Christmas, Top 10

Top 10 Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

For me, part of the reason Christmas is the “most wonderful time of the year” is the music. There are the old favorites as well as some great new songs that have come out over the years. Unfortunately, there are some stinkers out there, too. Everybody has her own taste, so the songs that give you the Christmas crazies are probably different from the ones that get on my nerves, but, here, in no particular order, are my ten picks for the worst Christmas songs of all time.

And, while I can’t imagine why you would want it, if you need a playlist of these horrid songs, here you go: Worst Christmas Songs – 1

1. The Christmas Shoes– Hi, we’re going to write a song that’s a blatant attempt at emotional manipulation, and then if you say you don’t like it, people will think you’re heartless. Merry Christmas.

2. Last Christmas– Really? We have to listen to co-dependent whining about a break up in a Christmas song? And from Wham?

3. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer– This has such a catchy tune. It’s too bad the family in this song belongs on Jerry Springer.

4. Same Old Lang Syne– This is my pick for the absolute worst “Christmas” song (it really has nothing to do with Christmas) of all time. The only good thing I can say about this is, at least the people in the song didn’t actually have an affair. It’s bleak, it’s immoral, it’s depressing, and it’s the same four bars of melody over. and. over. and. over.

5. Must Have Been Old Santa Claus– “Happy ho, ho, ho to you.” Four. million. times. Kill me. Kill me now.

6. Baby, It’s Cold Outside– Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like attempted date rape by a drink drugging letch.1

7. Santa Baby– They could have named this song “Sugar Daddy” or “Implied Sexual Favors in Exchange for Obscenely Expensive Gifts.” Same thing.

8. Mistletoe– I’m just going to make a rule right here, right now: no Christmas songs that force middle-aged people to go to Urban Dictionary to understand the lyrics. My kids had to explain to me what “shawty” means. Apparently, it’s similar to a “bae.”

9. Do They Know It’s Christmas?– Stop having Christmasy fun RIGHT NOW. Just STOP IT. Don’t you know there are people starving in Africa, you soulless oaf? And, seriously, who puts the word “doom” in a Christmas song?

10. Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s Christmas Canon– It pains me to list this one because I love TSO, I love children’s choirs, I love Pachelbel’s Canon in D, and I love the idea of trying to Christmas it up. But I would rather eat a ten year old fruitcake than listen to this.

 Agree? Disagree?
What do you think is the
worst Christmas song of all time?

1(Update: You may have noticed at the beginning of this article that I originally wrote it in 2014, long before the #MeToo movement, and long before the explanation of what the composer of Baby, It’s Cold Outside purportedly meant by it was in general circulation. My brief evaluation of the song in #6 is based solely on the impression I was left with by the lyrics, much the same way people have taken umbrage with Reckless Love based on the lyrics alone, despite Corey Asbury’s explanation of what he supposedly meant when he wrote it. I am not a liberal, a feminist, or on the #MeToo bandwagon. I’m confident my track record bears this out, and I’m appalled by accusations to the contrary based solely on my one sentence reaction to this song.)

7 thoughts on “Top 10 Worst Christmas Songs of All Time”

  1. You have all of my least favorite on this list! Did Band-Aid not know that there generally isn’t snow in Africa?! Not just that one year?

    Santa Baby – I love your alternative title

    Same Old Lang Syne – I’m also glad they didn’t commit physical adultery. Emotional, however… That’s a different story.

    Just recently I found myself complaining about all three of those.


    1. I know! Actually, I think there might be some snow on top of Mt. Kilimanjaro. But, “where nothing ever grows, no rain nor rivers flow”? Have these people never taken a geography class or at least seen pictures of Africa? There are beautifully lush areas and lovely savannahs where plenty of stuff grows, which, of course, requires rain. And, no rivers? Hello? Ever heard of a little thing called the Nile? It’s only the longest river in the world, and it FLOODS every year.

      And in Same Old Lang Syne, it’s not just emotional adultery. They kiss at the end. Of course, many people don’t know this because they have stuck a fork through their eardrums by that point of the song. Ugh. And I forgot to make a rule about this song, too: no Christmas songs with the words “beer” or “liquor store” in them.

      And there are plenty of other bad ones, too. I might have to make this a yearly article to get to all of them :0)


      1. Boney M’s “Mary’s Boy Child” gets an honorable mention. I actually like the song, but when I saw how much sexuality they portrayed in their performances and photoshoots, I had to just discredit the song, too.

        One picture shows everyone wearing, well, almost nothing. And the singer has on a leash. Mmm….not working for my celebration of God coming to earth to save us from our sin.


      2. To be fair, Harry Belafonte was the original singer, as I just learned. Dont know that he was actually saved, but i dont think he was actually obscene…


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