmmm….cupcakes…I’m STARVING!
4. Uh oh, while I was thinking about bake sales, they called for the vote. Are we voting on the motion, or the amendment to the motion, or to table the motion? Wait, what WAS the motion?
5. Come on, baby, do the locomotion…
6. I wonder if anyone can tell that this budget report would make just as much sense to me if it were written in Chinese.
8. I’m going to raise my hand and make a motion that we order in some Chinese food and “table” it. HAHAHAHAHA! That would be so funny! Ok, maybe it would only be funny to me. Everyone else in the room seems to be an adult.
9. WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS?????
10. Why do I understand the motion LESS now that the discussion on it is over than I did when it was first proposed?
11. If you got the notion, I second that emotion…
12. If I volunteered to write a check for whatever it is they’re talking about, could we move on to something more interesting? Like, maybe: would a church member who writes a rather large check to divert a business meeting necessarily be excommunicated if it bounced? Or, how about the ever scintillating topic of ORDERING SOME DOGGONE CHINESE FOOD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?
13. . …motion…potion…ocean…lotion…Goshen (5 extra points for a Bible word!)…notion…ummm…coastal erosion…
14. Interesting. The word “fund” starts with FUN. I’m not feeling any fun happening here. Anyone else? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
15. Bueller…Bueller…rhymes with Muller….George Muller (where’s the dumb umlaut on this keyboard?!?!)…yeah, George Muller, the guy who prayed for everything he needed and God just provided…I wonder how many business meetings HE had to go to….
16. I should start making notes for the blog post I’m going to write about this when I get home. Why didn’t I think about that two hours ago!?!?
17. Are we STILL talking about this???
18. I wonder if it’s too soon to make a motion to adjourn. I wonder if someone else will do it soon. I wonder if I’m going to have to do it. I wonder if I’m the only one wondering this.
19. If ONE MORE PERSON makes a motion from the floor, I’m going to give myself a fatal paper cut with this ream of reports and spreadsheets they gave me when I walked in.
20. Lord, thank you so much for the smart and trustworthy people at my church who understand and handle our budget and finances.
“I move we adjourn.”